Author: basilisk
-
Unstable Ford Expedition
Once you’ve accumulated 4 quest counters, click here.
-
The Kor Outfitters
Come, Adventurer! How fortunate you are, to be stumbling just now into Kor’s Outfitting Shop.
I can see you are on a quest for glorious fashion. Let us begin!
Here’s a rugged look that’s been sweeping the Octohedral Highlands.
This specimen is ready for any kitchen expedition with dual break-apart waffle irons, heat-resistant shoulder cladding, and genuine leather kitchen smock.
To give the look more authenticity, the Adventurer sports a fierce red wind-swept beard, looking much alike to a fresh peach coated in rusty colored moss.
With the struggles of adventuring weighing heavily on his shoulders like a thick blood-red cowl, this Wizard struts his stuff in front of the purple water veils of Magosi.
Sporting elaborate golden trim and an undercoat of carbon-fiber lattice, he hardly looks like the adventuring type until you notice the flourish of indigo-colored cutoff climbing gloves.
To top it all off, a wind-blown beard and tuft of wizened-white hair frame a world-traveled, grandfatherly face that any young adventureling would take advice from. His advice for today: Always dress well!
Vampire fashion is undoubtedly in this season. Starting with classic black skin-tight Under-Armor shirt and obsidian shoulder pads, the look is made unique by the addition of a hairnet speckled with rare turquoise beads, like fresh dew clinging to the darkened fields of Zendikar’s famous umber-grass. The net also keeps strands of undead hair from falling into your infernal pizza.
For accessories, look for a pair of patterned curtains to drape over your arms. These serve a dual purpose of cloaking your movements, and wiping your hands after doing the dishes.
In Zendikar’s vast woods it pays to be prepared for any type of circumstance. For this survivalist, day-to-day adventures means collecting every bit of rope, pulley, leather, or tree branch to fall in his path. The collection is held together with rugged straps of spun spidersilk, dyed brown with the mud of many expeditions.
Most important to the Survivalist is his “ally knapsack”, which holds the adventurer’s most prized collection – The tokenized memories of all of his adventuring friends. A hat leftover from the hookmaster who toppled off of the great Azure Hedron after their grappling hook accidentally cut through their own line. A left sock from an adventurer who tripped into the canyon of the Eldrazi Monument. A scrap of burnt parchment from the enterprising wizard who discovered that even the Misty Rainforests have volcanic activity in the form of giant balls of lava.
Here we see a majestic ensemble in red steel-grey. The billowing anarchy of the cloaks is a stark contrast to the rigid, mathematical arrangement of the shellwork armor.
Windswept beards again make a prominent showing, hardly suprising due to it being the primary beard style of this generation. Stately and carefree in one moment, companion adventurers are left speechless. You, too, would take a similar confident pose if you were to venture forth wearing this gear.
One of the more suprising discoveries in Zendikar, snakes have been found to cozy up alongside and inside of many of the things adventurers are seeking. Priceless artifacts, ancient treasure chests, precious minerals, and enchanted coat closets have all been affected.
A delightfully plush red rug is used to saunter across snake pits and other obstructions.
The stylish adventurer’s cap is something else altogether. If cobras ambush you while you’re trying to grab a mysterious brown paper bag, the gnome-crafted pointed top will dutifully shunt snakes away from your head, while the side flaps embroidered with autumn-inspired patterns will keep falling serpents from tickling your ears with their playful tongues.
The genuine elven-leather upturned collar protects the adventurer from the kisses of snake ladies who try to make a move on the first date, which is way too early, even for a snake lady.
There is nothing quite so jolly as an elven bard, swinging gracefully from tree to tree in his quest for the Gemfiddle. In this dangerous profession, losing your footing is tantamount to failure – which is why this Bard uses no less than 4 dozen shoelaces on each boot, knotted together in intricate patterns to thwart even the most mischievous tree branch.
Pulling together this whole look is the multiple leather cowl-capes, which protect the wearer’s back and neck from the incredibly sticky maple syrup local to the region.
This Trapmaker’s outfit displays many of the recent improvements in trap-making that were developed by the plane-famous Blue Shapes Laboratory.
A coat rack is mounted on the shoulders, ready to store any priceless capes or robes that are found on this Wizard’s en-clothed expedition.
A matador’s cape is held in one hand, and with a flourish it tricks a rolling boulder into striking the cloth, rather than the wielder. Black is the color that most enrages a stone.
“Be Prepared” is the Kor Scout motto, and here we have a shining example of preparedness. This adventurer supports the popular pure-white windblown hairstyle, sculpted into a twin monument of fuzz by a scrap of leftover map.
