Tag: skeletor

Hello, Gamers.

Hello, gamers. Look at your creature.

Now back to me. Now back at your creature. Now back to me.

Sadly, he isn’t me. But if he stopped wearing a goth dog collar and switched to a Basilisk Collar, he could attack like he’s me.

Look down, back up. Where are you? You’re in the red zone with a creature your creature could attack like.

What’s in your hand? Back at me. I have it. It’s a binder with four copies of that card you love. Look again, the cards are now Mox Diamonds.

Anything is possible when your creature attacks like a Basilisk and not like a puppy. I’m on a ledge.

March 9, 2010

Magical Cards Facebook Feed 2


	Bog Wraith suck it Scathe Zombies! July 10, 2009 Holy Strength, Giant Growth, and 5 others like this.
	Aaron Forsythe is extremely happy with the “flavor reboot” in M10. For the first time we are presenting a compelling, cohesive, and completely intuitive fantasy world to new players. July 8, 2009 Howling Mine I totally agree. Now that you’ve gotten rid of all the cards whose flavor made no sense, you won’t have to look for such cards ever again. Well done!
	Amnesia posted his Top 5 New M10 Cards June 30, 2009 Kelinore Bats, Runeclaw Bears, Essence Scatter, Act of Treason, and Divination. Fade from Memory likes this.
	Kaboom! Billy Mays: REST IN PEACE June 28, 2009 Oxidize likes this.
	Lifelink joined the group Cards named after abilities. June 27, 2009 Fear Why can’t I join this group? Vigilance you’re looking for “abilities named after cards”, grandma
	Kjeldoran Knight is looking for another knight to band with. Let me know if you know anyone. June 26, 2009 White Knight Sorry man, I’m kind of busy. I just got reprinted you know. Black Knight Will any knight do? Kjeldoran Knight Yeah any knight at all. Black Knight So you’re saying… it don’t matter if I’m black or white? White Knight lol Squire too soon :(
	Overrun can somebody make some damn tokens over here? June 26, 2009 Elvish Archdruid Sorry, I only make mana! Llanowar Elves It’s ok, nobody’s perfect.
	Savannah Lions is friends with Captain of the Watch. June 25, 2009 Serra Angel honestly man, you’re embarassing yourself
	Savannah Lions changed his profile picture. June 25, 2009 Savannah Lions sup guys :) Serra Angel this is just sad Air Elemental you didn’t make it, give it up
	Magma Spray is looking for Kitchen Finks. Anyone know where I could find them? June 25, 2009 Harm’s Way Sorry man, no idea. But you know what? I think it would be way more interesting to go find Figure of Destiny. Figure of Destiny buh? Magma Spray Sweet, thanks for your help!
	Lightning Bolt thinks he nailed that job interview :) June 16, 2009
	Nantuko Husk While it used to require a trained professional to deal combat damage, that’s no longer the case: Modern combat damage is as easy as 1, 2, 3, literally. June 12, 2009 Nantuko Husk Grab the book nearest you. Right now. Turn to page 56 and find the FIFTH sentence. Post that sentence AS YOUR STATUS. Post these instructions in a comment to this status. Use the CLOSEST book. Don’t dig for your favorite book, the coolest, the most intellectual. Use the CLOSEST book. Mogg Fanatic What a weird coincidence, I’m reading Combat Damage for Dummies too.
	Pulse of the Forge left the group Cards you can pretend are in your deck when you accidentally take mana burn June 11, 2009 Braid of Fire Oh cheer up! Maybe we can work together ;)
	Wizards of the Coast posted a note: M10 Rules Changes. June 10, 2009 We have instituted some exciting new changes to the way Magic works! Read all about them here: http://www.wizards.com/magic/magazine/article.aspx?x=mtg/daily/feature/46a Wall of Denial I’m pretty sure this is just a late April Fool’s joke Anger What the FUCK. I’m quitting Magic forever. Yawgmoth’s Bargain I’ve got a better idea for how you can fix Deathtouch. Despondency im going to kill myself Acceptable Losses In six months we probably won’t even remember playing with the old rules.
	Wizards of the Coast tagged Ball Lightning in a photo. June 10, 2009 Ball Lightning what the hell Ball Lightning man, i look awful there. i don’t remember this picture at all.
	Glacial Fortress joined the group Chase Rare Lands that could have easily been Uncommon. June 9, 2009 Twilight Mire sup Secluded Glen Hi and welcome to the steadiest-growing group on Facebook!
	Yann Massicard changed his profile picture. May 30 2009
	Yann Massicard is feeling lucky :) May 30 2009

