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November 12, 2008 | mtg, humor
 How to Be an Awesome Magic the Gathering Player
by paz



  1. If you don't have cards, find a way to get some. Unsuspecting players at Friday Night Magic events, for instance, might be too busy having fun with their friends between rounds to notice the dark stranger subtly slipping decks into a satchel by his side.

  2. Continually overvalue your cards and undervalue their cards when trading. They'll eventually submit to a pity trade out of politeness. Profit.

  3. When you play in tournaments, wear an iPod. Obtain a girlfriend in order to bring her along to stand behind you and rub your shoulders.

  4. At high level tournaments, count to 60 in your head before making a decision on anything.

  5. Enjoy the degree to which your life improves as you continue to dump more and more time and money into Magic cards.


  1. If you make a mistake, intimidate the player into letting you take it back. If he does not, grumble at him under your breath for the rest of the match.

  2. Tap your lands and creatures at a slight 25 degree angle. This puts them into a "half-tapped" state that could go either way with the simple brush of a sleeve.

  3. Stack lands into perfect piles so that your opponent doesn't know how many lands you have. If he complains, stare at him as you loudly read off slam each card in the pile onto the table. Then restack.

  4. Join MTGSalvation.com and visit the competitive subforums for sound advice from skilled players.

  5. While posting on MTGSalvation, change fonts in the middle of curse words to avoid the profanity filter. This tip also applies to the obscenity filter and vulgarity filter.


  1. Magic players are like that one girl you have a crush on: They only want to hang out with giant assholes. Becoming a giant asshole might make the friends you have that are worthless and pathetic like you less.

  2. Obtaining a girlfriend might hurt the amount of time you spend on MODO. Make sure to let her know early on that you do not intend to make her feel desired above computer games. Being out and open with your selfishness gives her no excuse to complain.


  1. Magic cards

  2. An iPod

  3. A girlfriend to exploit and ignore

  4. An internet connection (56k or higher recommended)

  5. A terrible attitude



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(c) 2008 PaZ. Good Gamery is a web site and integrated message board for mature, educated gamers (with attitude!) seeking intelligent, humorous content and discussion related to Magic, gaming, and culture.