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  • New Set Continues Alarming Rare Trend

    Early reports from Zendikar PTQs confirm analysts’ worst fears that rares are now more important than ever for sealed deck play.

    Rares, or “sick variance” as they are sometimes called, appear less frequently in packs compared to other cards. Additionally, there are mythic rares that appear less frequently than other rares.

    “I mean, it’s just a bomb-heavy format,” local player Matt Kim said. Matt has been playing since Prophecy and has noticed a trend towards more powerful rares that have fewer effective counters.

    “They have this one card, it lets you set your life to 20. EVERY TURN. And it’s an artifact too, I can’t play a bunch of shatters maindeck.”

    Meanwhile, the spells to stop those threats have not scaled accordingly.

    “They started the burn out at three damage, and over 15 years later now they only do four damage, and for way too much mana.”

    Matt finished with a 4-3 record at his PTQ, in 35th in the standings. He attributed his losses to “too many bombs”.

    “I’m amazed I won even as much as I did,” Matt said. “It’s lucky I notice the synergy between Ob Nixilis, the Fallen and Emeria Angel.”

    Even players that had done well agreed with Matt’s sentiment. Derrick Scordia advanced to the top 8 playoffs before losing, but still griped about the epidemic.

    “With these rares, any old player can win. Before you needed skill, now they just pass out golden tickets in these packs,” said Derrick.

    “It’s like, no one plays this game to get randomly rewarded. If that’s what I wanted I’d just play poker.”

    Also like Matt, Derrick had a complaint about a particular card, in this case the green rare Predatory Urge.

    “Like this card. It’s soooo broken,” Derrick said as he held it up. “Before they would never have made a card this card.

    Asked if he was aware of Contested Cliffs, a functionally similar card from Onslaught, Derrick replied, “I don’t play EDH”.

    Developers from Wizards of the Coast were unavailable for comment, but did issue a terse prepared statement regarding the situation.

    “You people are vultures. If you must open your mouths, at least fill them with Jones Soda, now available in five Magical flavors.”

  • Unstable Ford Expedition

    Unstable Ford Expedition

    Once you’ve accumulated 4 quest counters, click here.

  • My Zendikar Midnight Draft of the Damned

    A strange thing happened at the Zendikar prerelease’s midnight draft.

    It wasn’t my winning streak that was strange. I had been passed bomb after bomb, loading my deck with Celestial Mantle, Eternity Vessel and Grappling Hook for good measure. The monstrosity I concocted was a mono-Kor deck that played Steppe Lynxes, Kor Duelists, Explorer’s Scopes and Adventuring Gears. I was unstoppable. And what’s more, my store was running a very special promotion: the winner of the midnight draft would receive a priceless treasure.

    The treasure was hanging above the counter for all to see — it was the Candelabra of Tawnos that Monty, the store owner, had called me up in the middle of the night over. He had ripped it from a Zendikar booster long before the internet considered the Priceless Treasures scheme kosher, and gibbered excitedly that he would use it to lure the most ferocious drafters from around the world into his very own shop. That had to be good for business.

    So what had gone wrong? Somehow, all the good cards had fallen into my lap, and I had already ploughed through the likes of Budde, Maher, and Finkel (Could they really not afford their own Candelabras? Or was something more going on here?). The bell tower that Monty’s store was built under chimed six, and the huddled gamers turned in unison to see the sun begin to filter in through the windows.

    “We cannot linger here long,” Monty hissed, his prominent canines edging out over his lower lip as he spoke. “The time has come, brethren, for the final round. Only two warriors are so far undefeated in their quests. Before the sun is up, one of them will be crowned the Master of the Night!”

    The cheer that went up was shrill, and urgent, and somewhat unsettling. I caught the eye of my friend Jack and smiled nervously, but he only fixed me with an inhuman, steely stare and nodded slowly. I began the walk to the top table, alone.

    As I passed between groups of players speaking in hushed tones, I saw those gamers that had been left by the wayside during the tournament. One was nursing a chest wound, desperately attempting to stem the flow of blood with a Welkin Tern. Another appeared to be intently manipulating a deck, but as I grew closer I saw that he was playing with a pile of ashes that had presumably once been an ill-advised three-colour sealed construction. As I drew nearer to the final table, one gamer fell to his knees in front of me, clawing at the hem of my jeans. “Don’t go on,” he implored, and I could see the tears streaming from his eyes. I tried to smile nonchalantly as I brushed on past.

    I took a seat between the expectant onlookers, their bodies pressing in on mine with a tangible hunger. My opponent was late — “Perhaps a bye,” I joked quietly — so I took the opportunity to peek at the results slip and check his name. It read, however, only a string of X’s; the DCI number was given as three question marks. A glitch in printing the slip, I decided. Although no one had spoken, a bearded man across the table from me chuckled loudly.

