Wives and Girlfriends Respond to “Planeswalker Points”

Posted on Wednesday, September 7th, 2011 by Pterrus
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Posted in mtg

Amid all the buzz surrounding Wizards’ new “Planeswalker Points” system, there’s one pocket of dissent that you may not have heard from yet, but soon will. I’m speaking of course, of the girlfriends and wives of Magic players.

“The changes to organized play will have a devastating effect on all of us,” said one disgruntled girlfriend, who was seen picketing outside the Wizards building on Tuesday afternoon. “There are at least 17 of us worldwide, and we’re all mad as hell.”

The ladies’ concern stems from the fact the new system rewards volume of play instead of quality of play.

“Previously, Steven would get a good finish and then sit on his rating until Worlds invites,” said another picketer between sobs. “We used that time to focus on activities we both enjoy, like picking out new towels for the guest bathroom or going jewelry shopping. Now, he’ll have to play constantly just to keep up! This is just awful!”

In the face of mounting opposition, a Wizards spokesman released the following statement: “At Wizards of the Coast, we believe in making decisions that benefit the majority of our customers, and we just don’t see this as an issue for most of our player base. Seriously, have you seen those guys? Christ.”

But some magical girlfriends have already begun to cook up a plan to combat the hated points system.

“The way we see it, you have to fight fire with fire,” a representative told us. “Enter girlfriend points.”

She was kind enough to offer us an exclusive look at some preliminary point values.


Surprise chocolate


Surprise flowers


Surprise pony


Cuddling during movie


Cuddling during romantic comedy


Cuddling during “Twilight”


Telling me I look pretty and convincing me you’re not just saying that for the point


Assenting to my psychological assessments of our friends


Buying me that thing I’ve been hinting that I want


Out playing Magic


Out drinking with the guys


Out at the strip club


Out playing drinking Magic with the guys at the strip club


In public


In front of my girlfriends


In front of my ex


While I’m on my period

“We’re still working out the kinks in the system. For example, it might still be too easy for our boyfriends and husbands to think and talk about Magic while eating dinner,” she added.

You can find out more about this exciting new system by calling your wife or girlfriend today!