Interview with a Planeswalker 
Armored Cancrix Asks If You’ve Seen John Connor
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(This article contains language.)
An alleged metal-coated crab appeared on the coast of Zhalfir earlier this morning, causing quite the commotion on the normally peaceful region.
According to witness reports, the large crab appeared out of a glowing ball, and asked passers-by for their clothes.
“I was holding a whispersilk cloak for a friend at the time,” said a local merfolk. “My friend would kill me if I had given it to some oversized crab, so I took the cloak on my right hand and extended the left one to the crab. Thankfully, it wasn’t very bright, so it put on a piece of nothing and went on its way.”
The voluminous crab then asked a number of people if anyone knew a man named John Connor.
“Motherfuckin’ crab was crazy, y’all,” said one fellow. “He was all like, ‘Have you seen John Connor?’ Fuckin’ crabs, man, you know what I’m saying?”
“It’s the same thing every year,” said a local man. “A person can’t enjoy a nice walk on the beach, some punk has to appear out of nowhere and ruin everybody’s good time. The world coming to an end, it’s understandable. Being invaded by an army of mechanical horrors, we can live with that. But having to put up with this crap, it’s just unacceptable. Damn crabs!”
Reports indicate the hulking crab then proceeded to hijack a knight’s mount and run off with it. Zhalfirian authorities have no further leads on the alleged crab’s whereabouts.
