Still I Rise

April 16th, 2010
Article Icon
by Ulamog Angelou

You may tap your collared sparkmage,
You may cut me from your 60,
You may kill me with the legend rule,
But still, like bread, I rise.

More...

Nations Agree to Mill the World’s Bombs

September 29th, 2009
Article Icon
by GyantSpyder

In an act that has excited citizens and civil authorities around the world, the G-20 and the United Nations have simultaneously voted on a mutually binding resolution to mill the world’s bombs.

More...

R&D Pup Fetches Lands

September 10th, 2009
Article Icon
by GyantSpyder

That lovable scamp, Wizards of the Cost R&D puppy “Li’l Tapper,” is at it again! It was a rare sunny day in the Pacific Northwest, and Li’l Tapper was stuck sitting inside the Wizards offices between the Pepsi machine and a giant fiberglass statue of Goblin Ski Patrol.

More...

Go Stag™ with Great Sable Stag

August 3rd, 2009
Article Icon
by GyantSpyder

Are you disappointed with your life? Wondering where things went wrong? Never getting what you want while everybody else you know has great jobs, perfect hair, nice houses, and beautiful families that love them? That’s what I was like before I got off my butt, decided to make something of myself, and recognized the power — and the elegant, natural majesty — of Great Sable Stag.

More...

Sakura-Tribe Elder: “I Will Fight No More Forever”

June 12th, 2009
Article Icon
by GyantSpyder

Facing an overwhelming force intent on expansion, redrawing the map and its resettling and modernizing its traditional homelands, the Elder of the Sakura Tribe has declared an end to years of armed retreat and asymmetrical warfare by surrendering to Magic: The Gathering rules manager Mark Gottlieb.

More...

Lord of Jund to Nationalize Dragons

April 29th, 2009
Article Icon
by GyantSpyder

HARRIS FAMILY DINING ROOM TABLE — In a bold, costly attempt to end instability and conflict brought on by the summoning spells of mighty wizards, Karrthus, Tyrant of Jund announced the nationalization of all dragons on Tuesday.

More...

A Letter from Grizzly Bears

March 6th, 2009
Article Icon
by GyantSpyder

Dearest Mother, I hope this letter reaches you. I have paid the messenger the last of my cigarettes and several other things I dare not mention, in the hopes that my words might find your eyes. I fear my own may never gaze into them again.

More...

Economic Crisis Breaks 13-Year Stasis Lock

March 2nd, 2009
Article Icon
by GyantSpyder

AURORA — 26-year old Stephen Prohashkos was released from a 13-year Stasis lock today, as ongoing global economic and credit turmoil finally rendered 33-year old Walter Phillips unable to pay a blue mana during his upkeep. As a result, Prohashkos has finally untapped and, according to family and friends, is ready to move on with life.

More...