Month: January 2009

  • WOTC Issues Errata for Sorrow’s Path

    RENTON — Yesterday, gaming company Wizards of the Coast shocked millions by issuing functional errata on Magic: the Gathering card Sorrow's Path, last printed in The Dark in 1994. Rules Manager Mark Gottlieb explained the reason for the update:

    “Sorrow’s Path predated half-line spaces between abilities, so when looking at the actual card, there was no way to tell whether this was all a single activated ability or the first three lines were an activated ability and the last three lines were a separate triggered ability.”

    The card will now contain a triggered ability that will function whenever it becomes tapped, rather than only when the activated ability is played.

    Already, Legacy players are insisting that every decklist must now begin:


    Errata on older cards that seriously affects their playability is not new. Prior to the Portal sets’ becoming legal in Eternal formats, they received modern Oracle text, and Legacy and Vintage players everywhere were shocked to learn that Zodiac Dragon’s ability no longer triggered whenever the hell you wanted. Fans of putting cards on other cards were devastated when Cold Storage was updated, to avoid the philosophical problem that would arise if you attempted to put an animated Cold Storage on top of itself. And no one has any idea anymore what Time Vault does these days.

    Perhaps most famous was the functional change issued to the popular and well-known Mirage rare Flash prior to Grand Prix Columbus. Questioned on the timing, Gottlieb responded, “It was important to us to get the card fixed as soon as we learned about it. We needed to restore the card to its original intent of allowing a player to search for any number of creature cards with total converted mana cost 6 or less and put them into play, or choose a land of each basic land type, then destroy those lands, then choose a land of each basic land type, then destroy those lands. Man, an instant for two mana? What were those Mirage designers thinking?”

    The impact of the new Sorrow’s Path remains to be seen, but at press time, all major online retailers appeared to be sold out of both it and Rune of Protection: Lands.




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  • NJ’s Conflux Set Review

    Read the article at this Thread Link.

  • Shard Convergence



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  • Wizards Get Conflux Names Wrong

    ALARA — Citizens across each of the five shards are up in arms about the latest Magic: The Gathering set, entitled “Conflux,” complaining that its creators, the Wizards of the Coast, are screwing up their names on purpose.

    “Some of the Wizards visited Alara to snap some digital photos, do some interviews, visit some hot spots, and I don’t think they expected the reaction they got,” said Gleotyc, an Esper Shardian. “Frankly, we Alarans are not friendly to outsiders. We don’t want them here, and we made that very clear to them with our rudeness and aloof demeanor,” it continued.

    It appears that, out of spite, the Wizards are now spelling Alarans’ names wrong intentionally. Gleotyc, an artificial Homo-Nucleus (or “same core”), was disturbed to discover that its kind are being spelled “Homu-Nculus” by the naughty Wizards.

    Similarly angry was Jim Conway, an auto mechanic. “They called me a ‘mechanist,’” grunted the 43-year-old faerie while cynically pronouncing “mechanist” with an effeminate lisp. “Sounds like a job for homos,” he concluded, referring to the fact that many Homo-Nuclei are mechanists.

    We also spoke with Hellspank Elemental, Guiltspire Avengist, Nick’s Athid, Goblin Mazerunners, Vicious Dragon and MegaloNoth. All of their names have been misspelled. “I’m holding out that it’s just spoiler typos,” said Hellspank, a Jundese fetish pornographer.

    Even a spell currently on the stack, with a lifespan of mere moments and without any sentience at all, was upset. “My name’s Memory Lapse, not ‘Lapse of Certainty!’ And I’m not a damn cracker!” it roared before going to the graveyard.




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