Fizzwand’s Bazaar of Wonders

Posted on Saturday, August 24th, 2013 by LSK
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Posted in $200 Summer Contest entry, mtg

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O mighty and powerful wizard! Welcome, wandering one, to Fizzwand’s bazaar of wonders! Can I interest you in purchasing one of my spells befitting a planeswalking soul like yourself?

I have a wide assortment of spells of all varieties, from this realm’s ferocious creatures, to the latest advances in arcane sorcelation, to artifacts forged in the hottest of Rath’s ferocious furnaces! From abbey gargoyles to Zuran spellcasters, Fizzwand has it all!

Perhaps you wish to create a bolt of ferocious lightning? All for mere two gold pieces! A bargain, for its legendary might!

Or perhaps you desire a time-share on one of Zendikar’s majestic islands? Surely a majestic spellcaster like yourself occasionally finds themselves pining for the fjords. My connections can get you access to this realm for the low price of a single gold piece. You’d have to be madder than Hekjek the Mad to pass on this crazy deal!

Oh, but I see you’re looking at the property built on Dominaria’s mysterious underground sea. Hate to say it, but there’s no way it’s in your price range. That area’s in very high demand right now. But I’ll cut you a deal. The timeshare is normally 180 gold pieces, but I can hook you up with a property located in a nearby underwater graveyard operated by some folks who say they’re from Ravinia or something. The neighborhood isn’t so bad, you can commute, and it’s a steal at just 9 gold pieces. What do you say? This shocking deal won’t last a lifetime, you know!

You have a boat and want to rent a port to sail out from? What do you think this is, a charity?

I see you’re looking at the incantation allowing its caster to preordain the future. You have a good eye, sir or madam! I should warn you – that spell is subtle, but its might is so great that it’s illegal in several jurisdictions. Highly recommended for all spellbooks.

Ah, but you’ve noticed the diamond inset with the eye of a lion! This is truly a wonderful treasure. It can be yours for a mere 75 gold pieces. It has made the wise go mad, the mad go insane, and the insane hellbent.

The seal of a legendary general from the Three Kingdoms? Ah, that’s one of my rarer possessions. I won’t part with it for fewer than 700 gold pieces. These aren’t easy to come by, you know! If you truly want this spell’s power, I can recommend a vampire who can teach you a similar charm for just 20 gold pieces. A pittance, really.

But what’s that? I see a gleam in your eyes. You wish to know the cost of the spell to summon a mighty, ever-vigilant angel, one of Serra’s own, one of the most renowned warriors in the land? You can just take it, it’s bulk.

Good luck winning duels with that pathetic spell.

Fizzwand’s prices are current as of August 2013. Fizzwand reserves the right to change his prices without notice.