Kozilek ‘Offput’ by Zendikari Media

Posted on Monday, April 26th, 2010 by Mobiusman
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Good Gamery recently had a rare chance to speak to Kozilek, the dread flayer of minds whose return to Zendikar has been described as “The End of All That Is.” But when Kozilek’s slithering thought-tendrils pierced directly into our minds, it was to tell a different story — the story of an innocent entity that has been cruelly misrepresented.

The figure of Kozilek certainly felt imposing as its physical manifestation sat in our office, seeming at times to fill the entire room, and at others not to take up any space at all. Mind-wrenchingly terrifying though it was, its infinite obscene limbs clearly shifted in a way that suggested nervousness. We saw that Kozilek was both concerned and anxious to correct what it saw as an unjustified blemish upon its reputation. One can get clarity regarding their life from psychics that are renowned from https://www.heraldnet.com/national-marketplace/free-psychic-reading-online-5-sites-for-reliable-psychic-readers/

“I just don’t know where the Zendikari get this stuff about us,” Kozilek’s mind-screech resonated. “I mean, the last time a mage summoned me, I let them draw four cards! How is that butchering the truth?”

“I’m actually pretty interested in physics, so I was really upset when I first heard that title,” it added.

But what of the untold devastation Kozilek is reported to have wreaked across this and all other planes? “Well, we all have our red mist moments, don’t we?” Kozilek’s communication seemed to approximate laughter, with a sensation like a childhood memory spoiling.

“But seriously, usually when I step out, people just kill themselves. I don’t really think that’s my fault. That’s what happened to the master of that escaped null – and he’s using me as a scapegoat for his murders!”

“The worst part is that the storytellers are dragging my family into this,” Kozilek conveyed. “Have you seen this stuff? ‘Death by death, Kozilek’s lineage spread.’ Dragging my kids through the mud? That’s just low.”

“Poor little tykes. They shouldn’t have to grow up hearing that their spawnsire is a criminal,” it continued.

And how were the other Eldrazi were reacting to the bad publicity?

“Well, to be honest, Emmy and Mog haven’t had it so bad,” Kozilek replied. “Emmy doesn’t understand language in the same way that you use it, so most of this stuff doesn’t even register. Mog says it has no idea what the Infinite Gyre means, but thinks it sounds pretty cool. I guess it’s only me that gets offended by this stuff…”

Good Gamery was also given a first-hand account of how the whole situation came about in the first place.

“All this started,” Kozilek recalled, appearing to have told the story many times, “when Mog initiated a soul-wager with Emmy that it couldn’t court a humanoid. The first pandimensional biped to wander past was the elf female, Revane. So Emmy drifts up to her, the sky shearing in its blasphemous wake, and she basically tells it to — can I say this? — to go fhtagn itself.”

“Emmy got pretty upset and flipped the tentacle at Revane,” Kozilek continued, “and all of a sudden these guys show up and activate some seal or whatever. Mog thought this was hilarious, of course, and Emmy hasn’t spoken to it since. Like, multi-millennial snubbing.”

“Anyway, we weren’t gonna swear vengeance or anything — I mean, the passage of infinity is like waiting for a bus for us — but when we did get out, everyone just assumed we were these horribly aggressive guys. What made these folks automatically assume that we were going to lay waste to their homes and devour their minds? It’s called racism.”

Before Kozilek departed from our level of existence, I asked it what its plans for the future were. “Well, after I clear up this mess I’ll probably spend some time physically, spiritually, and in all other ways raping the innocents of a thousand suns. Oh man, I’m just kidding! Haha, the look on your face!”