July 21, 2009

GoodGamery News – The Unexpected Malfegor Paradox

CAIRO, EGYPT — At the sentencing for Wall of Denial, who was found guilty of perjury, obstruction of justice, and just plain difficult to deal with, a Stern Judge told the condemned Wall of Denial that he will be killed by a Malfegor at noon on one weekday in the following week but that the killing will be a surprise to the Wall.

“You will not know the day of the killing until the Malfegor knocks down your cell door at noon that day and quickly shreds your flesh and devours you,” the judge told the Wall, who continues to deny any wrongdoing.

After the sentencing, the Wall of Denial made a statement concluding that he will escape from the killing.

“My reasoning is in several parts,” said the Wall, “First, I have concluded that if the killing were on Friday then it would not be a surprise, since I would know by Thursday night that I was to be killed the following day, as there would be only one day left in that week, so it cannot be on a Friday if it is to be a surprise.” He added “By the same reasoning, the killing cannot be on a Thursday as that would also not be a surprise, since I would know on Wednesday that there are only two days left in which I could be killed, and I already know I cannot be killed on Friday.” The Wall continued with this line of reasoning, eliminating Wednesday, Tuesday and finally Monday as possibilities.

When contacted by GoodGamery News, the Malfegor claimed that he was free to kill the Wall any day of the week, and that it would come as a surprise to the Wall. “Wall of Denial has concluded that he will escape the killing,” explained the Malfegor, “and therefore, it will come as a surprise to him no matter what day I choose to quickly shred his flesh and devour him.”

May 22, 2009
GoodGamery News – May 2009

Dead On Repeated Arrival of Faeries

MTGO, INTERNET – Local Black/Green Elves player Samwise GeeGee was attacked last night by a gang of 1/1 Faerie Rogue tokens with flying. He was pronounced dead on arrival: He did not have a Pulse.

Tattermunge Maniac Green with Envy

JUND, ALARA – A local Goblin Warrior named Tattermunge Maniac attacked his coworkers at his office in Jund last week when he discovered that his hard work had lead to a bonus for his coworker. “I do all the hard work of being multiple colors, and he gets +1/+1 and Haste,” said the Maniac about his Goblin Berserker officemate Jund Hackblade. Just before attacking the GoodGamery News van, the Maniac elaborated “He costs twice as much as I do and sometimes doesn’t even attack, I think I deserve at least as big of a bonus as he does!”

Akroma and Child Die in Freak Childbirthing Accident

DOMINARIA, REGULAR NON-ALTERNATE UNIVERSE – Moments after giving birth to a daughter, the legendary creature announced that she would name her daughter after herself. Before anyone could gain priority to respond, both mother and child were put into a graveyard from play.

MTGO Alara Reborn Game Logs Leaked

MTGO, INTERNET – Reader Winston Churchill sent in the following game log from the Magic: the Gathering Online beta.
– Zombie Churchill plays Enigma Sphinx
– Zombie Churchill plays triggered ability of Enigma Sphinx
– Zombie Churchill reveals ??? from Cascade
– Zombie Churchill plays ???
– Zombie Churchill plays triggered ability of ???
– Zombie Churchill reveals Mask of Riddles from Cascade
– Zombie Churchill plays Mask of Riddles
– Zombie Churchill says: “A Mask of Riddles wrapped in a mystery wrapped in an Enigma Sphinx!”

Dauntless Escort Goes AWOL

JUNGLE SHRINE, ALARA – A Dauntless Escort went AWOL today during a routine battle near the Jungle Shrine. GoodGamery News caught up with the not-so-dauntless Dauntless Escort for an interview, in which he appeared strangely animated, and even enchanted at times. When asked why he fled the scene, the Rhino Soldier claimed that the end times were near and that the Wrath of God was coming down upon us. His Sigil Captain dismissed these claims as the ravings of a religious lunatic, and said that if the Wrath of God had come down he would know about it. “I’ve done some pretty disturbing things in my time for a few +1/+1 counters,” the Captain said, “and believe me, I would be dead by now if God had any say in the matter.”

