Wizards Get Conflux Names Wrong

Posted on Monday, January 12th, 2009 by paz
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Posted in mtg

ALARA — Citizens across each of the five shards are up in arms about the latest Magic: The Gathering set, entitled “Conflux,” complaining that its creators, the Wizards of the Coast, are screwing up their names on purpose.

“Some of the Wizards visited Alara to snap some digital photos, do some interviews, visit some hot spots, and I don’t think they expected the reaction they got,” said Gleotyc, an Esper Shardian. “Frankly, we Alarans are not friendly to outsiders. We don’t want them here, and we made that very clear to them with our rudeness and aloof demeanor,” it continued.

It appears that, out of spite, the Wizards are now spelling Alarans’ names wrong intentionally. Gleotyc, an artificial Homo-Nucleus (or “same core”), was disturbed to discover that its kind are being spelled “Homu-Nculus” by the naughty Wizards.

Similarly angry was Jim Conway, an auto mechanic. “They called me a ‘mechanist,'” grunted the 43-year-old faerie while cynically pronouncing “mechanist” with an effeminate lisp. “Sounds like a job for homos,” he concluded, referring to the fact that many Homo-Nuclei are mechanists.

We also spoke with Hellspank Elemental, Guiltspire Avengist, Nick’s Athid, Goblin Mazerunners, Vicious Dragon and MegaloNoth. All of their names have been misspelled. “I’m holding out that it’s just spoiler typos,” said Hellspank, a Jundese fetish pornographer.

Even a spell currently on the stack, with a lifespan of mere moments and without any sentience at all, was upset. “My name’s Memory Lapse, not ‘Lapse of Certainty!’ And I’m not a damn cracker!” it roared before going to the graveyard.

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