Tag: YWN

This article is a Summer of Emilevin’ contest entry. This 6 week contest gives out both weekly prizes and final prizes of booster packs! You are invited to participate and compete by making some awesome and/or hilarious content of your own! Click on the Summer of Emilevin’ banner above for more information.

Did your son start wearing flower rings and hang around with mice and deers overnight? Did your daughter suddenly develop an ability to fly and breath fire? During the wrong time of the month, we mean. Do you happen to find yourself frozen in a block of ice? If any of these conditions sound familiar to you, you or your relatives might be enchanted with AURAS.

Auras are special kinds of enchantments that become attached to people and cause potentially hazardous effects. However, auras can be treated. I’m Miracle Worker and with my one-step program, you and your family can be safe from auras again. But don’t believe me, believe my satisfied costumers:

“I used to be enchanted with an aura that made me feel like I was being stalked by an elephant at all times. It was really disturbing. But thankfully, Miracle Worker solved my problem. Thank you, Miracle Worker!”

“Oh yes, Miracle Worker has helped me greatly. I used to be like, completely covered with tattoos. They didn’t itch or hurt or anything, but can you imagine being covered with tattoos at all times? Miracle Worker saved my life. Thank you, Miracle Worker!”

“I was diagnosed with terminal parallax dementia. Miracle Worker said there was nothing he could do. He told me I only had one turn to live and that I should — What is this? What are you doing? I told you to interview the HEALTHY patients! Turn that thing off, shut that —“

“I remember I once found and put on an armadillo cloak, but then I couldn’t get it off! The wooden zipper was really tricky, you see. But Miracle Worker unzipped it like it was nothing. Miracle Worker, you’re the best!”

So call right now and get rid of your aura problems permanently. Guaranteed satisfaction, or your money back! (Miracle Worker does not guarantee satisfaction. Only a small percentage of auras are harmful to their wearers. For doubts or permanency of symptoms consult your medic or town healer.)

This article is a Summer of Emilevin’ contest entry. This 6 week contest gives out both weekly prizes and final prizes of booster packs! You are invited to participate and compete by making some awesome and/or hilarious content of your own! Click on the Summer of Emilevin’ banner above for more information.

(This article contains language.)

An alleged metal-coated crab appeared on the coast of Zhalfir earlier this morning, causing quite the commotion on the normally peaceful region.

According to witness reports, the large crab appeared out of a glowing ball, and asked passers-by for their clothes.

“I was holding a whispersilk cloak for a friend at the time,” said a local merfolk. “My friend would kill me if I had given it to some oversized crab, so I took the cloak on my right hand and extended the left one to the crab. Thankfully, it wasn’t very bright, so it put on a piece of nothing and went on its way.”

The voluminous crab then asked a number of people if anyone knew a man named John Connor.

“Motherfuckin’ crab was crazy, y’all,” said one fellow. “He was all like, ‘Have you seen John Connor?’ Fuckin’ crabs, man, you know what I’m saying?”

“It’s the same thing every year,” said a local man. “A person can’t enjoy a nice walk on the beach, some punk has to appear out of nowhere and ruin everybody’s good time. The world coming to an end, it’s understandable. Being invaded by an army of mechanical horrors, we can live with that. But having to put up with this crap, it’s just unacceptable. Damn crabs!”

Reports indicate the hulking crab then proceeded to hijack a knight’s mount and run off with it. Zhalfirian authorities have no further leads on the alleged crab’s whereabouts.