<< Front Page
April 5, 2008 | mtg, humor
The Last Jelly Moose
by FyrexianSurvivr
"This is the story of the last Jelly Moose. Once there were many Jelly Meese. Jelly Mooses. Game-Trail Changelings. Once there were many Game-Trail Changelings. The covered the plains of Lorwyn, crowded the forests, swam through the swamps. But one day, something changed. Somethings changed. The Jelly Mooses stopped encountering regular Mooses. We figured the elves had hunted them all. Eventually, they would meet a turtle, or a goose, or a kithkin. And then, Blam! No more Jelly Moose. Just another turtleshell changeling, or avian changeling, or mistmeadow skulk.
"So one by one, the Jelly Mooses stopped showing up. First, you would see a couple every day. Then, one a day. Then you'd maybe see them every couple of days, maybe on weekends, then just special occasions like your anniversary or birthday. Then you walk in and see her Jelly moosing with some goddamn pretty-boy elf and then...
"Never mind. Never mind all that. The last Jelly Moose, that's why you're here. So eventually, you would only see a Jelly Moose once a year, if you were lucky. You'd be talking with someone, and they'd claim to have seen a Jelly Moose only days earlier. Nobody believed them, of course. I mean, we all knew people were seeing them still. Hell, some of us still saw them occasionally. But we were seeing them less and less. Some Hunters who specialized in eyeblights might see a Jelly Moose a couple of times a week, but, I mean, who wants to specialize in eyeblights.
"So, then, we just stopped seeing them altogether. We would meet every week at the shimmering grotto to hang out and play a game, but nobody talked about Jelly Moose anymore. Ocasionally someone would make a joke about 'Jelly Moose knuckles' or 'chocolate Moose' but we rarely laughed. It hurt too much, you know?
"But then everything changed. The whole world got turned upside down, got darker. Nobody else noticed, but we did. Maybe because we were already dead inside. And then, it happened. On the way home from a crib swap meet, I saw it. A Moose. An honest to Vigor Moose. It caught my scent, and started to run, but I had just bumped into a Springjack and I took off after it. I mean, we were both hauling more ass than a anarchist giant soapmaker, but I was faster. I caught it. And I felt myself changing. I sprouted antlers, my legs grew longer. I turned green. I gained trample. It was amazing. Trample! I had trample! If you're not a changeling you won't understand, but lemme tell you, gaining trample is the best thing in the world.
"I felt whole. I felt complete. I was a 4/4 green trampler with changeling. I was a Jelly Moose. I was the last Jelly Moose. This may be the end of Lorwyn as we know it, but man, I feel fine."
(Discuss this item in the forum!)
|
