Lord of Jund to Nationalize Dragons

Posted on Wednesday, April 29th, 2009 by GyantSpyder
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Posted in ALR contest entry, best of, mtg

HARRIS FAMILY DINING ROOM TABLE — In a bold, costly attempt to end instability and conflict brought on by the summoning spells of mighty wizards, Karrthus, Tyrant of Jund announced the nationalization of all dragons on Tuesday. The move puts a variety of key economic functions under the direct control of Karrthus, including Hunting, Harvesting Devastation, Igniting and Awakening, as well as the tides, most of the stars, and the Game-Trail department.

If successful, Lord Karrthus would come into play, assume sole control of all dragons, and untap them with state resources. The plan does not require the consent of the dragons, and, upon execution, would be permanent. Current dragonholders would be wiped out.

“We know this will take massive resources and has a low probability of success,” said Karrthus during a recent whistle-stop tour of five mountains, a scrubland and the City of Brass. “But these dragons represent an unacceptable systemic risk that only the government can properly untap and administer.”

When asked whether the Karrthus administration would put restrictions on the dragons to prevent them from continued ravaging, Jund Press Secretary Flameblast Dragon said, “All dragons are on the table at this point.”

It is by far the most expensive and broad dragon nationalization on record, although Karrthus has been quick to point out that dragon seizures are fairly common during periods of interplanar conflict. Previous plans, however, tended to take place at half the cost, in one color, with broad legislative support, and with counter backup.

Even in those cases, the plans were unpopular, and this one is not without its detractors.

A coalition against the nationalization, led by former Nicol Bolas minion Malfegor, has mobilized in protest. In support of the effort Malfegor is, through a third-party vendor, selling limited-edition posters of Lord Kathara teabagging him.

“We’re not sure he knows what he means,” said one zombie on the condition of anonymity, “but we’re willing to humor him if puts that uppity Jundie in his place.”

A press release from Malfegor’s staff office read, “This is more tap-and-spend from a government that has run out of ideas. We’ve all heard of big plans like this before, but how many of those plans ever resolved? All our swamps are still tapped from the Debtors’ Knell he tried to play last turn, and we’re not seeing that anytime soon. A DRAGON WILL NOT BE RULED!”

When asked about Malfegor, Karrthus remarked, “Of course dragons can be ruled. That’s the basis for the entire dragon system of government. As Mr. Malfeagor knows all too well, there is always a greater power.”

“Also, you can do pretty much anything for seven mana.”

Karrthus confirmed that, barring counters, the action would be completed with haste.