Alright, let me set this straight: I am not Garruk’s “companion”. So please, stop calling me that. I am tired of people calling me that with an amused smile on their lips like they want to imply something. Yeah, yeah, I am well aware that a man – planeswalker or no – who spends all of his time in the woods still has “guy needs”, but I’m telling you, I don’t have anything to do with that. That’s not the way I roll.
So yeah, like your mother and sister said, I’m a beast. As a beast, I can do lots of things for you on the battlefield. So, play with me. I mean, CAST me, goddammit. Not play PLAY, you know? *Sigh*. You are all perverts. Just… just have me enter the battlefield, alright? On turn two seems fine, but any other turn is good also if you’re afraid of Mana Leak or something. Hey, I can gladly run over some puny dudes for you, if that’s what you want… Wait. That’s not what I mean! Well, actually it is, but your sick little mind is twisting my words! I mean to say that I have Trample, nothing more!! I don’t… repeatedly… with my antlers…By Emeria, no!! My antlers are brown just like tree bark is brown, and there’s no other reason to it! What the hell is wrong with you people!?
(Garruk’s Companion *snicker* has left the building.)
Garruk Wildspeaker could not be reached for comment as he was allegedly “hunting” on Lorwyn at the time.