Good Gamery

Tag: ein

  • Kaleidostoned



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  • Designing While Asleep at the Wheel?

    Wizards Preemtively Bans Five Cards from Fall 2009 Set

    In a surprise announcement, Wizards of the Coast (WotC), a Hasbro subsidiary (NYSE: HAS), has banned five cards from their upcoming block, codenamed “Live/Long/Prosper”. While still intending to print, package, and distribute these five cards, they are henceforth illegal in all formats (including casual, internal testing leagues, and all draft formats), due to their game-warping abilities. According to Mark Rosewater, a WotC designer, the decision was made “after careful consideration of the five’s current and future effect on the game, as well as the design team’s desire to not design any more cards for this block.”

    When pressed further as to why the design team decided to waste five slots with so obviously broken cards in a set that hasn’t even made it to the printers yet, Rosewater, with anger in his voice, said, “[…] and we are expected to design three sets a year. Three sets. Do you realize how many cards that actually is? I can’t even count them it’s so many (he is gesturing wildly with his arms here — ein). And players are expecting cards with mechanics they’ve never seen before, in addition to all their favorite old mechanics, and of course more gold cards. We just don’t have enough time to come up with good ideas, so sometimes powerful cards slip through the cracks unnoticed. You would probably like it if every card were as balanced as Tolarian Academy, Astral Slide, Scryb Sprites, and Skullclamp, wouldn’t you? Good design takes time man.”

    What then, you may be curious, do these cards actually do? In another rare misstep, the WotC website, magicthegathering.com (you must click the link below the balls or you can”t get past them) accidentally released the pending Oracle text of each of the cards in the announcement of their banning. They are listed here in their entirety:


    Gambling for Fun (and Profit)

    R
    Enchantment
    During your upkeep flip two coins. If you win both of those flips, yYou win the game.

    Some people will only gamble on a sure thing. Some people don’t understand “gambling”.


    Catch Them All

    U
    Enchantment
    If at any time you control all the creatures in play, you win the game. (if there are no creatues in play, you still win the game)

    Having toughness and determination is good and all, but killing your opponent before the fight starts is better.


    Eager Defense

    W
    Enchantment
    During your upkeep, if you control two or more creatures, and none of those creatures have a toughness greater than 1, you win the game.

    Putting your kids on the front line shows you’re serious.


    The Benefits of Home Ownership

    G
    Enchantment
    If mana from a basic forest was spent to play this card, you win the game.

    Don’t worry, it may not look like much but it’s rent-controlled.


    The Death of Intelligence

    B
    Enchantment
    If, during your upkeep, you have fewer cards in your hand than your opponent, you win the game.

    Getting ahead isn’t about having the most knowledge, it’s about ramming your agenda through by force.

    “We thought these cards would liven up the game, and since Battle of Wits was so well received, we thought we’d try again. But BoW decks are big and complicated to play, and require lots of time to shuffle, so we wanted to do this series so that the conditions were easier to fulfill.” Rosewater explained. He went on, “Were the new ones too easy to fulfill? Since they’re banned, I guess we’ll never know for sure, will we?”

    You may be wondering why the Future League or Future Future League failed to expose the power of these cards. According to Rosewater, “Seriously? You’re surprised this wasn’t caught? I’m pretty sure I’ve mentioned before that everyone here thinks enchantments are jokes. No one plays those things.”

  • Point/Counterpoint: Powerstone Minefield vs. Mobilization

    Uh Oh, Something Feels Wrong

    Something doesn’t feel right. I haven’t felt good for a while now. I suppose one could think it odd for a landscape to have an illness, but I assure you, I have one. Could this be due to the impending flip of Earth’s magnetic poles? Regardless, something is off. None of my grass is still alive and all the rabbits and foxes that used to live in burrows on my land are torched beyond recognition. Even the carrion birds that would like to eat those crispy little critters are staying away.

    *cough* *cough*

    Hmmm, I don’t sound very good. Maybe I should take a nap. Yeah, a nap sounds pretty good. I hope for everyones sake I am not disturbed by that ominous looking mass of people off to my left. They are in for a rude surprise if I am disturbed while napping.