Obesity Epidemic Declared Over

JUND, ALARA – The number one health issue on the minds of Alaran residents this year has been the obesity epidemic that the media have termed Lards of Alara. But now officials are saying the epidemic is over quicker than it began. “There is no obesity problem in Alara”, stated Wall of Denial, the newly appointed Defender of Health. The Wall did not elaborate and could not be the target of further questioning.

Elven Game Considered More Dangerous than Goblin Game

JUND, ALARA – Authorities were called to an Alaran Elementary School for Elves when it was reported that elven schoolgirls were participating in the dangerous game of braiding each others’ blood. Witness reports suggest that the authorities simply stood there for a full turn after arriving on the scene, while the schoolgirls escaped with haste.

A Momentary Blink of Reason

NAYA, ALARA – After returning home from work last night, Sir Lanceabit, a Knight of the White Orchid, searched his library for a Sacred Foundry and put it into play tapped. He was immediately surprised and killed by his pet Nacatl. Friends of the deceased have reported that Sir Lanceabit believed he had purchased a Domesticated Nacatl and that he did not expect it to grow larger than 2/2.

May 17, 2009

Magical Cards Facebook Feed


	Will wrote on Architects of Will‘s Wall: “Happy Mother’s Day!” May 10, 2009
	Nacatl Outlander completed the quiz “Which Invasion block card are you?” with the result “You are Yavimaya Barbarian”. May 9, 2009 Yavimaya Barbarian does not like this. Yavimaya Barbarian Bullshit!
	Progenitus posted a note: My 25. May 8, 2009 You all know the drill. Write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits or goals about you. At the end choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. 1. I have protection from fireflies 2. I have protection from angry mobs 3. I have protection from most household cleaning products … Stun Sniper lol #19 is totally me Wrath of God why do i never get tagged in these things :(
	Identity Crisis joined the group Black White Tokens Sideboard Cards. May 7, 2009 Head Games Hey man, welcome aboard! Make yourself at home, we’re like a family here! Ajani Goldmane awkward
	Enlisted Wurm is friends with Wrath of God. May 6, 2009 Enigma Sphinx :hifive:
	Enigma Sphinx is friends with Enlisted Wurm. May 6, 2009
	Deathbringer Thoctar poked Spirit Token. May 5, 2009
	Deathbringer Thoctar poked Spirit Token. May 5, 2009
	Deathbringer Thoctar poked Spirit Token. May 5, 2009
	Deathbringer Thoctar poked Faerie Rogue Token. May 5, 2009
	Deathbringer Thoctar poked Faerie Rogue Token. May 5, 2009
	Jund Charm gave two +1/+1 counters to Deathbringer Thoctar. May 5, 2009
	Wall of Denial was tagged in a photo. April 30, 2008 Wall of Denial that’s not me
	Progenitus posted his Top 5 Borderposts April 21, 2009 Fieldmist, Firewild, Mistvein, Veinfire, Wildfield
	Maelstrom Pulse joined the group Type 2 Chase Rares. April 20, 2009
	Blitz Hellion completed the quiz “Which Invasion block card are you?” with the result “You are Shivan Wurm”. April 18, 2009
	Jund Hackblade and Figure of Destiny are in a relationship. April 16, 2009
	Meddling Mage completed the quiz “Which Invasion block card are you?” with the result “You are Galina’s Knight”. April 16, 2008 Meddling Mage wtf Terminate you’re doing it wrong
	Ardent Plea is friends with Hypergenesis. April 15, 2009 Progenitus likes this.
	Stun Sniper poked Steward of Valeron. April 14, 2009 Steward of Valeron n e time baby ;) Wilt-Leaf Liege cool ur jets hussy, he’s got work to do
	Tidehollow Sculler posted 5 Things I Could Grab from Where I’m Sitting: No Cheating April 2, 2009 Wren’s Run Vanquisher, Profane Command, Twilight Mire, Treetop Village, Cloudthresher Spectral Procession grab the thresher pls
	Progenitus is wondering why he never gets friend requests :( March 31 2009
	Magic Online posted a note: “Sorry all the events are crashing. We will now be taking entries manually.” March 31 2009 Pumbles Mumbles CAW Show 126 more comments… Samwise_GeeGee CAW
	Wizards of the Coast posted a note: Prismatic out, Kaleidoscope in. March 20, 2009 Oversoul of Dusk likes this. Sakura Tribe Elder does not like this.
	Marcio Carvalho left the group Pro MtG Players. March 1, 2009
	Marcio Carvalho posted on Lukasz Musial‘s wall: “Hey man, what cards you got there?” Feb 21, 2009

