Introducing Ggameria

Posted on Thursday, October 7th, 2010 by Good Gamery
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Posted in ggameria, mtg, serious business

You’ve seen it on the Internet. You’ve overheard your buddies at the local card shop talking in hushed and excited tones about it. Your mother even tells me that it’s the most stimulating thing in her life right now.

But what is Ggameria?

Why, Ggameria (gǝh-MƏH-ree-yuh) is a brand new plane in the Magic: The Gathering multiverse! And it just so happens to be the setting for the upcoming Magic set, enitled Events Upon Ggameria.

Set: Events Upon Ggameria

Abbreviation: GG1

Block: Ggameria

Cards: 300

GG1 is not a joke set in the style of Unglued or Unhinged; none of the spells ask you to throw cards around like Frisbees or to take off your pants. It does have a lot of jokes, however (subtle jokes in card function, ridiculous flavor text, etc.), so feel free to LOL out loud as your gut directs.

GG1 can be used as a stand-alone set or played with other Magic cards.

Surely this news has caused your face to melt and brain to explode. But I’ll keep making this article anyway as a matter of principle.

The plane of Ggameria is the only plane in the multiverse that entirely rests upon a creature. A massive, plane-sized turtle, to be exact. That turtle’s name is Ggamerion. His disposition is pleasant, but the action upon his back is anything but!

That’s because Ggameria is home to no less than 15 different tribes. All of the tribes hate each other. And the intratribal situation isn’t very peaceful either. And all of this, while bad news for the tribes, is great news for a Magic player, who enjoys the thrill of Magical conflict far more than just sitting around the card shop, talking about plotholes in Star Trek movies.

Anyway, tribal conflict = fun Magic. But who are these tribes? What’s their deal, anyway? Let’s take a look!

We begin with the 5 monocolor tribes, whose flavor is so centered upon their piece of the color pie that Mark Rosewater himself would write 28 design articles about each one if WOTC employees were allowed to read about Ggameria. Which, of course, is forbidden.

The first is the homunculi. These amorphous, tentacled abominations enjoy drawing cards, countering spells, and long walks on the beach — because they’re the mono blue tribe! The homunculi are one of the youngest races on Ggameria. But who created them? and for what purpose? Secrets.

Click here to see the homunculus preview card.

Then come the humans. Whereas humans on Earth come in a variety of colors and tones, humans on Ggameria are all white. And thus, they are the mono white tribe! The humans gather in little towns, work endlessly to perfect their little houses, elect inept governors, have too many children, and eagerly take advice from corrupt religious leaders. But more importantly, they often have activated abilities that target others and abilities that trigger when they’re targeted. Just like your average white collar office environment.

Click here to see the white human preview card.

Who’s next? The turtles! Called the Testudians on Ggameria, these quiet, elderly, shamanistic forest-dwellers would like nothing more than to find lands and generate mana in peace, as they’ve done for thousands of years. But these damn whippersnapper tribes with their hootin’ and a-hollerin’ are making that real tough. Turtles do not have a significant presence in the first set, Events Upon Ggameria. You’ll see why later.

Click here to see the Testudian preview card.

Next come the fiery amazon elementals. This perpetually aflame, all-female tribe of warrior-vixens is led by the Queen of Flames, Kylorra. Why no males? “Fire ‘reproduces’ just by touching flammable materials,” Kylorra told us while making “air quotes” with her flame fingers. “Frankly, there’s just no need for males.” The elementals excel at doing “red stuff”: fire-breathing, direct damage, haste, stuff like that. You know what I’m talking about.

Click here to see the fiery amazon elemental preview card.

Finally, we have the demons. Like the Testudians, the Ggamerian demons are a very ancient tribe. Once, the demons practiced villainy, killed recklessly, administered misanthropy, and wreaked general havoc. But millenniums is long y’all, and to be quite honest, the demons have run out of things to do. Now, they just kinda hang out while liking artifacts and milling people.

Click here to see the ancient bored demon preview card.

Now it’s time for a little FAQ.

Q: Uh, what about the other 10 tribes?

A: Stay tuned! More Ggameria articles to come! Up next is ALLIED COLOR PAIR TRIBES.

Q: When will GG1 be released?

A: Patience, my friend! A future Ggameria article will announce the Advent of GG1, with instructions for playing through Magic Workstation.

Q: Okay cool.