Tag: bosshoggatog

  • Kid at StarCityGames casts Earthquake for 6, causes havoc in Manhattan

    Richmond, VA (AP) Ben Bleiweiss, a 33-year old kid at heart, cast Earthquake for 6, setting off seismic activity that rocked the entire eastern seaboard of North America between 2:00 and 2:15 pm on Tuesday, USGS authorities said.

    “We were just playing a group EDH game in the lounge of our sales department at the Richmond office when suddenly the room started rocking,” said Bleiweiss, visibly shaken.

    “I don’t think that was the cause. I’m guessing it was Misterorange’s [Evan Erwin] Hive Mind,” said The Ferrett, who was still standing out in the parking lot with dozens of other editorial staff. “Granted, playing ‘quake on top of that wasn’t really well thought out,” he added.

    “Could have been the Terastodon I had played the turn earlier,” mused Mike Flores. Bleiweiss shook his head.

    The tremor caused a minor emergency alert at the Pentagon, and briefly stalled trading on Wall Street. It was also reported as far north as Toronto and New Brunswick, where it unleashed a tsunami of staid Canadian apathy.

    President Obama, on holiday at Cape Cod, noticed the tremor and said “Eight people at the head of the largest online card trading store in North America, and nobody is packing a Stifle. Dayum, son.”

  • All About Minecraft Slimes

    Slimes – Their Natural History and Husbandry

    Part 1. What are slimes?

    Briefly, slimes are complex organisms somewhere between algae and sponges. They also have qualities shared with bacteria and with fungi, namely phagocytosis and asexual reproduction. Unlike these kingdoms however, slimes are eukaryotes with behaviour-driven motility and lack a cell wall.

    ANATOMY OF A SLIME

    A slime has a top or lid, face, sides or sidewalls, rear wall, and a base. Living slimes are always oriented thus, and instantly re-orient themselves base down whenever they are tilted or fall at an angle. This is due to the statocyst or positional sensor organ in the slime’s lid. It functions like a primitive inner ear to orient the slime in space.

    Other important anatomical landmarks of the slime include:

    • Chiton – the thick outer slime coat that serves as a protective coating for the slime, and a primitive gut. The chiton is secreted by the capsule, the elastic true skin of the slime.
    • Macula(e) – the sensory apparatus of the slime. They have been called “eyes” and “mouth” because of their shape. They are relatively insensitive to light, but detect exquisitely small movements and magnetic fields.
    • Inclusions – These are mostly debris picked up and embedded in the thick chiton. Some inclusions are products of digestion from items the slime has engulfed.
    • Gonad – A region of the slime that seems to be more metabolically active in the company of other slimes of the same size.
    • Zoochlorellae – These are symbiotic algae and cyanobacteria that live inside the slime and provide it with oxygen and starches. In turn the slime protects the algae from heat and desiccation and provides trace minerals and reduced nitrogen compounds. These organisms are what give the slime its green color.

    Internal Structure of the Slime

    The capsule of the slime is tough and elastic, like a tendon or a thick sheet of rubber. Inside the capsule, the slime consists of three specialized areas, arranged roughly from front to rear.

    • The pyxosome is the area right behind the maculae and is a heavily pigmented mass of dense but friable gelatinous material. Microscopically, it is composed of myriads of nests and coils of sarcoplasm surrounding larger canals filled with serum. The serum component has a high content of soluble heavy metals including redstone, iron, gold, and adminium. It is possible that as much as 70% of a world’s elemental adminium is bound up in slimes, the rest occurring as the dark bars in common bedrock. The pyxosome may be responsible for slime’s sensory functions.
    • The opisthosome occupies the rear of the slime and contains the gonad. In truth the gonad is acellular but rather is made up of a few large, pale inclusions with high organic nutrient content. Bergensten et al. propose that the structure actually is where undigestible materials are stored so as not to damage the slime’s internal chemistry.
    • The elasmosome makes up the majority of the slime and is a colorless to light green, translucent material the consistency of Guk (TM). This is composed almost entirely of matted lattices of microtubules. This is the locomotive engine of the slime and surrounds the other two internal portions, anchoring them to the capsule and to one another. It also provides extensions through the capsule to anchor the chiton in place and stimulate additional chiton secretion in regions of high shear stress.

    The commercial slimeball is actually made up of the elasmosomes of freshly killed slimes.

    Habitat of Slimes



    This herd of slimes occupied the lava pool shown here for several minecraft days.

    Slimes are found deep underground, in areas where constant high temperature and humidity prevail. Since slimes are facultatively photosynthetic, they thrive in and around caverns lit up by magma flows, volcanic vents, and even the high energy lamps used in deep shaft mining. Due to their thick chiton, they are notoriously resistant to fire and burns.

