The Selfish Elf 
Why Do These Things Always Happen to Me?
Brother, it has been one of those days. When I got up I realized I’d misplaced my blade of shadows. Then after I was already late getting out the portal, my chariot of damnation broke an axle on the way to work. I was going to take the public ferry, but the driver demanded exact change – as though anyone keeps pennies on them in this day and age. I resorted to flying under my own power, which is exhausting in the best of conditions, so the headwind didn’t help things any.
After I finally got there, my overseer really raked me over the coals. Then he made me haul in replacement coals because the furnace imp is on vacation. He also made it pretty clear I’d blown my shot at the Archfiend of Slavery position I had been gunning for for the last millennium. None of the scrying results I needed for my own project were in yet, and I had missed lunch in all that mess, so I decided to just knock off early.
The wind had made an about face in those few hours, but I still managed to stumble back to my lair a bit early. Of course this meant I was just in time to find my mutual-abuse partner whipping another man.
So now I’m here at the local den, wondering where I went wrong. I’m a huge, tenacious guy with a lot of mobility, and I’m willing to work cheap. But it just seems like no matter what I do or how hard I try, I just can’t win. I’ll tell you this much: this sort of crap never happens to my friend Angelo.
