Echo Jacer & Treetop Jacers 
Wizards Cuts Numerous Magic: The Gathering Tournaments
In what Wizards has deemed “nothing short of the best for the future of Magic,” a plethora of tournaments have been cut. Popular events such as Regionals, Nationals, Grand Prix, and Pro Tours have been discontinued. This announcement continues the trend set by Wizards last year when they ended the long-running Invitational, Junior Super Series, and States/Regionals/Provinces/Islands/Archipelagos/Space Stations tournaments.
Says Mark Rosewater, a highly acclaimed Magic flavor author who does some other stuff too, “We cut back on these tournaments because we f*cked up some miniatures game and lost a shitload of money.” When asked why Wizards continues to press forward on a complete and utter debacle, he told reporters that, while it may have seemed impossible ten years ago, the possibility of Shock appearing in a non-red color is very real in the modern age of Magic flavor.
This would, at first sight, leave Magic players with only Friday Night Magic and City Championships, but Wizards says Magic players have nothing to fear. They are introducing what Randy Buehler deems a “super ultimate tournament” called Super Ultimate Tournament. The tournament will be the Two-Headed Giant format, and to qualify, one must win “lots of FNMs and stuff.” Buehler says, “I chose Two-Headed Giant because I knew the format was in extremely high demand amongst the Magic community.”
But this is not all, says Scott Johns. “We have exciting news: we will now be releasing twelve sets a year, instead of four. This will give us the opportunity to make more money to satisfy the Magic community. In the end, the true winners are the Magic players.”
The announcement ending these popular tournaments was considered by Wizards to be important information, but clearly not important enough to warrant it a place outside of one paragraph in Brian David-Marshall’s column, The Week that Was.