LOCATION, STATE – Federal agents raided the top 8 of a 10-proxy Magic: the Gathering Vintage tournament Saturday evening after being alerted about the event that morning by the Trading Card Association of America (TCAA). At the scene officials collected some 80 proxy cards and arrested every player in the top 8 for copyright infringement on ten of the cards trademarked by Wizards of the Coast. Wizards official and notable green creature Maro appeared ecstatic about the win for Wizards and was quoted as saying “blithering gibberish blah blargh blah bleh blargh,” a sentiment not shared by many players or other sentient beings in general. However, at least one forgettable player willing to identify himself only as UberMexico agreed with Maro, and added “slobber slobber drool.”

Players may have an out

Legal experts say this is not as clear cut as copyright infringement cases in the music, movie, and software industries, where the industries are widely seen as purveyors of truth and justice. “The key differences between the industries,” says legal analyst Glayton Cilette, “are first that Wizards of the Coast does not own more money than God as is the case with the movie and music industries, and second that players do not have to pretend to agree to an End User License Agreement as is the case with software.”

Wizards prepared to sideboard

Inside sources say Wizards is aware of the potential issues and is prepared if the courts rule in favor of the players. “We were going to have to reprint Tarmogoyf eventually anyway, because it was a Time Shifted pre-print”, says Deep Throat, “so our lawyers crafted an ingenious plan to reprint it with an End User License Agreement.” According to gameplay expert Starles Charling this plan may work. “Almost every deck in every format has to play Tarmogoyf or lose,” Starles says, “so there is really no way to get around the EULA.” Other noted experts Yarvis Ju and Pan Statton disagree. Yarvis cited that “Tarmogoyf is not heavily played in Vintage”, the format where copyright infringment is most prevelant. Statton disagrees on a separate basis. “Even though players must play Tarmogoyf or lose,” he said, “some players may still choose to lose.” He added that Wizards would “need to print the EULA on any hate cards that exist for Tarmogoyf.”

1. Grant of Limited Use License. If you agree to this License Agreement, a magical creature (hereafter known as Tarmogoyf) will be able to come into play and wreck house. If your mana pool meets the minimum requirements, Tarmogoyf will enable you to smash face by turning sideways and devouring all creatures in its way. Subject to your agreement and continuing compliance with this License Agreement, Wizards hereby grants, and you hereby accept, a limited non-exclusive license to put Tarmogoyfs into play and smash face with them.

2. Terms of Use. You may not put cards in your deck, sideboard, or into any play zone which were not printed by Wizards of the Coast. If you do put a card into your deck, sideboard, or any play zone, it must have the same name as it did when printed by Wizards of the Coast, regardless of any Sharpie markings indicating otherwise. If you do not agree to the Terms of Use you may neither put Tarmogoyfs into play nor smash faces with them.

3. We are just crossing our fingers and hoping nobody realizes they can simply proxy Tarmogoyfs to avoid agreeing to the License Agreement.