May 11, 2009

Invincible Counterfeit Troll

USA, EARTH – Borderland Behemoth got +8/+8 at a press conference early Wednesday morning after two money-printing giants announced that they were entering play together. Long-time rivals in the money printing business, the United States Mint and Wizards of the Coast have announced that they are teaming up to combat counterfeiting. “We have set aside our difference to work toward a better future,” said Wizards’ PR Manager Somebody McNobody, “a future where terrorists cannot enter play with false money, and where players cannot play in proxy tournaments.” He added “We are sharing our anti-counterfeiting techniquies, and you can expect to see the new dollar bills and new cards with our shared technology on them at your local banks and nerdshops within the week.”

April 29, 2008
GoodGamery News – Zen and the Art of Shadowmoor Limited

Abysmal Hunter

Local Wumpus hunter and bear-arm collector Rune McKnight was killed yesterday in a hunting accident when he went out after threshold. His mother, who was hunting with him at the time, was unharmed and was available to make a statement early this morning. “He told me to save myself, so I did,” said Mother of Runes, visibly tapped from the incident. She added “for weeks he had been talking about that Werebear he saw, and he just had to have it, but I guess he just ran into the wrong two bear arms.”

Rakdos Goes Hybrid

Rakdos, Inc. unveiled its new line of hybrid creatures at prerelease events across the country last Saturday. The creatures, which are both black and red, are said to be more manabase friendly than traditional models. Most players see this as a step in the right direction from a company that has a long-standing reputation of being harmful to manabases. “I just can’t afford BBB for products like Necropotence on my manabase,” says notable black player Osyp Lebioyzxiwkaspy, “and to make matters worse, Rakdos has come out with many products that actively destroy manabases, such as Stone Rain and Rain of Tears.”

Consumer advocacy groups warn that while hybrid costs are easier to pay than traditional colored mana costs, some of the models are not as manabase friendly as advertised because the company has in some instances replaced colorless mana costs with the new hybrid mana costs.

Nobel prize winning human economist Nobel Templar sees the move to hybrid costs as one of desperation from a company with an erratic stock price, and warns that the play may backfire. “Stockholders need to know at all times how their company is doing financially,” he says, “but investors who first-pick a Demigod of Revenge, for example, may not know until the fourth or fifth pick if their company is in the red or the black.”

President Requests New War On Terror Budget

The President sent a bill to Congress yesterday evening requesting another 301 million black mana to spend on the War on Terror. The proposal includes a plan to target every American with Aphotic Wisps. The White House spokesman was quoted as saying it will “effectively end Terror in the homeland.” Everyone in the world with an IQ of at least forty has noted that the same effect could be achieved for a single black mana with Darkest Hour, a fact that has gone unnoticed by the majority of Americans. Some conspiracy theorists believe a superior effect could be had for 1BR using Dralnu’s Crusade.

Transguild Courier Voted Sexiest Artifact Creature — Golem Alive

Transguild Courier was voted Sexiest Artifact Creature — Golem alive by readers of Golems magazine as published in the April issue. When summoned for comments, the artifact creature said “I appealed to environmentally-aware voters because of my reputation for being green, to patriotic voters because I am unashamed to prominently display my country’s colors, and to non-terrorist voters for my efforts to support the war on terror on both fronts.” When this reporter told him to “get over himself,” the golem responded “I am possibly the most humble golem alive, and one of the things that makes me so attractive is that my abilities are unaffected by my Humility.”

