The Summer of Emilevin’ contest was the biggest, best contest we’ve ever done at GG. Our cups ranneth over with tons of awesome content produced by awesome GGers. But now that the contest is at an end, it’s time to determine the most awesome contributors of all.
Go here to see a rundown of all the contest entries and VOTE for your favorite contributors! Voting requires free forum registration.
This was a jam-packed week of Emilevin’ articles! And, alas, it was the last week of the contest. Today, it is your duty to VOTE and help determine which Week 6 item will earn its creator some boosters.
Click here to VOTE! (You must register on the GG Forum to vote, of course.)
Here are the five items you’ll be voting on:
This article is a Summer of Emilevin’ contest entry. This 6 week contest gives out both weekly prizes and final prizes of booster packs! You are invited to participate and compete by making some awesome and/or hilarious content of your own! Click on the Summer of Emilevin’ banner above for more information.
As often occurs at Tolarian Academy, students studying there have found a glut of free time this summer. In the name of Magical Science, they took a few minutes and slopped off a study about the creatures living in Dominaria. Debates are ongoing as to whether the scientific method applies to magical beings.
This is what they found:
This article is a Summer of Emilevin’ contest entry. This 6 week contest gives out both weekly prizes and final prizes of booster packs! You are invited to participate and compete by making some awesome and/or hilarious content of your own! Click on the Summer of Emilevin’ banner above for more information.
This article is a Summer of Emilevin’ contest entry. This 6 week contest gives out both weekly prizes and final prizes of booster packs! You are invited to participate and compete by making some awesome and/or hilarious content of your own! Click on the Summer of Emilevin’ banner above for more information.
Bendan Blawmi is 20 years old, is single and likes to play baccarat. He has the best profession in the world. He’s a mine bearer. I went to interview him in a coffee house in Jamuraa. Who knows if this isn’t the coffee house Bendan will blow up in soon? To help break the ice, I offer him a cigarette.
Want one?
No, thank you. I don’t smoke. Those things can kill you, y’know?
Why mine bearer?
I didn’t really have much of a choice. My dad was a mine bearer, and so was his dad. As the firstborn, it’s my job to carry on the family work. It’s in my blood, and therefore soon will be splattered on the wall.
How did your family react to the news?
They knew I wanted to follow the fuse my granddad lit. I’ve always had the mine bearing bug in me ever since I can remember. When I was a little kid, I had the habit of throwing myself into the pool, power mine style, and soak all the keldon kids. I think it’s something that’s born with you, y’know? My family took it well. My brothers look up to me, they know a mine bearer is someone who rises up in life. My mother settled herself with my choice, but she insisted I graduated. She said an uneducated man is no more than a goblin and that, if my mine bearer career went south, I’d need something to hold on to. If I still had hands, that is. She said, “crippled is one thing, crippled and stupid is something else!”
Do you have an idea how you’d like to go off?
Well, you can never control these things, but I have an idea what I’d like to do. Above all else, I want to be successful and blow up correctly. My dream, of course, is to take a gargadon or a wurm with me, something big that people will remember me for. The one thing I dread is to be a dud, to fail to blow up a guy because they found someone’s cloak lying around. Sometimes I have nightmares that I try to blow up a Bog Elemental, that I pull the pin but the mines don’t explode. And I’m left standing there, with everyone laughing at me. I wake up panicking. It’s like those dreams you have as a kid, that you go naked to school…
And after you blow up, what do you think happens?
Man! After I blow up, I’ll wake up in heaven, next to the Prophet and seventy virgins! I’ll have seventy virgins all for myself!
Bendan, have you ever been with a virgin?
My sister.
Sexually, I mean.
Oh, no.
Do you know how much trouble a virgin is? You have to convince her to go to the bed, convince her you really do like her and that no one will think she’s a slut just for sleeping with you. Then comes the sex – well, let’s just say all that kinky stuff you see Jolrael doing in your magazines won’t fly with a virgin. And in the end, she’ll hold on to you so hard you won’t be able to get free to take a leak until morning.
I did not know that…
And worst of all, no matter how lousy you were, she’ll always look at you as “the first”. She’ll think you have some kind of special bond or something and she’ll never want to leave you. And that’s just one virgin, now imagine seventy.
I had never thought about it that way. No wonder they call it eternity…
One of Magic’s greatest strengths is the player’s ability to create their own game experience. Not only can you generate an astoundingly large different number of decks, you can change the very rules themselves. Several of these variants have gained widespread acceptance, and we’ve finally gotten around to making you pay us for them.
Now you and your backwards, Luddite friends can enjoy the format that Magic Online players are raving about at your own kitchen table! Includes:
MSRP: $149.99
Experience magic’s entire rich history, or at least the parts you can come up with on the spot. Includes:
MSRP: $16.99
Experience the endless replayability of draft with the power and synergy of constructed at the expense of both! Includes:
MSRP: $59.99
Restrictions breed creativity, which can be a real burden. Now with DC10 you can turn off your brain and cast huge monsters. Includes:
MSRP: $21.99
Take a break from the frustration of losing to your best friend by exchanging it for the frustration of your best friend causing you to lose to others. Includes:
MSRP: $1.19
The events of the year 4205, commonly – if dramatically – referred to as ‘The Apocalypse’, left a lot of unresolved problems for Dominaria as a whole to deal with. Now, ten years later, the Good Gamery news team has set out to find the answer to one question nobody seems to want to ask: What happened to all the artifacts?
“Just look at this thing,” sighs Saldrath, the celebrated artificer and optician known for his work restoring the Glasses of Urza. He sits back hopelessly in his chair and hands us a Phyrexian Lens. Sure enough, only a murky darkness is visible through the innocuous glass eyepiece. “It can’t have always been like this,” Sadrath grumbles. “Otherwise they wouldn’t have been able to see, right?”
The optometrical tragedy is not an isolated incident. Historical relics and household conveniences alike bearing the mark of the Father of Machines have ceased to function ever since his destruction ten years ago. Junior research assistants walking through Phyrexian Portals have gone missing. Phyrexian Processors produce 0/0 specimens, which are put in their owner’s graveyards as a state-based action. Phyrexian Vaults refuse to lock their doors.
Although these malfunctions may seem trivial compared to the large-scale ecological changes that have occured across Dominaria in the past decade, some experts are concerned about their lasting impact. Kabel, Tolarian archivist, tells us: “the fact is, we don’t know if society can function without Phyrexian power. Obviously we can do without the Phyrexian War Beasts and such, but what about Phyrexian Dishwashers? Phyrexian AC Converters? Phyrexian Change Sorters? No-one likes to admit it, but our economy is heavily reliant on Phyrexian manufacturing.”
Certainly big talk, but for one Kjeldoran patrolman, the effects of the crisis have a more immediate form. Thangbrand Gyrdsson stands kneedeep in snow outside his newly-built home, futilely adjusting dials on his Phyrexian Snowcrusher. “Every winter, we go through this,” Thangbrand seethes, sticking his head into one of the many dormant chimneys on the juggernaut’s surface. “Give me the Invasion any day!”