    Retreat, Men, Retreat… OH NO, IT’S TOO LAaaaaaaaa… IT BURNS!

    A soldier a turn, that’s pretty good right? Eventually, we’re going to build up to two soldiers a turn, and then… look out! Until then, I should put another token into play. Building an army has never been easier. Well, never been easier if you’re not a thallid that is. But, I digress. There is work to be done. We thus far can’t outfit our soldiers with anything more than the swords on their backs. I’ve been fighting so long, I can’t even remember who we’re fighting against. No matter, I’m just here to make soldiers; guess I’ll put another one into play. I wonder what these guys do all day? I’ve heard of other armies putting their skulls in clamps, but what good does that do? Motivation? I highly doubt that. The poor people they put in there end up in mass graves, or so I’ve heard.

    Oh, wait… what’s this? The call to attack? This must be it! I am so proud of all of you men, I just wanted you to know. Mind what you have learned, save you it can. One of you needs to stay back and guard the fort, right? Oh, right, I will just make another to guard. Nevermind.

    Is that screaming I hear? What is going on over there?

    That is screaming! Oh no! My poor soldiers, they are dying and dying. And for what? They haven’t done anything to anyone. I think I might cry. Please make it back to me safely, men. I will miss you if you’re gone forever. Why would anyone do something like this to my soldiers. It’s not like they are important to anyone but me. They aren’t even real people, they’re just tokens. Don’t they deserve a chance?

    Wait… I can just make more. Whatever.


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  • Linzards of the Linoast Releases Open Magic

    (From the Linzards of the Linoast web site…)

    Wizards of the Coast (WOTC, a subsidiary of Hasbro, NYSE: HAS) has long held a monopoly over the collectible card game known as Magic: The Gathering (MtG). We at Linzards of the Linoast have been working, along with several prominent MtG players, such as Trey Van Cleave, to produce an open source version of the popular game, one that combines all the features one would expect from the original, yet offered under the GPL. The result of this work is Open Magic!

    The requirements for using Open Magic are as follows:



    • 1 Collection of physical MtG cards
    • 1 Pair household scissors
    • 1 Pack standard issue index cards
    • 1 Pen
    • 1 Stapler pre-loaded with staples
    • 1 Scanner
    • 1 Computer capable of running Adobe Photoshop™
    • 1 Copy of Adobe Photoshop™
    • 1 Color Printer
    • 1 Set of standard issue card sleeves to fit MtG cards

    As you can see, the barrier to entry is very low!

    In order to use Open Magic, simply do the following:


    Step One:



    Trace one of you regular MtG cards on one of your notecards, using some type of pen. To facilitate proper integration with standard MtG cards and sleeves, make sure to trace carefully! (Linzards of the Linoast recommends not consuming caffeine, alcohol, or other drugs at least 45 minutes prior to beginning tracing to ensure a steady hand.)


    Step Two:


    Cut out the card you just traced, using your scissors. Again, following the lines in essential for future compatibility.


    Step Three:




    Scan both the front of the card you are intending to use with Open Magic (this is why it is imperative that you own a collection of physical cards!), and the back of any card you choose.


    Step Four:


    Print out the card front and card back that you just scanned.


    Step Five:


    Cut out your front and back printouts, then staple them (make sure you face them the right way!) to the piece of notecard you cut out in Step Two. This is now your Open Magic card!


    Step Six:


    JK, there isn’t really a step six (:D)!! Check out this sample hand. It was generated using both the pre-existing, proprietary Magic: The Gathering cards, as well as our new Open Magic island. You can’t tell the difference, can you? We thought not!




    (Discuss this item in the forum!)

  • Mad Libs: Choosing a New Magic Set!

    The newest set in the Magic the Gathering Universe is called the

    of

    . It will debut in October 2008. This set will be the first in a series of three that makes up a new block. It will be aimed at

    as all Magic the Gathering sets generally are — we need the money. Inevitably, the theme of this new set will leave many players with the urge to voice their displeasure on


    . We have decided based on previous research that the most
    set theme is


    . Regardless, we hope to circle back to the

    theme in the near future, so don’t worry! Another exciting development in this new set is the introduction of

    rares that we hope will increase everyone’s

    in the game.

