Good Gamery

Author: paz

  • Cluestone Flavor Texts: Spoiled!

    Excited about the CLUESTONES?!

    Here at Good Gamery, we’re all giddy about the DRAGON’S MAZE CLUESTONES just revealed. Unfortunately, the Cluestone flavor texts have not yet been spoiled — until now!

    Wizards of the Coast has elected to provide Good Gamery with an EXCLUSIVE PEEK at the epic flavor texts on these format-destroying killer cards. Check ’em out, unless you’re a loser!


    Boros Cluestone

    “In case of fire, treachery, citywide riot, political upheaval, or worldwide societal collapse, break glass. If you do, 1 card will pop out.”

    – Cluestone inscription

    Dimir Cluestone

    It waits in the chill of the undercity, holding nameless secrets for those who dare to touch it. By nameless secrets, I mean 1 card.

    Golgari Cluestone

    Golgari mold collects whispers, intelligence that is later harvested by Jarad and his high chancellors, and then pressed and molded into 1 card.

    Gruul Cluestone

    Forgotten under rocks and vines, Gruul symbols mark the sites of primitive rituals where shamans once chanted to the wild and didn’t realize that the rituals were cantrips.

    Simic Cluestone

    Simic symbols are among the most intricate and fragile, yet few vandalize them for fear that 1 strange lifeform card might be drawn.

    Izzet Cluestone

    It holds within it an unsolvable riddle. A creative answer yields an invitation to the guild. The actual answer is, “1 card.”

    Hmm… not so unsolvable…

    Orzhov Cluestone

    A symbol of power and wealth, the only commodities that matter to the Orzhov other than cards by the 1.

    Rakdos Cluestone

    “Burn. Bleed. Draw 1 card. Enjoy.”

    – Cluestone inscription

    Selesnya Cluestone

    Break it if you must. The loss of one relic is nothing next to the value of enriching us all, and is precisely equal to the value of 1 card.”

    – Suniel the Woodwise

    Azorius Cluestone

    Its three sides represent the Sova, judges and arbitrators; the Jellen, scribes and elocutors; and the Lyev, lawmages and enforcers. Blah blah, here’s 1 card.


  • Pro MTG Online #253

    Pro MTG Online #253

  • Pro MTG Online #252

    Pro MTG Online #252

  • April Fool’s Day at Good Gamery

    By doing nothing.


  • Magic Online Issued Cease-and-Desist Order

    RENTON, WA — A scheduled Magic Online downtime went longer than expected Wednesday when Wizards of the Coast received a cease-and-desist order from Cockatrice, Ltd.

    “Although we have tolerated Magic Online for many years, on the advice of counsel, we can no longer allow this inferior product to dilute our brand and confuse our users,” said Cockatrice CEO Johan Johannsen in a prepared statement.

    Industry analysts pointed to Magic Online’s antiquated user interface, frequent bugs, and haphazard rules enforcement as possible reasons for the move.

    The backlash on Twitter and other social media was swift and hostile. “This sucks,” said Twitter user @bonergod69. “Now I guess I’ll have to play Magic for free.”

    MTGS users’ reactions were more guarded. “I knew this day would come,” said poster xXx_JaCeSePhIrOtH_xXx. “But I haven’t used MTGO since they got rid of the only good format–Extended 100-card Singleton with no counters and free mulligans.”

    “And Cockatrice lets us keep track of our Sheldon Points,” poster BEEBLEFAN_1488 added. “On Magic Online, how am I supposed to know how good I should feel about myself for making all these tokens?”

    Reached for comment, Wizards of the Coast spokesman Jacob van Lunen was confident that Magic Online would prevail.

    “The Magic Online experience is what keeps our users coming back,” said van Lunen. “On Cockatrice, what are you supposed to do? Remember whose creatures a Domri Rade emblem gives hexproof to? Or how Pillar of Flame works? Or where the teeth come from? The Magic Online engine keeps track of all these things for you, and so much more.”

