Good Gamery

Author: basilisk

  • Wizards Announces Plan to Reprint Reserved List

    In an announcement that stunned players and collectors everywhere, Wizards of the Coast officially announced today that they will be reprinting the Reserved List. Previous policy at Wizards has been to never even consider reprinting the list, but Mark Rosewater explained that dwindling copies of the list has forced their hand. “There’s just not enough to go around. We need the list to be available both internally at Wizards and to players at eternal events for formats like Legacy and Vintage. The list has been especially important to collectors and we want to make sure future collectors will have full access to it.”



    The Reserved List.

    The Reserved List is a list of Magic: the Gathering cards that Wizards of the Coast has promised never to reprint. The list was revised in 2010, and so all extant copies are over a decade old. Players of formats like Legacy have become increasingly concerned as available copies become harder and harder to find, while prices for early editions are often far out of reach for new gamers looking to collect a piece of Magic history.

    The Wizards legal team almost never comments on matters like this, however I was granted limited access to the Pit of Eternal Torment at the company’s Renton, Washington headquarters to meet with company lawyers. “We do not anticipate any legal trouble as a result of reprinting the Reserved List, even at the quantities modern needs will force us to produce. The value of the list is actually quite low on the whole, so even collectors who currently own multiple full sets of the reserved list won’t stand to lose much money when we reprint it. And of course, there’s no secondary market concerns to speak of.”

    When I began to ask what he meant by this, he vanished into a cloud of sulfurous vapor and a horrible tittering laughter drove me back out into the energy-saving LED lights of the cafeteria.

    While plans have not been finalized, it’s likely that the entire list will be reprinted in black and white on standard 9×11 printer paper so that it can easily be added to trade binders and stapled to office documents as necessary.

  • So You’re an Elk Now

    In your past life, perhaps you were a powerful wizard, a complicated piece of machinery or an apple or something — it doesn’t matter. The point is you’re an elk now, and I, Oko, Thief of Crowns, Master of Deception, Shunner of Blouses am here to explain what you can expect from your new life.

    1) Poop wherever. I don’t know if you’ve ever seen an elk or a deer, but they’re constantly pooping and they’re doing it everywhere. Embrace the freedom to do your business wherever you like. Inside? Yes. Outside? Of course. All over the carefully arranged banquet I just set up? Yes, unfortunately there as well. I’m not sure why my powers are making food and creating animals that are constantly contaminating it. Life is full of mysteries.

    2) You’re massive! What size do you think an elk is? That’s like a big deer right? Maybe a 1/1 or a 2/1 or something? Wrong baby, you’re a 3/3! You’re the size of a mammoth or a small dragon. Knights: people with weapons and armor on the back of a large horse are no match for you. And if you run into something bigger than you? Don’t worry, that’s going to be an elk too soon enough.

    3) No clothes. I’m jealous! As you can probably tell from my spectacular abs, I’m no fan of society’s prudish conventions, and if I could, I’d probably go without these pants as well (not wearing pants makes it more difficult to find attendees to my feasts). You, on the other hand, are unfettered by civilization’s cruel obsession with fabric and you can let it all hang out. On the downside, I’m not going to hit on you anymore. Despite what you may have heard, I do not… fraternize… with my employees (that’s you).

    4) Stop eating all the food. You’re an elk, which means you can survive by eating moss and grass. I think that’s what you eat anyway. The food on the tables is off limits — that’s for the guests. Don’t worry, they’re getting turned into elks too so there’s no need to be jealous. I love making food even more than turning things into elks, which is why I’d appreciate it if you guys stop attacking the banquet as soon as I’ve left the room.

    In any case, I hope this was informative. I thought it would be necessary to write this primer, as I’ve turned most of the Kingdom into elk and most of you just stare at me blankly like I’m supposed to know what you do once you become one.

    LOVE
    Oko

  • Appropriate

  • Owl you can Eat

    You can’t lose if you keep gaining life.

  • Hushbringer

    ?

