‘Star Wars’ Concedes Franchise War

Posted on Wednesday, April 4th, 2012 by paz
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After 35 years locked in heated battle, the Star Trek franchise today declared its official victory over the Star Wars franchise. “After today, no one can say with a straight face, ‘Star Wars, as a franchise, is better than Star Trek,'” Star Trek said, nodding solemnly.

Star Trek then burst out laughing, demonstrating the literal veracity of the statement he just made.

The declaration of victory comes on the heels of the release of Kinect Star Wars yesterday, in which the following occurs:

“It’s bad enough that the Star Wars franchise thought it appropriate to make Han Solo dance and sing poorly-written, auto-tuned lyrics,” Star Trek explained. “But look! He’s singing about escaping the carbonite at Jabba’s palace… while at the carbonite freezing chamber! PLOT HOLE!” Star Trek then snorted, before pushing his taped-together nerd glasses up on his nose.

Star Wars gave a short concession statement last night from his home at Skywalker Ranch, surrounded by friends and family.

“Before, we were able to go back and forth pretty evenly,” Star Wars recollected fondly. “I had the prequels, Trek had Enterprise. I had Jar Jar, Trek had DS9’s embarassing parallel universe. I had George Lucas, Trek had Brannon Braga. I had that Christmas special, Trek had Nemesis.”

“But nothing Star Trek has done or ever will do can compare to this,” Star Wars admitted, accepting a tissue offered by a nearby Ewok. “I really dropped the ball. I let everyone down. I’m so, so sorry.”