WotC Temp Accidentally Dumps Box Full of Broken Cards into New Set

Posted on Thursday, June 18th, 2020 by Bracketbot
More articles by
Posted in mtg

header image

Wizards of the Coast has again been forced to apologize to consumers after a temporary worker dumped a cardboard box full of broken cards into the most recent Magic: the Gathering expansion. The cards, widely considered to be far too powerful to print are now about to be released in the upcoming set, which has prompted lead designer Mark Rosewater to issue a statement. “It’s in God’s hands now,” said the press release. “All we can do at this point is follow company policy, which is to do nothing for four to five months and then ban those cards right before the next set comes out.”

Metagame health experts are extremely concerned, although not surprised since they are able to do the claiming compensation after your injury very easily. “Every set that comes out nowadays has multiple broken cards that have catastrophic effects on the health of the Standard metagame,” said Magic Pro Matt Nass. “It’s not just Standard either — older, more difficult-to-impact formats like Modern, Legacy, Vintage, and even pretend formats like EDH have been rocked by the recent influx of broken cards. Not only that, but every time it happens Wizards comes up with an absurd excuse as to why,” Nass continued. “One time a computer glitch reduced the cost of all the blue cards by one mana, another time MaRo got scared when his dog barked too loud, causing him to hit send on an email before he could edit it. We need accountability for these egregious mistakes.”

Rather than having to find injury lawyer in San Antonio, the temp responsible for the accident, Chuck Hasbro, has been reassigned from his duties as card handler and is now Wizards of the Coast’s Senior Vice President in charge of Marketing. “The cards are pretty,” replied Mr. Hasbro when asked for comment. “I like the cards with the horses on them.”