    Since slimes require oxygen to live, they rely on their symbiotic zoochlorellae to provide a small amount. Transplanting a slime into a totally dark oxygen-poor volcanic flue or sulfur vent can suffocate it. However, if a light source is provided, the slime may survive indefinitely (although it will not grow or reproduce).



    The small slime in the center foreground is drowning.

    Slimes are limited to areas where water and ambient moisture are high. Although they can desiccate if stranded or trapped in dry air, they can retain a lot of water and this allows them to migrate long distances to new caverns.

    Contrary to popular belief, slimes can’t swim and they do drown when submerged in water. Commercial elastics harvesting relies on large deep pools or moving conveyors to drown young slimes.

    These slimes are migrating from a dry underground tunnel system to a freshly opened mineshaft, which is still damp.

    Slime Life Cycle



    Slimes of all sizes and life stages in a stampede, a rare and dangerous phenomenon associated with strip mining or flood mining.

    Slimes reproduce either sexually (details unknown) or asexually (fission) to produce daughter slimes. The daughter slime or calf is less than 1 m cubed and has little or no enzymatic activity. It contains relatively more nutrients in the form of inclusions. These sustain the small slime until its own enzymes mature.

    As the slime grows, it becomes capable of engulfing items for food. These digestive properties of the chiton may cause damage on contact with the slime. When it is roughly 8x the weight of a new calf slime, it can reproduce by fission. This often happens when the slime is damaged – the slime divides along a defect in the capsule, healing the defect and producing up to four daughter slimes.

    A mature slime is quite large, slow-moving, and heavy. It has a relatively low moisture content compared to the youngest slimes. To compensate, it produces more concentrated digestive enzymes and acids which are toxic to nearby lifeforms. As a slime ages, its elasmosome loses elasticity and tends to calcify. This can result in large, old slimes getting trapped in corridors or narrow spots and suffocating.



    Slimes have a remarkable elasticity. This image shows the range of slime compressibility in normal locomotion. Slimes may fit through doors and in stairwells that appear to be much too small.

    Slime Ecology



    A matriarch slime protecting a daughter.

    Slimes are found in herds throughout the world, always in geothermally favourable chunks. Although slimes do not exhibit nesting behavior or any other advanced social system, they do have a primitive herd behavior wherein the larger slimes may protect the smaller ones. Small slimes in a herd may collectively push invaders away from resources or off precipices. Slime intelligence is otherwise rather low.

    Slimes – unicellular or multicellular?



    Are these slimes identical, or fraternal, twins?

    Scientists are not sure how to classify slimes. So far no one element of slime anatomy or microanatomy definitely places them in either class. The slime has features of both:

    Features in favor of unicellular organism

    • Body plan consistent across all slime populations and ages/sizes
    • Asexual reproduction is the norm and produces slimes of roughly equal sizes
    • Never reconstitute into a single large slime after dividing into four smaller slimes

    Features in favor of multicellular organism

    • Sexual reproduction possible
    • Discrete and differentiated regions of the slime, i.e. organs and tissues
    • Appear multi-layered, similar to other algal colonies or syncytia
    • Cannot be divided without killing the original slime

    Perhaps the strongest evidence for slimes being multicellular is the macula, which doesn’t appear to have a direct physical communication to any other part of the slime, but activates locomotion and storage of trace metals in other parts of the slime.

    Slimes and the Future



    Slimes in a slime game park enjoying a brief moment in full sun.

    Slimes have been transformed by popular culture over the past 5 expansions. The slime is a strong symbolic figure in the human psyche as a rare, elusive, dangerous, alien, even droll and endearing creature. Modern technology relies heavily on slimeballs as a commercial product, from slimes grown in artificial labs in great numbers under ideal conditions. One disturbing development is the breeding of slimes for populating slime parks and safaris. Slimes are bred and brought to the surface and exposed to sunlight. This causes them to take on an intense green color and become agitated. They are then released into well-tended parkland and hunted from the air or the roadside. Some parks let hunters use packs of hunting dogs. This last is exceedingly cruel for both the slimes and the dogs.



    Hunting slimes with dogs is illegal in several countries.

    Slime petting zoos are common children’s roadside attractions in mining towns. Because the smallest slimes are innocuous, they can be held and petted. Sadly, they are force spawned by slimepunching, wherein adult slimes are placed in a machine and pummeled with pistons or even a handler’s gloved hands. The slimes accumulate damage and eventually split off daughter slimes. Once tourist season is over, the baby slimes are frequently drowned or dropped off a ledge. The resulting slimeballs are then sold to elastics firms.

    The Slime Protection Agency was founded in 2010 to protect slimes from exploitation and promote humane industrial and commercial slimeball harvesting.

