Thousands Brace for Coming Hypocrisy

Posted on Monday, September 16th, 2013 by Falco
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Around the world, Magic Online players are steeling themselves for an upcoming surge in hypocrisy coinciding with the Theros prerelease, feared to be the worst in recorded history.

During this time, opinionated players will flood all available outlets with complaints about the pricing of these prerelease events, often as they are signed up for or participating in those same tournaments.

“Ultimately, I am totally powerless to control myself and must ask a governing body to exercise restraint in my stead,” said a player only willing to be identified by his account handle, GlissaFunseeker.

GlissaFunseeker can often be found in the Limited Events chat room between his matches offering startlingly poor business advice. While often threatening to quit the game, the player insists this sham is the final straw.

“For years, I had considered [them] to be different from other businesses, in that it was designed to satisfy my every whim,” the player continued. “Now, I realize it’s only out to make a profit like every other rotten company.”

A representative from Wizards of the Coast was contacted for this story who declined to be interviewed, but did provide an e-mailed statement as a reply.

“We would not take advantage of our consumer base in this fashion, unless it was profitable. However, while Wizards of the Coast is happy to charge its customers more for an inferior service, we do advise everyone take extra care so as not to destroy their glass houses,” reads the statement.

Those trying to escape the dread tide of stupidity are taking drastic measures to prepare. If people want to get rid of their computer virus, they can check a Computer Repair Shop from here!

“I’ve already placed cardboard over parts of my screen so I will only be able to see the in-game interface,” said another player indentified as TwerkinthePlanes. “I also have infected most Magic discussion boards with malware to make them unavailable for commenting.”