Are you disappointed with your life? Wondering where things went wrong? Never getting what you want while everybody else you know has great jobs, perfect hair, nice houses, and beautiful families that love them? That’s what I was like before I got off my butt, decided to make something of myself, and recognized the power — and the elegant, natural majesty — of Great Sable Stag.

Now, I know what you’re asking. “Gregory,” you’re asking, “sure, Great Sable Stag has gracefully arched horns and firm, brown muscular flanks, and sure, it has a snow white belly as soft as the morning sunshine, but I have real problems. I have a mortgage. I have kids. I’m dyslexic. What can Great Sable Stag do for me?”

Let me tell you: Plenty. Going Stag™ can make the difference between being just another nobody who owes Blockbuster $15 and having the lifestyle you’ve always known you deserved, but never knew how to get, let alone sustain over any length of time without going into crippling debt.

(pictures of champagne, yachts, beautiful women, etc.)

First of all, and I love this, Great Sable Stag is a magical deer from the deep, primeval forests of fantasy. That’s something we can all use. Am I right?

‘Yeah!!’

Second, it’s resonant.

Third, it wrecks faeries. Totally and completely. Faeries isn’t in the room. Faeries just took up badminton and moved thousands of miles away to pursue it professionally. Faeries might as well have never been born. It’s one card that can beat an entire deck — and not just any deck, the best, most powerful, most unfair and unfun deck ever made, played by the worst human beings who ever existed!

‘Boooo!!!!’

That is literally months of worry that you won’t have to endure between now and the next rotation.

Tell me the truth, half of you would still run that if it cost twice as much!

(audience laughs, applauds)

But the really impressive thing is the way Great Sable Stag makes you FEEL. Am I right!?

(audience cheers!)

We’re not just talking confidence, we’re talking Great Sable Confidence. The confidence to run out there on turn three and start beating down with your soft nose and magically long tail. The confidence to start a small business, learn a new language, or finally take things to the next level with that cute babysitter with the lip piercing. Am I right, fellas?

(audience laughs)

But that’s only the beginning. Just listen to these testimonials:

	“I haven’t been able to make love to my wife, despite years of therapy and drugs. But when I saw Great Sable Stag in my opening seven, I get excited. REALLY excited. Now I just make sure to draw it every twenty minutes or so, and it’s like I’m a teenager again!” — Richard Franks, age 42
	“When I know a man is packing a Great Sable Stag, it gets me all hot and bothered. His body just takes control. There’s no way I can counter it.” — Mandy (name withheld), Age 22
	“I like to hug Great Stable Stag when my dad comes home from drinking. It makes me think I also have protection from black and blue.” — Tyler Hudson, age 9
	“Double block with Mutavaults.” — XXXxxxxx

At this point, you may be asking yourself, “Gregory has a good point, but how much does he expect me to pay for all this?”

Would you believe me if I said 3WUBRG?

2WUBRG?

BBRG?

BRRR?

BRGBRRWUUBRG?

Well, today, right now, you can start your journey to victory and self-love for the low low price of 1GG.

That’s right; for less than the cost of a Brooding Saurian, you can beat the best deck in the format, impress your friends, admire the shapely shoulders and thick, luxuriant fur of an untamed, wild, pure-spirited wild animal of the Wyld — AND find the self-esteem and courage to pursue your dreams, leaving your life of mediocrity in the graveyard.

BUT THAT’S NOT ALL!

Act now, and you get the full set of Great Sable Accessories:

You get the Oakenform


The Lifelink


The Firebreathing


The Other Oakenform


AND the Jump

For just three easy payments of 4GG, WR, and U.

That’s a six-for-one! It doesn’t get sweeter than that!

But you’ll know how sweet it is — the first time you hold up the ineffable and incorruptible Great Sable Stag. I know I did, and my life has never been the same.

Go Stag™ with Great Sable Stag and never be effed or corrupted again.

(Results may vary. Not available against Kithkin.)