Category: card

  • Kormus Belleren & Jaceful Antelope

    Magic: The Gathering has a long history of printing color hosers. These are cards like the famous Hydroblast and Flash Flood that literally hose down red opponents with water. With Kormus Belleren, you can turn your opponent’s powerful Planeswalkers into weak, mewling cadets.

    “I don’t have the time or energy to keep up with new cards, so Kormus Belleren is perfect for me – it hoses new cards that I’m afraid of. Since it’s also an artifact, I can put it in all of my decks.” – MTGO User

    Next, here’s a card that hoses Planeswalkers while comboing with Kormus Belleren. First, you play Jaceful Antelope, and then you cast Kormus Belleren. Now their Planeswalkers are all creatures, but they can’t block Jaceful Antelope – aha! In the final stage of this combo, attack with Jaceful Antelope for 20 turns.

  • Jaceless Butcher

    Jaceless Butcher is a beloved card for enabling the “triple butcher” trick, which is where you live in a town with 3 butchers, but can’t find a baker or a candlestick maker within walking distance. That’s why we decided to include this card in From the Vault: Jace.

    And now a word from world-famous magical card slinger, Jarvis Yu:

    “When Good Gamery gave me this card to preview, I was honored, as is the tradition in my culture.” – Jarvis Yu

    We also like this card because it tells a story. It’s the story of a hideous monster with misshapen arms and no face who thinks a powerful wizard is his friend, when the wizard is not.

  • Announcing: Jace Week

    It’s Jace Week here at Good Gamery. In celebration of the new collector’s set, titled “From the Vault: Jace”, we will be giving you sneak previews of cards every day.

    Sometimes we will show you these new Jace cards one at a time, and sometimes it will be two at a time. Today we will start with two of our favorites from Good Gamery R&D.

    About Jace

    About Jace has showed that even one copy of a sufficiently powerful loyalty-increasing card can warp formats when combined with powerful card-drawing Planeswalkers. Multicolored joke decks were among the best decks in Standard and Extended for a long time. One of the reasons they were so strong is that if an aggressive creature deck got ahead of them, all they had to do to catch up was find their single About Jace with one of their myriad card filtering effects. This meant that any creature deck had a massively uphill battle to fight against this tireless champion of an instant, and this had an oppressive effect on the format. Good players simply played joke decks rather than expose themselves to getting About Jaced out of games.

    Battlejace Angel

    Battlejace Angel is a tribal creature card designed with hammer of “Tribal Matters” striking against the anvil of “Creatures”. It’s a big creature, and the best creature, which hardly seems fair to me. We like the card anyhow, because we like sending big Wizards into the red zone. (This card is a Wizard.)

    Battlejace Angel has been printed for the first time as a Wizard Angel. Here it is with new art, which is also a new thing we added to this card. It also features new collector’s numbers and a never-before-seen copyright date.

    We’ll tell you more about this exciting new collection at the end of Jace Week, but until then, enjoy the sneak previews every day this week, only at Good Gamery!

  • Fall 2010 preview: Pirates and Wenches and Rum

    We here at goodgamery.com have done it again! Our crack agents* have infiltrated R&D and have come back with notes from 2010’s fall expansion. The block is code named rape/burn/pillage and its theme is pirates, proving once and for all that Wizards is out of good ideas.

    Extensive focus group polling** has shown that players cannot get enough of islands, so this set will have an “islands matter” theme. We are moist with anticipation. ***

    Important rules changes for rape block:

    • “Battlefield” renamed to “Spanish Main.”
    • “Destroy x” retemplated to “Make x walk the plank.”
    • “Graveyard” renamed to “Davy Jones’ Locker.”
    • Players do not have libraries because pirates cannot read.

    Ready to dive in?

    White

    James Goodhead, Pirate Hunter – 2WW
    Legendary Creature – Human Hunter Fop (Mythic)
    First Strike
    Whenever a pirate enters the Spanish Main or attacks, exile James. Return him to the Spanish Main at the beginning of the next end step.
    3/3

    Goodhead’s Love Interest – WW
    Legendary Creature – Human Harlot (Mythic)
    At the beginning of your upkeep, if you control both James Goodhead, Pirate Hunter and Goodhead’s Love Interest, and no pirates are on the Spanish Main, you win the game.
    All creatures have: “T: Gain control of Goodhead’s Love Interest.”
    0/1

    Path to Davy Jones’ Locker – W
    Instant (Uncommon)
    Make target creature walk the plank. Its controller searches his or her library for an island card and puts that card into play tapped. (Libraries don’t exist.)

    Catholic Schoolgirl – 1W
    Creature – Human (Common)
    Sacrifice a rum: Catholic schoolgirl is a harlot in addition to her other creature types until the beginning of the end step.
    2/2

    Blue

    Stingray – U
    Creature – Fish Assassin (Common)
    Islandhome
    T: Bury target hunter at sea.
    Too soon?
    1/1

    Moby Dick – 6UUU
    Legendary Creature – Fish Cetacean (Mythic)
    Islandhome, Protection from Ships.
    Power and toughness are unknown. (Nobody has ever gotten to the end of Moby Dick.)
    */*

    Blue Balls – 1U
    Enchantment – Aura (Common)
    Enchant Creature
    Enchanted creature doesn’t untap during its controller’s untap phase.
    Tap a Harlot you control: Make Blue Balls walk the plank. Any player may play this ability.