A vest of embossed grey leather armor speaks of a long and tiring journey across the cracked plains of Zendikar, on the path for more metal hoops with hooks on them.
Now here is a dedicated, well-trained, and well-equipped adventurer. You can tell by the lava-goggles and trap-bleached hair that this man has spent a good deal of time forging his skills in the Hedron Lava Tubes in search for gem blades and soul stairs. The hedron-shaped spikes on the right shoulder represent completed quests: Three is a very high number for an adventurer who is still alive.
Key adventuring gear in these locales include a chain that clips your sword to your back, just in case the strange gravity fields and spouts of blue roil decide to buffet your adventuring party while they cling to a giant coconut, held safe by only a single twisted line of spiderrope.
Dare ye live this lifestyle? You may want to take a second sword.
-
Ryusei, the Falling Star
Oracle Rulings
10/4/2004: It must flip like a coin and not like a Frisbee. -
Sorcerer Magazine, Issue #1
Welcome to the premier issue of Sorcerer Magazine — Dominaria’s only newspaper about Sorcerers, Sorcery, and Sorcerous happenings.
Sorcerers are very similar to Wizards, although they have much longer hair, and perfer Sorceries as their primary type of magical spell. They are also known for their sweeping robes and unending vanity.
In this first-of-its-kind issue, we sent one of our foremost investigative journalists to talk face-to-face with the various Sorcerers inhabiting downtown Alara. What he found out is so sorcerous that we were legally obligated to print it by the Sorcerer’s Guild! Let’s take a closer look at the day-to-day life of these strange creatures.
“Nyyaaa!
With this spell, I can destroy two ceiling lights at the same time. It’s all part of my plan to promote ground lighting, which accentuates my features in a way candelabras never could.”
“Wow, this book is great! Wait, don’t turn the page yet – I’m not done reading it.
Ok, now you can turn.”
“When I was younger, I fell down (while skateboarding, if you must know) into a pile of glowing blue gems.
Since that day, I have never needed to sleep with a nightlight. I consider this my most powerful ability.”
“Could we get a red spotlight on my bare chest, please? These arcs of electricity are making me look pale.”
“I have spent much of my life researching how to control the element of water — summoning it from thin air, making it fly twixt this place and that, bending the raw power of nature to my own will!
I no longer have need for dixie cups or water balloons.”
“Can someone help me out? I got my arms stuck in this thing while I was trying to change the batteries.”
“I’m tired of magazines
Sayin’ flat butts are the thing,Take the average elemental and ask him that
She gotta pack much tree”So, fellas! (Yeah!) Fellas! (Yeah!)
Has your girlfriend got the tree? (Hell yeah!)
Tell ’em to shake it! (Shake it!) Shake it! (Shake it!)
Shake those healthy leaves!
Baby got tree!
“Whenever my kids visit it’s only to get +1/+1 until the beginning of the end step.”
More in this issue:
- Sorceries vs. Instants: Why We Prefer Slower Spells
- What’s Going On With All These Prodigal Sorcerers?
- Sorceress of the Week
- Portal Three Kingdoms — The Last Great Sorcery Set?
- At-The-Scene: Reporter Slain by Stray Hyphenation
-
The Vampiric Tutor’s Academy of the Arts
“Welcome to my innermost library of secret scrolls – you’ve been such a studious pupil all along, and so full of life! Since we both already know you’re here to learn more about Magic, let’s cut right to it. Ah ah ah!”
1. Cast a creature spell in your first main phase to trick your opponent into thinking you had your combat phase already.
2. Whenever your opponent casts a spell, make sure to touch a couple of your lands and make like you’re about to say something, but don’t. What were you about to do? Your enemies will keep guessing, but ever wrongly!
3. When tapping for mana, put a couple extra in your mana pool. You will never know when you might need it later, and your opponent will forget about it until it’s too late.
4. Every cantrip in your deck is equivalent to a land, so you can swap them out one for one. Good examples include Bandage, Zap, and Aphotic Wisps.
5. Land Grant works best in decks where you are unlikely to get land in your opening hand (or hands where you have a Gemstone Caverns). Load up on both and forsake normal lands.
6. If you’re playing White and keep losing to decks that have creatures attacking you, pack your deck full of Circles of Protection. This quick cover will allow you to sit back and relax while your enemies ram their men into your Circles. Eventually, you’ll draw a big spell you can use to win against your opponent’s army.
