To my Fellow Archivists 
Can I Give You Two Life?
Hi there, friend! Have I got a proposition for you! How would you like to gain two life? You would? Fantastic! Here, take it! I just love to give people life, two points at a time!
Hey, how about you take two more life? Seriously, I want you to have these two points. I mean, you didn’t pay four mana just for me to show up and say hi. You know I like to hand out life points and I think you’d like to have these. You do want more? Great! Here’s some more life!
Man, I’m so glad we’ve got this friendship thing going for us. It’s like we just understand each other. I want to give you life and you wan- what’s that? You want me to do what? Put +1/+1 counters on all your creatures? Dude, I’m not here just to wait on you hand and foot. I’ve got my own needs and wants. I mean, sure, I’ll do it for you, but I don’t really dig this violation of our trust. Keep this shit up and you’re going to see a very different Ajani Goldmane.
Alright, I’m back. What do you want now? I’m not just you’re servant, after all. Oh? You want two life? Awesome! I knew you weren’t going to keep screwing with me! I guess that we can just write off that little counter incident. I mean, what’s a misunderstanding between friends? Take these two life and remember your good friend, Ajani.
WHAT? You want what? An avatar? Am I not good enough for you? Is my endless stream of two life a turn just not enough to make you happy? Well, I’m sorry I can’t just keep up with your demands. I’m only leonin, you know. Yes, I’ll give you your fucking avatar, but I’m out of here. I hope you two are really happy together. Fuck you.
-Ajani Goldmane is a GG correspondent