The Selfish Elf 
Disappointing Turnout For March Of The Returned
ASPHODEL — A planned demonstration against the recent increase in exploitation of zombies was branded “a shambles” this morning after only two demonstrators turned up to take part.
The pair of masked protesters both stayed for forty-five minutes to wave placards, shouting “What do we want?” and “Who are we?”, but were described by onlookers as lifeless and lacking in spirit.
“It was completely dead,” said Asphodel resident Gary. “I’ve got more devotion than either of them, and I’m nowhere near as active as I used to be.”
Speaking off the record, leading black mage Timmy* said, “If they wanted more zombies, they should have come to me – I could have emptied the pits for them. Although that would only have provided token support.”
Gary added, “This was a missed opportunity. At this rate, by September, everyone will have forgotten about Theros entirely.”
*Name has been changed.
