Author: basilisk

Information leaked about Wizard’s plans to revamp its sagging brand

News leaked today of some of Wizard’s plans to overhaul its sagging tournament scene less than a day after their announcement that Champs events would be cancelled for 2008. The information comes from Steve Bates, the candy and soda machine filler for the Hasbro subsidiary Wizards, and he spoke under condition of anonymity since no official announcement has yet been made. Calls placed to Wizards were not immediately returned.

“They are moving towards hiring a celebrity to be the front man for the tournament scene.” Steve told us. “The likely candidates, from what I’ve been able to hear (editor’s note: in addition to being very bad at reading disclosure contracts and trusting the media, Steve also is adept at listening in on conversations, his mom must be so proud), include Vern Troyer, Peyton Manning, and Zak Dolan.” He added.

Vern Troyer, of Mini Me fame, has recently become somewhat of a cultural icon for his commercial for World of Warcraft. Vern is a Mage (and a master of the arcane), but a little known fact is that he is also an avid Magic the Gathering (MtG) player. Vern has been known to frequent MtG bulletin boards and argue any and all comers on a variety of topics, including the economy, women’s fashion, love, the superiority of Microsoft products, why the NBA is not hemorrhaging fans, and whether or not you’ve just committed a scum tell. (editor’s note: out of respect for Vern, we will not divulge his online alter-ego).

Zak Dolan, the first ever Magic world champion is also known for his trading prowess. He once, according to Wizard’s own magazine The Deulist, traded the contents of a revised starter deck to make a deck that beat a fully powered deck. (editor’s note: we could easily make an RM joke here about the veracity of outrageous trades, but that would imply that Zak isn’t a stand-up guy, which is totally not true).

Peyton Manning, well, he’ll endorse anything, so why not? We caught up with his handlers while Peyton was on a Rite-Aid Vitamin Butter commercial shoot. They had no comment.

Steve concluded out interview by mentioning, “Did you know that Mark Rosewater drinks like 6 TaB colas a day? Seriously, I thought that stuff caused brain cancer.”

In a news conference today, Nintendo unveiled an exciting new Nintendogs crossover, bringing the company that makes the popular Magic: The Gathering (MTG) card game back into the video game genre (WoTC’s other computer-based game, Magic: The Gathering Online, or MODO, has suffered recently from its lack of compatibility with the internet). The new game will work several beloved MTG canines into the established Nintendogs model. The available dogs include the popular Wild Mongrel and Jackal Pup.

I was given an opportunity to play a beta version of the new game, tentatively titled “Nintendogs: Tap to Cuddle”. After turning on the game, I was prompted to choose the dog I wished to control, and I chose Wild Mongrel (seen pictured here).

The first thing I noticed about my mongrel, that I’d named Bad Newz Bob, was that he wasn’t all that responsive to my commands. In fact, I sometimes felt like I was being controlled by him. One thing I learned quickly was that my mongrel likes to eat, and in a brilliant move by Wizards, he only eats Magic cards (thankfully they only cost about as much as a cup of coffee a day, so it’s no t a big deal). I have to point my DS at a trash can and show Bob that I am throwing away a brand new, unopened pack of cards before he will let me use the stylus. Also, it may be a bug in the game, but on several occasions, I have received a pop-up asking me (though it refers to me as Jeff Cunningham?? – this is not the name I gave the game which makes me think it’s a glitch) if I’ve broken the format yet.

Another thing I found odd about the Wild Mongrel was that I swear I’ve caught it watching me. I woke up after dozing off while trying in vain to get Bob to play fetch to see him staring at me and growling. Fortunately, I hadn’t fully opened my eyes, and I quickly shut them again. Much to my relief, after I did so, along with controlling my breathing and rapidly beating heart, the game quieted down.

After the strange experiences with the Wild Mongrel, I decided to try one of the other, possibly nicer, dogs and so I chose Jackal Pup (it just looks so cute in the picture). I immediately ran into problems. When I tried to shut my DS off, I received a mild electric shock. When I turned the DS back on, I received another mild shock, and was horrified to learn, and see, that my Jackal Pup (whose name was Fido) had been torn to shreds by my old Wild Mongrel, who was now staring straight at me and growling enough that my DS shook! After feeding him a box worth of Legions packs, I was able to calm him down enough to leave the game and call Nintendo. They told me I could send them back the game, which I did.

A few days later, I sat down to play Pokemon and discovered that the Wild Mongrel had stayed in my DS and destroyed nearly all of the Pokemon I’d caught to that point. Long story short, I was able to find a Sudden Shock and wedge it into my DS to kill the Mongrel, but not before he was able to completely disable the lower screen. I called both Nintendo and Wizards to tell them about what I’d observed, and while Nintendo was somewhat sympathetic (they offered to sell me a new DS), Wizards was only interested in hearing how many packs of cards I had bought to feed the Mongrel. When they asked me if I would still consider feeding it if booster packs cost $4.49 each, I hung up on them.