7. Play as many colors as you can, to make sure you have a card for every situation that may crop up. You never know who is going to show up and challenge you to a duel, and as a bonus, playing lots of colors will keep Angry Mob from wrecking you.
8. If you’re dueling in a location with bright lights, make sure to use all foil lands from different sets and with different borders. Due to this shimmering distraction, your fellow wizards won’t be able to survey your available mana effectively. Since you’ll have tested your deck beforehand, you will be immune to its blinding effects.
9. Once you have a couple lands in play, keep a couple in your hand and bluff that you’re holding useful spells. Make sure to look at them sideways to make it more convincing, since the only reason someone would do that is if it’s a split card. Since a crafty black wizard might try to Mind Rot you, add a Library of Leng to your deck. This will keep them from seeing the cards in your hand.
10. You can cast Vampiric Tutor to search for, you guessed it — another Vampiric Tutor. This will put the mind-screws on an opponent while you rack up dozens of virtual cards in your virtual card advantage IRA.
“My most valuable student, it seems you’ve run out of life… you were so close to winning the next GP, too.”
At those words, your Vampiric Tutor changes into a bat and flies away as you crumple to the floor, a bloodless husk!
-
Oyakodon Tournament Report
Recently, my living situation has aligned itself in just such a way that I have developed an interest in cooking. I’m coasting along on what money remains until I return to America in a couple months, want to learn Japanese dishes while in the little time I have left, and want to supplement my newfound exercise habits with healthy meals.
I am a dude with a Jewish mom, so I have quite literally never had to fix anything more ambitious than a sandwich or an omelet. Cooking can be daunting at first! Luckily, most Japanese staples are incredibly simple to make, healthy, and cheap. Tonight, I made:
Oyakodon – steamed white rice, topped with chicken, egg and onions served in traditional Japanese dashi broth.
For the unfamiliar, donburi is a dish made from rice, broth or water mixed with soy sauce and rice vinegar, and various toppings. Donburi is as filling as it is delicious, and generally requires less than 30 minutes to prepare.
ROUGH LIST, SERVES 1
1 cup of Japanese white rice
1/2 onion
1.5 tbsp dark (regular) soy sauce
1 tbsp mirin (Japanese rice vinegar)
1/2 cup water
1 tbsp sugar
1 tsp dashi (powdered soup stock made from kelp and skipjack tuna, a fundamental ingredient for Japanese cooking, including miso soup)
~1/4 cup chicken thigh; enough for about 6 bite-sized chunks
1 egg
STRATEGY
RICE: Wash your rice a few times until the water isn’t cloudy, but don’t worry too much, as cloudier rice is just stickier rice.
Combine one and a bit cups of water for each cup of rice you make in a pot.
Cover the pot with a lid, and bring the rice to a boil on high heat.
Then, cook it on low for about 15-20 minutes, until the water is mostly gone.
Remove the pot from the fire, and let it steam with the lid on for another 10-15 minutes.Or, use a rice cooker. Seriously.
ONION: cut off the narrow ends of the onions. Place it flat on the cutting board, slice it in half, and remove the skin. Wrap one half in aluminum foil and put it back in the fridge, because you are poor. place the other half on its broad, flat side, and cut it widthwise into ~5mm strips.
CHICKEN: remove any bones and skin from your thigh meat, rinse it, and cut it into bite-size portions.
EGG: beat an egg.
BROTH: combine the dashi, soy sauce, water, rice vinegar, and sugar in a pan.
Mix the ingredients, cover the pan, bring the heat to medium, and leave the mixture for a minute or two.When the broth is hot and uniform, remove the lid and stir in the onion before replacing the lid again.
After another couple minutes, stir in the chicken and put the lid back on.
Wait a couple minutes to turn over the chicken, and when it’s cooked on both sides, stir in the egg; make sure it doesn’t stay together enough to form any large pieces.
Pour the mixture over your bowl of rice. Congratulations! Enjoy your delicious donburi with chopsticks and a spoon.
Without further ado, here is how the tournament went.
Round 1 opponent: WGr Beef Yakisoba
He opens with a pile of steaming broiled noodles topped with rare beef and oblique cut green onions. I lay an egg and pass the turn. He picks up his chopsticks and swings with a slice of beef and a hank of noodles, spraying beef juice over my board for -1/-1. I crack the egg and fetch a chicken equipped with makotobashi. I lay a scoop of white rice and top it with a drizzle of soy and vinegar. He draws 4 noodles in a row and scoops his lunch.
Second game much like the first, except now I’ve found my onions and my onions trample over his onions and take his beef.
