Meddling Mages Interrupt Town Hall Meetings

Posted on Thursday, August 13th, 2009 by Alfred
More articles by
Posted in mtg

Town hall referrendums over the proposed damage prevention and regeneration reforms have recently come to the forefront of Dominarian attention due to the increasingly rowdy nature of the meetings. Damage prevention and regeneration have been hotly contested issues ever since Planeswalker Obakresh the Defiler has decreed that he would now be in control of what creatures recieve damage prevention and when. “NOW IT IS I, OBAKRESH THE DEFILER WHO CONTROLS ALL MEANS OF DAMAGE PREVENTION AND REGENERATION,” boomed Obakresh in his patented million-tongue scream. “OBAKRESH CONTROL WHEN MEDICS TAP, OBAKRESH CONTROL WHAT DAMAGE THEY PREVENT.”


Obakresh’s plan of placating the masses by allowing them the pittance of talking amongst themselves, however, is being foiled by a very vocal group of mages. “Our plan is to chant so loudly that nobody can get a spell in edgewise,” claimed one of the meddling mages. “Unfortunately, this violent wasteland is an indictment of its people. These cowards lack the will to oppose disorder.”

The mages have been drawing some strong grassroots support. “Listen, I regenerate myself,” said outspoken critic Drudge Skeletons. “I don’t need anybody telling me how and when I need to use my regeneration. I hear people saying ‘Oh, he’s dead anyway, what does he need regeneration for’ or ‘that mana could be used for something else’. Well you know what, that’s MY MANA. We all know where this mana is going anyway, and it has nothing to do with damage prevention, it’s going to those damn Illusions of Grandeur payments that are keeping Obakresh alive.”

Supporters of Obakresh are quick to mention that damage prevention has frequently been misused in Dominaria. “I’ve seen a battlefield medic preventing damage to an Illusionary Servant who was about to be squashed by a Craw Wurm. Everyone knows you can’t heal fog, for heaven’s sake! The medic took one look at the darn thing and it evaporated,” said Enseloth, an Elvish farmer. “I trust Planeswalker Obakresh to make better decisions when it comes to damage prevention,” he added before being sacrificed to a Caregiver to prevent damage to a Darksteel Gargoyle.

One of the more controversial issues surrounding the damage prevention and regeneration is the Death Watch provision, which allows Planeswalker Obakresh to terminate the life of a creature at any time and gain life equal to their toughness. “CREATURES OF DOMINARIA. OBAKRESH WILL NOT DEVOUR YOUR SOUL UNLESS YOU ARE ALREADY ABOUT TO DIE. THIS OBAKRESH PROMISE,” the Planeswalker’s mighty voice echoed throughout the realm. “MAYBE IF YOU ALMOST ABOUT TO DIE, LIKE IF FIREBALL WERE ALMOST BE HITTING YOU, MAYBE THEN OBAKRESH DEVOUR SOUL FIRST BEFORE IT GET BURNED AND UNEATABLE.”