Chandra Nalaar for Planeswalker 
The New Flavor of Magic
What up dawgs? Just MaRo Monday poppin’ in to let you know we here at Wizards pay close attention to what our customers want. Magic is a game of the people! And according to our research wizkids, junk food and MtG are inseparable! While me and Hasbro were pondering this connection at a Bohemian Grove soiree, the beings that puppet Frito Lay approached us with quite a chill idea. So for this Fall of 2015 I’m pleased to announce that the cards you love are teaming up with the taste you crave to bring you:
Atacolypse is a stand alone product for both the Magic: the Gathering and Frito Lay brands; we’ve combined, or flavortwisted, the short-burst excitement and rich taste of Magic cards with the diversity and collectibility of Frito Lay’s Doritos Corn Chips. Curious to see what I mean? Well munch right in boi!
Dang that’s tang. Lime Spiral perfectly captures the experience of eating Chile Limón® Doritos while playing midrange. Notice the new ability snackrifice. When you snackrifice a permanent, you get the drop on your opponent’s dad’s spending money by forcing that ‘dult to purchase a delicious Frito Lay product of your choice. “Pump the breaks!,” you may say. “What use is even more Doritos mouth sensation to me?”
Say whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa? Let me tell y’all about livin’ la Vida Loca; MaRo knows about livin’ la Vida Loca. And now players like you can too! Think of la Vida Loca as like multikicker for your taste buds; the more you enjoy, the better the spell. But enjoy responsibly (the squares at the FDA made me put that jazz in. Pbbbftft, whatever). Hey, yo, how do you know which flavor of Doritos best fits your spending habits/lifestyle? Wisdom in 3…2…1…
Say whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa? You’re probably thinking, “Those dudes at Wizzers must have lost their darn minds!” But that’s not true pleeb: we opened our minds. Speaking of opening things, open and then eat lots of Doritos to make this spell more powerful. But huh? Duh? Whu? Snackback? Yeah son, flashback to the snack Samurai Jack! This is called conserving design space. Burn that creep, stop to eat, and repeat! Just call me Snackcaster Mage! Just call me Think Spice! Just call me Rescoop. But you shouldn’t double dip, that’s not cool- you know what, MYTHICS!
Stop the presses! What’s this buzz about a contest? For a limited (lol) time we’re teaming up our team up to give one lucky person FREE MAGIC CARDS FOR LIFE!!!* If that isn’t enough to whet your appetite than maybe you should go eat some flippin’ Pringles you Yu-Gi-Oh tweenage scrub for brains. Alright, that’s all I got for this week. Look forward to seeing you brosefs on the convention floor/tipsy at a gas station at midnight on a Wednesday. Peace and may the taste be with you!
*Free Magic cards is limited to less than a penny draft fodder and all non-Hymn to Tourach cards opened from slightly damaged Fallen Empires packs found under Ken Nagle’s bone pile in the supply closet of R&D. Offer available for a limited time, results may vary. Snack responsibly.