    Black

    Smooth Criminal – BB
    Creature – Human Pirate Rogue (Common)
    Fear
    Smooth criminal wishes he were white.
    At the beginning of your upkeep, if an opponent cannot prove they are over 18, put a +1/+1 counter on Smooth Criminal. (A valid state driver’s license is acceptable proof.)
    Defnitely too soon.

    2/1

    Blackbeard, Goodhead’s Nemesis – 3BB
    Legendary Creature – Human Pirate
    At the beginning of each player’s upkeep, that player makes target non-pirate creature they control of their choice walk the plank.
    If a Hunter or Harlot walks the plank in this way, put a +1/+1 counter on Blackbeard.
    “I know what you’re thinking and yes, the carpet does match the curtains.”
    3/3

    Bukkake, Whore’s Wage – B
    Enchantment – Aura (Uncommon)
    Enchant Harlot
    At the beginning of your upkeep, put a -1/-1 counter on enchanted harlot for each other creature in play. It becomes white until the beginning of the end step.

    Unkill – B
    Sorcery (common)
    Return target creature from your Davy Jones’ Locker to your hand.
    After the first time his spell was renamed, the necromancer was merely demoralized, but after the second time he said unkill.

    Red

    Pirate Pillager – 4RR

    Creature – Human Pirate

    1RR, T: Make target artifact or land walk the plank. Masticores that walk the plank this way cannot be regenerated.

    4/4

    The Beast – 4RR
    Legendary Creature – Demon (Rare)
    Whenever a Harlot you control becomes the target of a spell or ability an opponent controls, that opponent sacrifices seven creatures.
    “Avenged.”
    4/4

    Persuasive Recruiter – 2RR
    Creature – Human Pirate Harlot (Uncommon)
    Whenever a creature enter the Spanish Main under your control, that creature becomes a pirate in addition to its other creature types and target opponent sacrifices a permanent unless they pay 2.
    “Join us and all this booty could be yours!”
    2/2

    Fusillade Cannonnade – 3R
    Sorcery (Rare)
    Until the beginning of the end step, permanents you control gain “T: This permanent deals 2 damage to target creature or player and 3 damage to you. Draw a Card.”

    Green

    Thai Hooker – 1G
    Creature – Human Harlot (Common)
    When Thai Hooker enters the Spanish Main, flip a coin. If you win the flip, draw a card. If you lose the flip, put an indestructible green Herp token into play that has “At the beginning of your upkeep, you lose 1 life.”
    2/2

    Pegleg Privateer – 2G
    Creature – Human Pirate (Common)
    Pegleg Privateer enters the Spanish Main with 2 leg counters.
    If pegleg privateer would be dealt damage, prevent that damage and remove a leg counter from it.
    When pegleg privateer has no leg counters, sacrifice it.
    3/2

    South Pacific Bachelor Party – 2GGG
    Sorcery (Rare)
    For each harlot you control, each opponent puts one indestructible green Herp token into play that has “At the beginning of your upkeep, you lose 1 life.”

    Trojan Man (TM) – 2GG
    Legendary Creature – Human Superhero (Rare)
    Protection from Harlots.
    4/3

    Artifact

    Captain Morgan Black – 1
    Artifact – Rum (Uncommon)
    T: Target creature thinks it can fly until the beginning of the ends step. Come next turn, that creature will never want to drink Captain Morgan Black ever, EVER again.

    Roofie Delight – 2
    Artifact – Rum (Uncommon)
    T: Target creature doesn’t untap during its controller’s next untap step.

    Yo Ho Ho and This – 4
    Artifact – Rum (Rare)
    At the beginning of your upkeep, put a 1/1 Pirate creature token onto the Spanish Main.
    If you control 15 pirates and your Davy Jones’ Locker contains a pirate, you win the game.

    USS Constitution – 6
    Creature – Ship (Rare)
    Islandhome, Indestructible
    3/3

    RMS Titanic – 8
    Creature – Ship (Mythic)
    Islandhome, Not Indestructible
    Probably not too soon.
    9/9

    Land

    The Lost Island
    Legendary Land – Island (Rare)
    Phasing
    At the beginning of the end step, a random player gains an extra turn after this one.
    “Ben decides that the island is no longer secret enough and turns a big underground dial that moves the island, teleports him to the Sahara desert and back in time three years, and screws up time on the island.” -skamunisM

    The Best Little Whorehouse
    in the South Pacific

    Tribal Land – Harlot Island (Common)

    Australia
    Legendary Land – Island (Mythic)
    You receive an additional 2 armies per turn.

    Join us next time when we spoil 2011’s expansion, “drinking/dancing/sodomy.” That third set is a doozy!

    * And by that we mean agents that are addicted to crack.
    ** Focus group membership: LSV and Wafo-Tapa.
    *** Like your mother was last night.