In an act that has excited citizens and civil authorities around the world, the G-20 and the United Nations have simultaneously voted on a mutually binding resolution to mill the world’s bombs.
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That lovable scamp, Wizards of the Cost R&D puppy “Li’l Tapper,” is at it again! It was a rare sunny day in the Pacific Northwest, and Li’l Tapper was stuck sitting inside the Wizards offices between the Pepsi machine and a giant fiberglass statue of Goblin Ski Patrol.
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Are you disappointed with your life? Wondering where things went wrong? Never getting what you want while everybody else you know has great jobs, perfect hair, nice houses, and beautiful families that love them? That’s what I was like before I got off my butt, decided to make something of myself, and recognized the power — and the elegant, natural majesty — of Great Sable Stag.
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Facing an overwhelming force intent on expansion, redrawing the map and its resettling and modernizing its traditional homelands, the Elder of the Sakura Tribe has declared an end to years of armed retreat and asymmetrical warfare by surrendering to Magic: The Gathering rules manager Mark Gottlieb.
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HARRIS FAMILY DINING ROOM TABLE — In a bold, costly attempt to end instability and conflict brought on by the summoning spells of mighty wizards, Karrthus, Tyrant of Jund announced the nationalization of all dragons on Tuesday.
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Dearest Mother, I hope this letter reaches you. I have paid the messenger the last of my cigarettes and several other things I dare not mention, in the hopes that my words might find your eyes. I fear my own may never gaze into them again.
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AURORA — 26-year old Stephen Prohashkos was released from a 13-year Stasis lock today, as ongoing global economic and credit turmoil finally rendered 33-year old Walter Phillips unable to pay a blue mana during his upkeep. As a result, Prohashkos has finally untapped and, according to family and friends, is ready to move on with life.
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From the Vault: Conservator 
