“Excuse me for not reading bad cards from a million years ago in my spare time. Okay, I get what you’re saying – but players identify with their krakens and hate them to have negative experiences. What about instead of it getting bigger and smaller, it just starts small and gets bigger.”
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A poem of inspiration you may have heard before at the Isolated Chapel, or seen on your angel-figurine-hoarding aunt’s bathroom wall.
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After nearly two decades of quixotic experimentation as some sort of absurd professional sport, Magic: the Gathering, a fantasy-themed paper product sold at supermarkets and toy stores by Wizards of the Coast, a subsidiary of Hasbro corporation, has officially announced its return to its roots – a card game that people play for amusement and distraction.
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Duelists’ Convocation International, the governing body of Magic: The Gathering sanctioned tournaments, issued its semiannual banned and restricted announcement last month, forbidding players of the Standard tournament format from including tournament powerhouses Jace, The Mind Sculptor and Stoneforge Mystic in their decks for sanctioned matches, with one exception – if they really, really love them.
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(This article contains language.) ‘Sup my grizzlies. Big ups to my boy copper myr. Copper myr’s my boy, got me out here back in turn three, big ups to my boy copper myr. And big ups to my boy memnite. Little duder rolls small, but he rolls. You know you respect that. That’s what respect is about. And big ups to my new homie, Origin Spellbomb.
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Welcome to GyantSpyder’s Nothin’-but-Chaff Set Review, M11 edition. My ratings are all for the same format: Shoebox in the Back of Your Closet Constructed. I might add commentary for other formats I play or hear other people talk about, but if I don’t mention a card, it’s probably because it thinks it is better than other cards, and I’m not interested in jerkface, persnickety cards like that.
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(Warning: This article contains language.) Even to a pig like me, it’s clear Zendikar is goin’ to slop.
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Emrakul, the Aeons Torn, a legendary evil from the Blind Eternities that blasts holes in space-time with its mind, stepped gingerly aside this afternoon to allow a pig with teeth to pass.
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Shadowmoor Nights, Part I 
