Sorcerer Magazine, Issue #1

Posted on Sunday, July 12th, 2009 by Basilisk, Sorcerer Correspondent
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Posted in mtg

Welcome to the premier issue of Sorcerer Magazine — Dominaria’s only newspaper about Sorcerers, Sorcery, and Sorcerous happenings.

Sorcerers are very similar to Wizards, although they have much longer hair, and perfer Sorceries as their primary type of magical spell. They are also known for their sweeping robes and unending vanity.

In this first-of-its-kind issue, we sent one of our foremost investigative journalists to talk face-to-face with the various Sorcerers inhabiting downtown Alara. What he found out is so sorcerous that we were legally obligated to print it by the Sorcerer’s Guild! Let’s take a closer look at the day-to-day life of these strange creatures.


With this spell, I can destroy two ceiling lights at the same time. It’s all part of my plan to promote ground lighting, which accentuates my features in a way candelabras never could.”

“Wow, this book is great! Wait, don’t turn the page yet – I’m not done reading it.

Ok, now you can turn.”

“When I was younger, I fell down (while skateboarding, if you must know) into a pile of glowing blue gems.

Since that day, I have never needed to sleep with a nightlight. I consider this my most powerful ability.”

“Could we get a red spotlight on my bare chest, please? These arcs of electricity are making me look pale.”

“I have spent much of my life researching how to control the element of water — summoning it from thin air, making it fly twixt this place and that, bending the raw power of nature to my own will!

I no longer have need for dixie cups or water balloons.”

“Can someone help me out? I got my arms stuck in this thing while I was trying to change the batteries.”

“I’m tired of magazines

Sayin’ flat butts are the thing,

Take the average elemental and ask him that

She gotta pack much tree”

So, fellas! (Yeah!) Fellas! (Yeah!)

Has your girlfriend got the tree? (Hell yeah!)

Tell ’em to shake it! (Shake it!) Shake it! (Shake it!)

Shake those healthy leaves!

Baby got tree!

“Whenever my kids visit it’s only to get +1/+1 until the beginning of the end step.”

More in this issue:

  • Sorceries vs. Instants: Why We Prefer Slower Spells
  • What’s Going On With All These Prodigal Sorcerers?
  • Sorceress of the Week
  • Portal Three Kingdoms — The Last Great Sorcery Set?
  • At-The-Scene: Reporter Slain by Stray Hyphenation