    Since then Dupont has developed the first artificial elastic material for making sticky pistons. Slimes remain a curiosity and are still subject to abuses as pets and trophy game mobs.

  • Oyakodon Tournament Report

    Recently, my living situation has aligned itself in just such a way that I have developed an interest in cooking. I’m coasting along on what money remains until I return to America in a couple months, want to learn Japanese dishes while in the little time I have left, and want to supplement my newfound exercise habits with healthy meals.

    I am a dude with a Jewish mom, so I have quite literally never had to fix anything more ambitious than a sandwich or an omelet. Cooking can be daunting at first! Luckily, most Japanese staples are incredibly simple to make, healthy, and cheap. Tonight, I made:

    Oyakodon – steamed white rice, topped with chicken, egg and onions served in traditional Japanese dashi broth.

    For the unfamiliar, donburi is a dish made from rice, broth or water mixed with soy sauce and rice vinegar, and various toppings. Donburi is as filling as it is delicious, and generally requires less than 30 minutes to prepare.

    ROUGH LIST, SERVES 1

    1 cup of Japanese white rice

    1/2 onion

    1.5 tbsp dark (regular) soy sauce

    1 tbsp mirin (Japanese rice vinegar)

    1/2 cup water

    1 tbsp sugar

    1 tsp dashi (powdered soup stock made from kelp and skipjack tuna, a fundamental ingredient for Japanese cooking, including miso soup)

    ~1/4 cup chicken thigh; enough for about 6 bite-sized chunks

    1 egg

    egg

    STRATEGY

    RICE: Wash your rice a few times until the water isn’t cloudy, but don’t worry too much, as cloudier rice is just stickier rice.
    Combine one and a bit cups of water for each cup of rice you make in a pot.
    Cover the pot with a lid, and bring the rice to a boil on high heat.
    Then, cook it on low for about 15-20 minutes, until the water is mostly gone.
    Remove the pot from the fire, and let it steam with the lid on for another 10-15 minutes.

    Or, use a rice cooker. Seriously.

    ONION: cut off the narrow ends of the onions. Place it flat on the cutting board, slice it in half, and remove the skin. Wrap one half in aluminum foil and put it back in the fridge, because you are poor. place the other half on its broad, flat side, and cut it widthwise into ~5mm strips.

    CHICKEN: remove any bones and skin from your thigh meat, rinse it, and cut it into bite-size portions.

    EGG: beat an egg.

    BROTH: combine the dashi, soy sauce, water, rice vinegar, and sugar in a pan.
    Mix the ingredients, cover the pan, bring the heat to medium, and leave the mixture for a minute or two.

    When the broth is hot and uniform, remove the lid and stir in the onion before replacing the lid again.

    After another couple minutes, stir in the chicken and put the lid back on.

    Wait a couple minutes to turn over the chicken, and when it’s cooked on both sides, stir in the egg; make sure it doesn’t stay together enough to form any large pieces.

    Pour the mixture over your bowl of rice. Congratulations! Enjoy your delicious donburi with chopsticks and a spoon.

    Without further ado, here is how the tournament went.

    Round 1 opponent: WGr Beef Yakisoba

    He opens with a pile of steaming broiled noodles topped with rare beef and oblique cut green onions. I lay an egg and pass the turn. He picks up his chopsticks and swings with a slice of beef and a hank of noodles, spraying beef juice over my board for -1/-1. I crack the egg and fetch a chicken equipped with makotobashi. I lay a scoop of white rice and top it with a drizzle of soy and vinegar. He draws 4 noodles in a row and scoops his lunch.

    Second game much like the first, except now I’ve found my onions and my onions trample over his onions and take his beef.

    1-0

    noodle

    Round 2: BW Futomaki

    This is a variant on the popular Japanese deck substituting G avocado for R snapper. Basically he rolls over me as I try to find a protein source and fail.

    1-1

    Round 3: Texas Toast

    I am quite surprised that this is still seeing play. I’m having trouble getting past the cheese and garlic but eventually rice proves a more stable mana base than rye. First game I lose horribly to garlic. Second game I side out onions and chicken and throw in 4x pickled egg and 3x wasabi. Even though he has slathered the red zone with butter and garlic cheese, the wasabi comes down hard and fast, and burns his sinuses right out. Game 3 I go rice, egg, 2x wasabi and he offers the handkerchief.

    2-1

    Round 4: E. Honda playing 5c Torinabe

    This is Swiss final round and I’m tired, thirsty, and have a runny nose. E. Honda entered the tournament with a 2050 rating and 1 point shy of a 3-bye invite to GP Bangkok. He is piloting a new, unscouted version of his trademark midrange toolbox Nabe deck, and is an impeccably technically precise player despite his quirky tournament attire of bath towel and geta. He clomps over to the table, settles his 270 kg frame into the tiny folding chair, and smiles.