  • Squire

    #squire

  • Szadek, Lord of Secrets Dies in Azorius Custody of Apparent Suicide

    “Oh no! This is very unfortunate,” Grand Arbiter Dovin Baan said at a press conference following the news of Szadek’s death, “If only we could have uncovered Lord Szadek’s vast secret knowledge and the identities of his co-conspirators before he exiled himself with a giant beam of light, which is a suicide method very consistent with members of the Dimir Guild, of which I know nothing about.”

  • Planeswalkers Surprised by Evil Masterstroke

    RAVNICA – Yesterday, the dastardly Nicol Bolas finally unleashed the culmination of years of scheming, spanning multiple years, multiple planes, and multiple mediocre sealed formats.

    “It is known as The Elderspell,” Bolas announced triumphantly from atop his obsidian citadel. “I have wandered all the planes in search of the ultimate power. I have read all the forbidden scrolls. I have passed through the deepest fires of Urborg and the deepest pits of Rath. I have ventured into dark places where no mortal has dared to pass.”

    “I tap two swamps.”

    Reaction from the populace was mixed at best. “I don’t know what I expected, but it sure wasn’t a sideboard card,” one local guildmage told Good Gamery. “I dunno, I just didn’t expect the most powerful spell in the multiverse to be counterable by Spell Snare.”

    “Elder spell, phaw!” scoffed one elderly wizard. “It doesn’t even look that old. Newfangled frame, Beleren font… looks like some new world order nonsense to me. In my day, when we wanted to deal with walkers, we cast Great Wall.”

    Internet reviews were also mixed, with one zero star review noting “I expected more from the artist who brought us Cruel Ultimatum. SLAP IN THE FACE TO THE FANS.”

    When asked to comment, Bolas commented, “I don’t know what the big deal is, plenty of the most powerful spells in history cost 2 mana. You know, Time Walk, Balance… uh… Tallowisp.”

    Good Gamery reached out to Jace for comment, but he was in the graveyard.

    So what’s next for Bolas? “More research. I have heard tales of a powerful spell from the olden days that could stop any sort of Magic, and I must have it,” he said, fidgeting with two islands.

  • Ah, Shit, I Still Have a Column

    Hello and welcome to a column I completely forgot to write. I have a great preview card, I think, if this is a preview week. This week, I will be checking with my editor to find out if this is a preview week.

    Right now, it is Friday at noon, and I always take a half day on Friday, and I just found out that this isn’t a preview week. Fuck, fuck, fuck. I usually have those fake conversations, right? Do you still like that? Readers always liked those, I think.

    Me: I forgot to write a column.

    Editor: Mark, come on. We talked about this.

    Me: I know, I know, I know. Look, can we just skip this week?

    Editor: It’s started to feel like this happens every week. Look, Mark, I have a job to do too, okay? Just give me something.

    Me: Can I still talk about how I always reference Roseanne?

    Editor: you haven’t made an actual Roseanne reference in nine years.

    Me: and you’re sure this isn’t a preview week.

    Editor: the Weekly Standard never treated me like this.

    Okay. The new set just came out, so I’m just writing columns about that until I start preview cards for the next set. Remember the Ixalan weeks? Oh my god, I thought those would never end.

    Here’s an image of a card.

    Here’s text after a card, which makes the article seem longer.

    A design story: first, I’m going to ask my editor if I already told this design story in my article about the card from the last time we printed it.
    It seems I did tell that story.

    As long-time readers of mine know, a favorite story of mine to tell, is this one, about this card.

    [Rephrasing of previous story TK]

    Many people ask, “Mark, you love the color pie. How is making mana in black and red’s color pie?”

    The answer is that long ago, we decided that black and red could produce mana, if that mana came from a land that produced black and red, and only one at a time, unless it produces more than one at a time.

    Some trivia about the card: it was originally from Dissension.

    Next week, we start preview weeks for the next Ravnica set.

    Until then, Ravnica is a plane of contrasts.

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