    Probably the most fun part of

    Magic set is picking the codename for that set and block. For the next set, we have decided that the codename will be

    . I bet you can’t guess why! Okay we’ll tell you: we love watching funny shows!!!

    As with any new Magic set comes the job of integrating it into Magic the Gathering online. We know that players will be excited to see and play with the newest cards. We assure them that server overload

    be a problem during that week. We ask them to be patient (but not to give up

    cards) and remember that it’s just a game. If you experience any problems, please don’t hesitate to call us (note that offer of help is merely a kind gesture of appeasement on our part, no help is actually available; for rules and limitations contact our lawyers).

  • ‘Chop: NOM NOM NOM

  • Wizards Announces Shadowmoor Theme Song

    Hasbro subsidiary Wizards of the Coast today unveiled a new marketing scheme that will accompany the release of the next stand-alone expansion to their popular Magic: The Gathering (MtG) card game, called Shadowmoor. This new set brings back a concept not seen en masse since the Ravnica block: cards that have more than one way to pay their casting cost. This introduces a number of challenges for would-be players, while at the same time introducing deckbuilding flexibility. To help get players — new and old alike — excited about this mechanic, Wizards has tapped popular recording artist Josh Groban to write and perform a thematically appropriate song that champions Shadowmoor.

    With Groban’s work complete, Mark Rosewater (a Wizards employee) has released the final version of the song in anticipation of release week. He said that he hopes that the song will be “bigger than that Numa song.” To this end, Wizards has begun contacting some familiar Youtube.com stars in the hopes that they will generate parody videos. He has also asked members of GoodGamery.com, a wildly popular gaming website frequented by rabid Magic players, to head to Youtube and click on the song’s video to keep it on the “favorites” list.

    Here then, are the lyrics to the song.

    “O Casting Cost” by Josh Groban

    (Sung to the tune of “O Christmas Tree”)

    Oh casting cost, oh casting cost, how shall I pay for thee?

    Oh casting cost, oh casting cost, how shall I pay for thee?

    In play I have two swamps, a plains, can I now cast ‘Curse of Chains’?

    Oh casting cost, oh casting cost, how shall I pay for thee?

    Oh curse you Mark, oh my sore head, how did he ever pay for those?

    Oh wait I know, oh now I’m dead, three Demigods: I am hosed

    You tap a swamp, and I can’t tell, the color of, your creature spell

    Oh casting cost, oh casting cost, how shall I pay for thee?

    I have to think, which I despise, I should have quit after revised

    Oh casting cost, oh casting cost, how shall I pay for thee?

    Generally regarded as possessing an incredible voice and knack for writing, and with one of the best-selling Christmas albums in recent memory, this is not what Josh Groban’s fans have come to expect. When asked about the song, Groban said that he “put time in commensurate to what I was paid. And in reality, I know nothing about the game. Is it related to those Pokemon toys?” One can only hope that more time (and money) was put into designing Shadowmoor than was put into marketing it, but considering a major theme is recycled, prospects do not look good.

    (or do they! – paz, ‘Grobaniac’)

  • Fast Breaking News Flash! Wizards to get celebrity help

    Information leaked about Wizard’s plans to revamp its sagging brand

    News leaked today of some of Wizard’s plans to overhaul its sagging tournament scene less than a day after their announcement that Champs events would be cancelled for 2008. The information comes from Steve Bates, the candy and soda machine filler for the Hasbro subsidiary Wizards, and he spoke under condition of anonymity since no official announcement has yet been made. Calls placed to Wizards were not immediately returned.

    “They are moving towards hiring a celebrity to be the front man for the tournament scene.” Steve told us. “The likely candidates, from what I’ve been able to hear (editor’s note: in addition to being very bad at reading disclosure contracts and trusting the media, Steve also is adept at listening in on conversations, his mom must be so proud), include Vern Troyer, Peyton Manning, and Zak Dolan.” He added.