1-0
Round 2: BW Futomaki
This is a variant on the popular Japanese deck substituting G avocado for R snapper. Basically he rolls over me as I try to find a protein source and fail.
1-1
Round 3: Texas Toast
I am quite surprised that this is still seeing play. I’m having trouble getting past the cheese and garlic but eventually rice proves a more stable mana base than rye. First game I lose horribly to garlic. Second game I side out onions and chicken and throw in 4x pickled egg and 3x wasabi. Even though he has slathered the red zone with butter and garlic cheese, the wasabi comes down hard and fast, and burns his sinuses right out. Game 3 I go rice, egg, 2x wasabi and he offers the handkerchief.
2-1
Round 4: E. Honda playing 5c Torinabe
This is Swiss final round and I’m tired, thirsty, and have a runny nose. E. Honda entered the tournament with a 2050 rating and 1 point shy of a 3-bye invite to GP Bangkok. He is piloting a new, unscouted version of his trademark midrange toolbox Nabe deck, and is an impeccably technically precise player despite his quirky tournament attire of bath towel and geta. He clomps over to the table, settles his 270 kg frame into the tiny folding chair, and smiles.
Game 1 saw me get a good start with Rice, egg, 2 chickens and a dash of vinegar. He seems to have trouble finding a black mana but manages a turn 3 norimaki and starts laying out some serious fat. I am pinging in the air thinking this will be a long but inevitable game. Then he sacs potato, norimaki, crab, tuna, and mushroom to get Mothra. I try to distract the giant with Wasabi but remember as Honda untaps that moths can’t smell.
Game 2 I side out 4x mirin and side in 4x Kirin.
We are both getting drunk but I am secretly taking pings from my own Wasabi and it keeps me alert enough to outmaneuver Honda, who is by this time sleepy drunk and has to get up to pee. He has taken 3x Kirin to the face and looks like he is about to pass out as the judges watch him lurch for the washroom. After several minutes he returns, red in the face and somewhat more alert. But it has cost him momentum and he fails to deal with 100 stings from wasabi + raw onion.
Game 3 I start out with Kirin. Rough on the stomach this early in the game, I am getting low on life and it seems he has developed a tolerance. I keep at it though, and finally he is so drunk he can’t remember whether he has untapped this turn and forgets a bunch of may effects during his upkeep. I go all-in with a sick chicken and he folds. Literally. His folding chair finally collapses, he goes down, tries to get back up, and is down for the count as the judges wander by to keep him from falling asleep in the aisle.
3-1
I gotta go pee so bad, I miss the final standings but hear later on I was just shy of top 8.
-
Veteran Magic Players Shocked at M10 Rules Changes
Last month, Wizards of the Coast announced a salient set of rules changes. Although many of these changes are superficial, one in particular is not; combat damage now uses the stack. While events like these can be expected to raise cries that Magic is dying among scrubs, even more cogent veterans expressed unhappiness at the change.
“The change removes decisions a lot of interesting decisions from the game,” commented one player. “Consider blocking Savannah Lions with a Sakura Tribe Elder. Under the old rules I had to make a choice between trading and getting a land, but now there will simply be only one correct play. I understand their desire to make the game more accessible to newer players by removing the unintuitive waterfall damage system but they’ve done it at the cost of dumbing down the game for competitive players.
“The changes don’t even make sense from a flavor perspective either,” he continued, “under the new rules if I triple block a Dauntless Escort with Scion of Oona the attacker can split the damage and kill all my guys. How does that even make sense at all? Is it that when the Scion dies his buddies are torn up about it and suddenly realize that their wounds are lethal? And how does Nantuko Husk fight some dude and then eat one of his buddies who was just fighting at the same time only his buddy still kills the dude he was fighting and husk survives? Two Ravenous Baloths engage in a fight to the death and then both commit ritual suicide in order to avoid dying normally? What?”
Although many competitive players believe that the changes give them fewer opportunities to outplay their opponents during the combat phase, others point out that these opportunities have just shifted from declaring the order of blockers to damage assignment.
“I’m really surprised that people are getting worked up about this, if you play with the new rules for a bit you’ll see that the changes are pretty minor and don’t come up very often,” said another player who acknowledged that he was going to miss windmill slamming his cards ‘onto the battlefield’.
-
Dominion Comix #14
Chancellor’s ability is secretly powerful. It helps you draw your new cards earlier, which can be a big advantage. If you can keep track of the cards you’ve discarded, it becomes even better.
Nevertheless, Chancellor seems to be overlooked in favor of flashier cards like Village and Silver.
Mouse over the image or click here to view it in full.
Here’s the actual Chancellor:
