The Kor Outfitters

Posted on Friday, October 2nd, 2009 by Basilisk, GoodGamery Correspondent
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Posted in mtg, ZEN contest entry

Come, Adventurer! How fortunate you are, to be stumbling just now into Kor’s Outfitting Shop.

I can see you are on a quest for glorious fashion. Let us begin!

Here’s a rugged look that’s been sweeping the Octohedral Highlands.

This specimen is ready for any kitchen expedition with dual break-apart waffle irons, heat-resistant shoulder cladding, and genuine leather kitchen smock.

To give the look more authenticity, the Adventurer sports a fierce red wind-swept beard, looking much alike to a fresh peach coated in rusty colored moss.

With the struggles of adventuring weighing heavily on his shoulders like a thick blood-red cowl, this Wizard struts his stuff in front of the purple water veils of Magosi.

Sporting elaborate golden trim and an undercoat of carbon-fiber lattice, he hardly looks like the adventuring type until you notice the flourish of indigo-colored cutoff climbing gloves.

To top it all off, a wind-blown beard and tuft of wizened-white hair frame a world-traveled, grandfatherly face that any young adventureling would take advice from. His advice for today: Always dress well!

Vampire fashion is undoubtedly in this season. Starting with classic black skin-tight Under-Armor shirt and obsidian shoulder pads, the look is made unique by the addition of a hairnet speckled with rare turquoise beads, like fresh dew clinging to the darkened fields of Zendikar’s famous umber-grass. The net also keeps strands of undead hair from falling into your infernal pizza.

For accessories, look for a pair of patterned curtains to drape over your arms. These serve a dual purpose of cloaking your movements, and wiping your hands after doing the dishes.

In Zendikar’s vast woods it pays to be prepared for any type of circumstance. For this survivalist, day-to-day adventures means collecting every bit of rope, pulley, leather, or tree branch to fall in his path. The collection is held together with rugged straps of spun spidersilk, dyed brown with the mud of many expeditions.

Most important to the Survivalist is his “ally knapsack”, which holds the adventurer’s most prized collection – The tokenized memories of all of his adventuring friends. A hat leftover from the hookmaster who toppled off of the great Azure Hedron after their grappling hook accidentally cut through their own line. A left sock from an adventurer who tripped into the canyon of the Eldrazi Monument. A scrap of burnt parchment from the enterprising wizard who discovered that even the Misty Rainforests have volcanic activity in the form of giant balls of lava.

Here we see a majestic ensemble in red steel-grey. The billowing anarchy of the cloaks is a stark contrast to the rigid, mathematical arrangement of the shellwork armor.

Windswept beards again make a prominent showing, hardly suprising due to it being the primary beard style of this generation. Stately and carefree in one moment, companion adventurers are left speechless. You, too, would take a similar confident pose if you were to venture forth wearing this gear.

One of the more suprising discoveries in Zendikar, snakes have been found to cozy up alongside and inside of many of the things adventurers are seeking. Priceless artifacts, ancient treasure chests, precious minerals, and enchanted coat closets have all been affected.

A delightfully plush red rug is used to saunter across snake pits and other obstructions.

The stylish adventurer’s cap is something else altogether. If cobras ambush you while you’re trying to grab a mysterious brown paper bag, the gnome-crafted pointed top will dutifully shunt snakes away from your head, while the side flaps embroidered with autumn-inspired patterns will keep falling serpents from tickling your ears with their playful tongues.

The genuine elven-leather upturned collar protects the adventurer from the kisses of snake ladies who try to make a move on the first date, which is way too early, even for a snake lady.

There is nothing quite so jolly as an elven bard, swinging gracefully from tree to tree in his quest for the Gemfiddle. In this dangerous profession, losing your footing is tantamount to failure – which is why this Bard uses no less than 4 dozen shoelaces on each boot, knotted together in intricate patterns to thwart even the most mischievous tree branch.

Pulling together this whole look is the multiple leather cowl-capes, which protect the wearer’s back and neck from the incredibly sticky maple syrup local to the region.

This Trapmaker’s outfit displays many of the recent improvements in trap-making that were developed by the plane-famous Blue Shapes Laboratory.

A coat rack is mounted on the shoulders, ready to store any priceless capes or robes that are found on this Wizard’s en-clothed expedition.

A matador’s cape is held in one hand, and with a flourish it tricks a rolling boulder into striking the cloth, rather than the wielder. Black is the color that most enrages a stone.

“Be Prepared” is the Kor Scout motto, and here we have a shining example of preparedness. This adventurer supports the popular pure-white windblown hairstyle, sculpted into a twin monument of fuzz by a scrap of leftover map.

A vest of embossed grey leather armor speaks of a long and tiring journey across the cracked plains of Zendikar, on the path for more metal hoops with hooks on them.

Now here is a dedicated, well-trained, and well-equipped adventurer. You can tell by the lava-goggles and trap-bleached hair that this man has spent a good deal of time forging his skills in the Hedron Lava Tubes in search for gem blades and soul stairs. The hedron-shaped spikes on the right shoulder represent completed quests: Three is a very high number for an adventurer who is still alive.

Key adventuring gear in these locales include a chain that clips your sword to your back, just in case the strange gravity fields and spouts of blue roil decide to buffet your adventuring party while they cling to a giant coconut, held safe by only a single twisted line of spiderrope.

Dare ye live this lifestyle? You may want to take a second sword.