Tag: slearch

Hasbro Executive Points at Graph

As the latest rumour season heats up, details of a Conflux planning meeting involving a highly placed Hasbro executive are starting to come to light. According to an inside source, the meeting was brief and gave the dev team a very clear direction.

“The meeting started off very typically, with Randy and Mark trying to see who could blow spitballs through straws up their nose the farthest,” the source said, “but then one of the rarely-seen big bosses barged in and started yelling at us, talking about sagging profits and stuff.”

“He was quite fat,” the source added.

Those present were given more than a tounge-lashing, however. “He had this big graph of company revenue from like ’98 onwards. He pointed at a spike at September 2000 and said ‘Do you nerdy $#%!s see this? Just do whatever you did here’.” September 2000 is when Wizards of the Coast released the Invasion expansion.

“At first we were just going to reprint everything, even the cards we printed the first time just to hose Rebels and Port. We instead decided to split the cards up over two smaller expansions as this gave us more time to find names for the cards whose flavour didn’t make sense any more. I mean, can you believe that we haven’t had a card called ‘Goblin Outlander’ yet? Discoveries like these take time.”

Wizards to Release “From the Vault: Disenchants” in Time for Valentines Day

Hot on the heels of its wildly sucessful “From the Vault: Dragons” boxed set, Wizards of the Coast has announced “From the Vault: Disenchants”. This limited edition boxed set will feature 15 all-foil cards with the ability to destroy target artifact or enchantment. See the announcement page for more details.

Deck Validation Problems Continue to Plague MTGO

Many MTGO players attempting to enter Standard tournaments with completely legal decks this weekend were met with a “Deck Not Valid” message. After much speculation as to the cause, Wizards has released a statement on their MTGO messageboard claiming the problem has to do with basic lands.

“Right now we are having a server-side issue with Standard deck validation, specifically decks with basic lands in them. As of now, any deck containing basic lands is being rejected as invalid by the system,” the post by representative WotC_Mike read. “Devs are working on a fix, but players should know it’s not a huge priority for us. The format is still playable in its current state and honestly we have more pressing issues.” He went on to say it may take “a couple weeks or more” for the issue to be resolved.

This is the second time in as many months that MTGO has had deck validation problems. Last month some legal Prismatic decks were being rejected by the system as invalid due to a problem in dealing with split cards such as Fire/Ice. As of publishing this issue also remains unresolved

Casual Player Sick of Playing Against Elves

When asked about his Casual Extended Game message “No Elves, No Dragons; Only Discard, LD, Counters or other interesting decks pls”, Magic Online User darkraistlin13 was unrepentant.

“I just find it stupid and pointless to play against the same deck over and over again” he said. “Don’t these players have any sense of fun or originality? I play Magic for fun, and getting killed on the second turn every game before I’ve had a chance to use my Cancels and Stone Rains isn’t fun. I mean, who finds playing with Elves and Dragons enjoyable anyway?”

“It’s getting to the point where I will concede if my opponent plays a basic Forest on the first turn.”

Secret Magic Online Programming Credits List Found

As first reported by ModoSharks, the programming credits list is stored on every computer on which Magic Online is installed. For many, the contents of the list were mostly expected.

“I’ve suspected for a while that a motherfucker, a shithead, and a sonofabitch have had a hand in programming v3,” noted online magician Aziridine said. “It’s no surprise to me that cannabis was involved either.”

When asked if there were any surprises on the list, he responded affirmatively.

“Surprises? Yeah, there were a few,” Aziridine said. “For instance, I would have bet like 5tix that there would be at least one retard credited in there. Most shocking to me was that something as wonderful as boobies could have had anything to do with writing this program.”

“Planeswalker Deck” Tears Up States, Old-School Player Rolls Eyes

News of a new “Planeswalker Deck” similar to the one piloted by Themistoklis Panagiotaras to victory at Missouri Champs has changed the way many are thinking about the standard metagame. At least one player, however, is unimpressed.

Rick Dustington of Seattle, upon hearing news of this exciting new deck, visibly scoffed. “A what deck? Shit, in my day something like that wouldn’t have gotten past the second round. First of all no one played Plains. Sure, Islandwalkers were a good choice if they were efficient enough. But Plainswalkers? Sheesh.”

“And even if someone was dumb enough to play Plains, they had tons of ways to deal with Plainswalkers” he continued. “Heck, they had Wrath of God, Swords to Plowshares, and if things got really hairy, Great Wall. Players these days must be really unresourceful to let something like that get the better of them.”

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