(Discuss this item in the forum!)

April 25, 2008
GoodGamery News – Top 8 to 10

LOCATION, STATE – Federal agents raided the top 8 of a 10-proxy Magic: the Gathering Vintage tournament Saturday evening after being alerted about the event that morning by the Trading Card Association of America (TCAA). At the scene officials collected some 80 proxy cards and arrested every player in the top 8 for copyright infringement on ten of the cards trademarked by Wizards of the Coast. Wizards official and notable green creature Maro appeared ecstatic about the win for Wizards and was quoted as saying “blithering gibberish blah blargh blah bleh blargh,” a sentiment not shared by many players or other sentient beings in general. However, at least one forgettable player willing to identify himself only as UberMexico agreed with Maro, and added “slobber slobber drool.”

Players may have an out

Legal experts say this is not as clear cut as copyright infringement cases in the music, movie, and software industries, where the industries are widely seen as purveyors of truth and justice. “The key differences between the industries,” says legal analyst Glayton Cilette, “are first that Wizards of the Coast does not own more money than God as is the case with the movie and music industries, and second that players do not have to pretend to agree to an End User License Agreement as is the case with software.”

Wizards prepared to sideboard

Inside sources say Wizards is aware of the potential issues and is prepared if the courts rule in favor of the players. “We were going to have to reprint Tarmogoyf eventually anyway, because it was a Time Shifted pre-print”, says Deep Throat, “so our lawyers crafted an ingenious plan to reprint it with an End User License Agreement.” According to gameplay expert Starles Charling this plan may work. “Almost every deck in every format has to play Tarmogoyf or lose,” Starles says, “so there is really no way to get around the EULA.” Other noted experts Yarvis Ju and Pan Statton disagree. Yarvis cited that “Tarmogoyf is not heavily played in Vintage”, the format where copyright infringment is most prevelant. Statton disagrees on a separate basis. “Even though players must play Tarmogoyf or lose,” he said, “some players may still choose to lose.” He added that Wizards would “need to print the EULA on any hate cards that exist for Tarmogoyf.”

1. Grant of Limited Use License. If you agree to this License Agreement, a magical creature (hereafter known as Tarmogoyf) will be able to come into play and wreck house. If your mana pool meets the minimum requirements, Tarmogoyf will enable you to smash face by turning sideways and devouring all creatures in its way. Subject to your agreement and continuing compliance with this License Agreement, Wizards hereby grants, and you hereby accept, a limited non-exclusive license to put Tarmogoyfs into play and smash face with them.

2. Terms of Use. You may not put cards in your deck, sideboard, or into any play zone which were not printed by Wizards of the Coast. If you do put a card into your deck, sideboard, or any play zone, it must have the same name as it did when printed by Wizards of the Coast, regardless of any Sharpie markings indicating otherwise. If you do not agree to the Terms of Use you may neither put Tarmogoyfs into play nor smash faces with them.

3. We are just crossing our fingers and hoping nobody realizes they can simply proxy Tarmogoyfs to avoid agreeing to the License Agreement.

April 24, 2008
LOOK AT THIS CREATURE

April 19, 2008
New DCI Promo Announcement: LOLSpellz

I would like to take this opportunity to announce a new promo Wizards of the Coast is offering to players who regularly attend Friday Night Magic and other Magic: the Gathering tournaments. The textless promos have been hugely popular, but unfortunately some players forget what a card does when it has no text printed on it. So we have made a comprimise: We will offer you a hint as to what the card does, but we won’t waste your time with the exact Oracle text.

Sound sketchy? A few years ago we had a mistake in the templating deparment and a card went out with very strangely templated text. The card? Nekrataal.

Since that time, our research has shown that, of all the cards we have printed, we get the fewest rules questions about Nektrataal. If we were to write a FAQ about Nekrataal, it would have one question on it: Does a Nekrataal can kill? Presumably players find this templating very easy to understand because its rules text hits the sweet spot between cumbersome accurracy and nonexistence. So we have replaced the textless cards promo with the new and improved LOLSPELLZ promo. Here’s what you can look forward to in the months to come:

April 17, 2008

Tag: skeletor

Players may have an out

Wizards prepared to sideboard