    Vern Troyer, of Mini Me fame, has recently become somewhat of a cultural icon for his commercial for World of Warcraft. Vern is a Mage (and a master of the arcane), but a little known fact is that he is also an avid Magic the Gathering (MtG) player. Vern has been known to frequent MtG bulletin boards and argue any and all comers on a variety of topics, including the economy, women’s fashion, love, the superiority of Microsoft products, why the NBA is not hemorrhaging fans, and whether or not you’ve just committed a scum tell. (editor’s note: out of respect for Vern, we will not divulge his online alter-ego).

    Zak Dolan, the first ever Magic world champion is also known for his trading prowess. He once, according to Wizard’s own magazine The Deulist, traded the contents of a revised starter deck to make a deck that beat a fully powered deck. (editor’s note: we could easily make an RM joke here about the veracity of outrageous trades, but that would imply that Zak isn’t a stand-up guy, which is totally not true).

    Peyton Manning, well, he’ll endorse anything, so why not? We caught up with his handlers while Peyton was on a Rite-Aid Vitamin Butter commercial shoot. They had no comment.

    Steve concluded out interview by mentioning, “Did you know that Mark Rosewater drinks like 6 TaB colas a day? Seriously, I thought that stuff caused brain cancer.”

  • Nintendo Signs Crossover Pact with WOTC

    In a news conference today, Nintendo unveiled an exciting new Nintendogs crossover, bringing the company that makes the popular Magic: The Gathering (MTG) card game back into the video game genre (WoTC’s other computer-based game, Magic: The Gathering Online, or MODO, has suffered recently from its lack of compatibility with the internet). The new game will work several beloved MTG canines into the established Nintendogs model. The available dogs include the popular Wild Mongrel and Jackal Pup.

    I was given an opportunity to play a beta version of the new game, tentatively titled “Nintendogs: Tap to Cuddle”. After turning on the game, I was prompted to choose the dog I wished to control, and I chose Wild Mongrel (seen pictured here).

    user posted image

    The first thing I noticed about my mongrel, that I’d named Bad Newz Bob, was that he wasn’t all that responsive to my commands. In fact, I sometimes felt like I was being controlled by him. One thing I learned quickly was that my mongrel likes to eat, and in a brilliant move by Wizards, he only eats Magic cards (thankfully they only cost about as much as a cup of coffee a day, so it’s no t a big deal). I have to point my DS at a trash can and show Bob that I am throwing away a brand new, unopened pack of cards before he will let me use the stylus. Also, it may be a bug in the game, but on several occasions, I have received a pop-up asking me (though it refers to me as Jeff Cunningham?? – this is not the name I gave the game which makes me think it’s a glitch) if I’ve broken the format yet.

    Another thing I found odd about the Wild Mongrel was that I swear I’ve caught it watching me. I woke up after dozing off while trying in vain to get Bob to play fetch to see him staring at me and growling. Fortunately, I hadn’t fully opened my eyes, and I quickly shut them again. Much to my relief, after I did so, along with controlling my breathing and rapidly beating heart, the game quieted down.

    After the strange experiences with the Wild Mongrel, I decided to try one of the other, possibly nicer, dogs and so I chose Jackal Pup (it just looks so cute in the picture). I immediately ran into problems. When I tried to shut my DS off, I received a mild electric shock. When I turned the DS back on, I received another mild shock, and was horrified to learn, and see, that my Jackal Pup (whose name was Fido) had been torn to shreds by my old Wild Mongrel, who was now staring straight at me and growling enough that my DS shook! After feeding him a box worth of Legions packs, I was able to calm him down enough to leave the game and call Nintendo. They told me I could send them back the game, which I did.

    A few days later, I sat down to play Pokemon and discovered that the Wild Mongrel had stayed in my DS and destroyed nearly all of the Pokemon I’d caught to that point. Long story short, I was able to find a Sudden Shock and wedge it into my DS to kill the Mongrel, but not before he was able to completely disable the lower screen. I called both Nintendo and Wizards to tell them about what I’d observed, and while Nintendo was somewhat sympathetic (they offered to sell me a new DS), Wizards was only interested in hearing how many packs of cards I had bought to feed the Mongrel. When they asked me if I would still consider feeding it if booster packs cost $4.49 each, I hung up on them.