Jokulmorder Tests Positive for Power-Enhancing Equipment

Posted on Tuesday, February 10th, 2009 by slugworm
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Posted in mtg

Jokulmorder, widely considered the biggest creature in the game today, tested positive for power-enhancing equipment, according to a report by Jokulmorder was discovered to have been using Leonin Scimitar, O-Naginata, and at one time Golem Skin Gauntlets, according to alleged equipment dealer Steelshaper Apprentice, who is currently standing trial. Jokulmorder, standing at 12/12 and poised to break Krosan Cloudscraper’s record of 13/13 in a matter of years, declined to comment. Family and friends of lands sacrificed to Jokulmorder were visibly upset following the revelation.

Jokulmorder was seen as a hero by many longtime Magic: The Gathering fans. After Cloudscraper tested positive for a Vulshok Morningstar in 2003, fans turned to Jokulmorder as the savior of a game in shambles as a result of the ensuing equipment scandal. With Jokulmorder seen as the greatest “pure” creature left in the game, fans eagerly awaited the day he would grow bigger than Cloudscraper.

Now, that day may never come, if Jokulmorder meets the same fate as Cloudscraper. Numerous players refused to pay Cloudscraper’s upkeep cost; others cut him from their 93-card Green decks. In past years, Cloudscraper has chosen to stay out of the public eye, preferring to stay morphed.

This stunning leak leaves fans to root for Autochthon Wurm, the next in line to finally unseat Phyrexian Dreadnought as the undisputed “largest creature ever.”

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