    Game 1 saw me get a good start with Rice, egg, 2 chickens and a dash of vinegar. He seems to have trouble finding a black mana but manages a turn 3 norimaki and starts laying out some serious fat. I am pinging in the air thinking this will be a long but inevitable game. Then he sacs potato, norimaki, crab, tuna, and mushroom to get Mothra. I try to distract the giant with Wasabi but remember as Honda untaps that moths can’t smell.

    Game 2 I side out 4x mirin and side in 4x Kirin.

    We are both getting drunk but I am secretly taking pings from my own Wasabi and it keeps me alert enough to outmaneuver Honda, who is by this time sleepy drunk and has to get up to pee. He has taken 3x Kirin to the face and looks like he is about to pass out as the judges watch him lurch for the washroom. After several minutes he returns, red in the face and somewhat more alert. But it has cost him momentum and he fails to deal with 100 stings from wasabi + raw onion.

    Game 3 I start out with Kirin. Rough on the stomach this early in the game, I am getting low on life and it seems he has developed a tolerance. I keep at it though, and finally he is so drunk he can’t remember whether he has untapped this turn and forgets a bunch of may effects during his upkeep. I go all-in with a sick chicken and he folds. Literally. His folding chair finally collapses, he goes down, tries to get back up, and is down for the count as the judges wander by to keep him from falling asleep in the aisle.

    3-1

    I gotta go pee so bad, I miss the final standings but hear later on I was just shy of top 8.

  • Welsh, Irish nationalists picket Lorwyn events, We are not a mascot, says taoiseach

    DUBLIN, IRELAND (Reuters) – If you play Magic in the UK, you could be in trouble.
    Last Friday, hundreds of picketers from Scotland, Ireland, Wales, and even as far away as the Breton coast took to the streets outside Hasbro UK and game stores to demonstrate against what they perceive as mass market bigotry.

    “This is an insulting and inaccurate portrayal of people of Irish descent as squat, pugnacious men and women with beady eyes and dish faces,” said Conall Murphy, a grad student in Irish studies at Trinity College and leader of the movement, from behind a placard bearing a blown-up version of Brigid’s boobs. “‘Fight one, fight them all’ is a barely-veiled rehash of an old slur against Irish immigrants everywhere.” Pulling a bent and laundered copy of Militia’s Pride from his back pocket, he waved it under my nose truculently amid a cloud of stale alcoholic sweat. “I would have thought they knew better than this, after pulling off Arabian Nights and even Kamigawa Block without visibly abusing those ethnic groups.”

    Other protesters focused on different aspects of the set which they found particularly insulting. A similar demonstration in front of a card shop in Cardiff became violent when players trapped inside the store were attacked by angry picketers as they tried to leave. The reason? “Elves are gay,” said Rhys Owens-Corning, under his own placard showing Immaculate Magistrate in all of its …florid gaiety.

    “Elves are all named after Welsh guys from legend, but in reality they are more representative of the homo culture. They are fixated on youth and beauty, starve themselves to look a certain way, and maim each other out of spite. Like queers, they revel in the drug culture they have built their society around. Moonglove is just another word for cocaine. It’s a slap in the face,” lisped Rhys, who just happens to be tall, thin, and wear a lot of green clothes.

    Craig Jones and Lyle Lovett, who were severely beaten after being trapped inside the comic store in Cardiff for 2 days, declined to comment from their hospital beds. However, Madog Teeg, who was watching them play, said “Jones tapped his [Imperious] Perfect and made a swishing sound, and Lovett said, ‘So which ones are now fabulous?’ and Jones started laughing, and then this guy came in and told us to stay put because other we would get curbstomped.” Teeg was allowed out of the store unharmed, because he had a copy of Y Gwawd (The Troubadour) Welsh-language arts weekly unfolded over his face to hide his earrings, and flashed a copy of Engineered Plague as he ducked past. “I just muttered, ‘I don’t play Elves…I don’t play Elves’ as I went through the picket lines, and they left me alone. I don’t really get it.”

    Mass bloodshed was averted when police were able to reroute the Glamorgan Gay Pride March away from the comic store just in time. “Not that we were afraid they would be hurt…Cardiff has more than its share of ‘bears’ in the gay community, large hairy men on choppers with bullwhips and handcuffs. Not a pretty prospect,” said police spokeswoman Tina Gaffney (yes, you saw that coming.)

    Scotland was also troubled by minor violence over the weekend as the Glasgow Curling Team protested WOTC for misportraying Giants as filthy, unkempt, and socially aversive. “Rarrgh wrarrrrgh rawr,” said team leader Jecht Murray. “Grrrrrrrrgh.”

    A planned march on the Isle of Man to protest inherent racism in Merrow Reejerey was cancelled due to low attendance.