    The legal action gave new life to the long-standing rumors that Wizards of the Coast was seeking to implement an in-person version of Magic Online using small pieces of cardboard. Sources at WotC, however, were quick to refute those rumors, pointing out that the cornerstones of the Magic experience — double-queueing, clock management, and derisive screenshots of opponents’ misplays — would translate poorly to the in-person format.



  • Carnival Hellsteed









  • Pro MTG Online #251

    Pro MTG Online #251

  • Player Calls Magic Cards Mere “Cardboard”

    BREMERTON, WA – The trading card game industry was reeling yesterday as Aaron Haylin, 17, of Bremerton rocked its foundations at what some are calling a “metaphysical” level.

    It all started at local shop Zeus’s Mjolnir Comics and Cards, as Haylin and fellow Magic: The Gathering enthusiast Brenden Thelsby tussled over a potential transaction.

    “He wanted my Hallowed Fountain but I didn’t really want anything in his binder,” Thelsby said. “So I said to him, ‘I’ll just sell it to you for 20 bucks?’ That’s when it happened.”

    According to Thelsby and other sources, Haylin then said, “Are you kidding? I’m not paying 20 bucks for what really is nothing more than a piece of cardboard.”

    The statement sent ripples of realization through the surrounding Magic: The Gathering players and collectors. They tossed their decks into the air and pulled their cards out of their binders, flinging them to the floor and spitting upon them. What previously they cherished, they were now tearing up, cutting up, and punching holes through.

    We caught up with Haylin and he confirmed what had happened.

    “It’s no big deal,” Haylin said. “The event surprised me no more than any other event. After all, events are just ‘stuff happening,’ so a particular event is really the same as any other.”

    When asked if this worldview extended to anything else in Haylin’s life, he began an enthusiastic monologue. “Oh my, yes,” he said. “The other day my buddy Mike said he was ‘excited’ about a new X360 video game. But what is an X360 video game but silvery metal and plastic formed into a disc? I can get those component parts for pennies; that idiot is ready and willing to shell out $60!”

    “Speaking of $60, that’s also pretty substanceless,” Haylin continued, pulling various monies from his wallet. “Look at this stuff,” he said, waving bills around. “What is this, anyway? It’s, like, just paper,” he added, before tearing his money into confetti and throwing it to the ground in audible disgust.

    “I almost hesitate to call Mike a ‘friend,’” admitted Haylin. “I mean, what more is he than a collection of cells which, in turn, are just collections of various molecules? I might as well call the graphite in my pencil a ‘friend,’ since that’s carbon-based, too.”

    “Some say my outlook is bizarre,” Haylin concluded, “But I think it’s pretty radical.”



  • ‘Star Wars’ Concedes Franchise War

    After 35 years locked in heated battle, the Star Trek franchise today declared its official victory over the Star Wars franchise. “After today, no one can say with a straight face, ‘Star Wars, as a franchise, is better than Star Trek,’” Star Trek said, nodding solemnly.

    Star Trek then burst out laughing, demonstrating the literal veracity of the statement he just made.

    The declaration of victory comes on the heels of the release of Kinect Star Wars yesterday, in which the following occurs:


    “It’s bad enough that the Star Wars franchise thought it appropriate to make Han Solo dance and sing poorly-written, auto-tuned lyrics,” Star Trek explained. “But look! He’s singing about escaping the carbonite at Jabba’s palace… while at the carbonite freezing chamber! PLOT HOLE!” Star Trek then snorted, before pushing his taped-together nerd glasses up on his nose.

    Star Wars gave a short concession statement last night from his home at Skywalker Ranch, surrounded by friends and family.

    “Before, we were able to go back and forth pretty evenly,” Star Wars recollected fondly. “I had the prequels, Trek had Enterprise. I had Jar Jar, Trek had DS9’s embarassing parallel universe. I had George Lucas, Trek had Brannon Braga. I had that Christmas special, Trek had Nemesis.”

    “But nothing Star Trek has done or ever will do can compare to this,” Star Wars admitted, accepting a tissue offered by a nearby Ewok. “I really dropped the ball. I let everyone down. I’m so, so sorry.”



  • April Fool’s Day at Good Gamery

    By doing nothing.