“Wanna Be a great player, Wanna make the Pro-Tour? You can’t! Not with that attitude. My Magic training is the best there is and it’s not cheap and it is nasty and I don’t take wannabee’s! SO BUCKLE UP.”
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“This has been a major complaint amongst players for some time. Combat just isn’t very interactive. We’re hoping that Theros’s new Blocking mechanic will fix all of this. Take a look at this spicy meatball…”
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“When I came to, I found myself chained to the wall of a dark, dank dungeon that smelled vaguely of swamp gas. Which wasn’t that surprising; that’s par for the course after a night with Liliana. What was surprising was seeing Chandra Nalaar down there.”
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Around the world, Magic Online players are steeling themselves for an upcoming surge in hypocrisy coinciding with the Theros prerelease, feared to be the worst in recorded history.
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“When I came to, I had no idea where I was, which seemed to be the theme for the day. But in a welcome change, I didn’t actually hurt any more. I was laying prone and my cheek was stuck to something.”
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“Battlewise Hoplite is a pretty awesome 2/2 human for two. Being able to scry for one AND put a +1/+1 counter on him every time you hit him with a spell seems fantastic.”
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Kalimera, Good Gamerers! Through skullduggery and gumption, our friend Jethro has managed to sneak a peak at 5 new cards from the upcoming set, “Theros!” Don’t be Hellenvious; he’s sharing the information with us all, via perfectly-crafted, grammar-impeccable MSE proxies.
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“‘As articulate as ever, Robert. Having a bad day?’ I stiffened. I loathe being called Robert. There’s only one person that ever calls me that. A person whom, not coincidentally, I also loathe.”
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“I have a wide assortment of spells of all varieties, from this realm’s ferocious creatures, to the latest advances in arcane sorcelation, to artifacts forged in the hottest of Rath’s ferocious furnaces! From abbey gargoyles to Zuran spellcasters, Fizzwand has it all!”
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Allied Expedition Faces Inquiry 