    After thirty seconds of uncomfortable silence, the crowd began to part and my opponent drew into sight. His hair was white as snow, and he wore a flowing robe that looked far too elegant for an eBayed costume. His skin was deathly pale, but his eyes were hard and shining, and, if you looked at them too long, appeared to be ringed in red. Needless to say, I did not recognise him from the drafting table, but did not trust myself to speak up against him. He smiled broadly, relaxedly, as he sat down, but there was nothing inviting about the smile; it reminded me more of a predator’s smile, perhaps that of a Ravenous Baloth. He extended a hand to shake, and I took it gladly, but came away with tiny pinpricks of blood welling up on my palm where his nails had touched my skin. Wiping the hand on my hoodie, I began to shuffle.

    “This match will consist of one game.” Monty was behind me now, and he seemed to speak more to me than to the crowd. “There are no rules. Your goal is to survive. Good luck.”

    He gripped my shoulder, as a delinquent child might grip an unwitting pet before sending it on a dangerous voyage into a river. I turned around to thank him, but when I looked he had vanished behind the wall of the crowd. I turned back to my opponent to see that he had patiently placed his deck in front of me, in plain black sleeves that seemed to divert light from their surroundings. “Cut,” he said, in a thick accent that I did not recognise, but was clearly unaccustomed to pronouncing English syllables. I obliged.

    I remember the match clearly; I have played it over in my head dozens of times after the event. My opponent won the die roll with an oddly shaped, bone-textured die he himself supplied, and plaid a Magosi, the Waterveil (6CIH). This struck me as odd — my previous opponents would surely have played Islands over such jank — and it instilled me with some of the confidence of which my opponent’s dramatic entrance had robbed me. I played a Plains and an Adventuring Gear and passed the turn back. My opponent, his smile widening but his eyes still deathly focused, played a Forest and a Khalni Heart Expedition (5CIH) and passed.

    He had still given me no reason to be afraid. I played another land, and a Kor Duelist hit the table before being suited up. My opponent’s next turn consisted of playing another Forest and a Greenweaver Druid (4CIH); evidently he was playing some kind of ramp deck. I pondered on how he could have got this far undefeated. Fearing a Harrow into Terra Stomper or similar, I played a land and a Kor Hookmaster to tap down the Druid, then attacked for 6. The game appeared to be in the books. My opponent, utterly unfazed, played a foil Lotus Cobra (without even pausing to comment on the fact that he had opened the set’s most expensive card), then played a fourth land (3CIH) and used the Cobra mana to put an eon counter on his Waterveil. I marvelled; how could anyone offer their opponent a Time Walk when they were so far behind on board position? The turn was passed with nothing more cast, so I gladly untapped and attacked — I made some offhand comment about missing my land drop, but he only continued to stare at me with the same single-mindedness that Jack had earlier. I brought his life down to 10, then played Bold Defense the next turn to deal another 7 damage. Maybe I didn’t need that land drop after all. I passed the turn to my opponent, who was on 3 life; even if he could ramp into double Terra Stomper with his turns, I had Nimbus Wings waiting. He untapped.

    “A fine display of dust, if such were your intention.”

    My opponent delivered the line with almost scripted calm, and I flinched visibly at the rebuttal. There was something absurd about it, but I intuited that my situation was far from comical. I looked around myself, appealing to the onlookers for some recognition of my success, but all eyes were on my opponent. Grimly, I turned to face him.

    A Scalding Tarn entered and left the battlefield (2M, 3CIH), bringing my opponent down to 2 life. He tapped his four non-Waterveil lands and broke open the Expedition to find two more forests (8M, 3CIH). This was followed by — as I’d dreaded — a Harrow, trading an Island for two more Forests (9M, 2CIH). What came next, however, I could never had predicted: the revitalized Druid was tapped and my opponent announced a Sphinx of Lost Truths with kicker (4M, 4CIH). The crowd applauded, but I found I could not appreciate the play with them; I was gripped by an inexplicable fear for my very life. My opponent played a Khalni Gem and tapped it to pay for a Pyromancer Ascension (2,2CIH). Then, finally, terribly, he activated Magosi (3,2CIH) and began again.

    For his next turn my opponent did not waste any time. He tapped his five Forests and played another Harrow for two more (6M, 3,2CIH). Then, incredibly, he cast a third harrow for a final pair of forests (7M, 3,1CIH) and tapped his Druid to play – brace yourself, reader – a Rite of Replication with kicker (3,0CIH). It slowly dawned on me that by playing three Harrow my opponent had activated his Pyromancer Ascension, and so had two copies of the Rite to play with. Some of the onlookers jumped out of their seats at this, yowling their delight, but not one of them seemed in the least surprised; nor did anyone congratulate my opponent personally.

    The sun was nearly up, and if at this point I had wanted to concede I would have been unable to leave the table due to the throng of gamers pressing in on me, desperate to see their champion complete his game. The targets were Sphinx of Lost Truths and Greenweaver Druid. My opponent drew 15 cards – all but the last card of his library, I noted ominously – and then discarded 15, and to my shock I saw that in addition to the three lands that had been in his hand there were 12 copies of Mindless Null in the graveyard (3CIH). The cheers of the crowd grew in pitch and fervor, almost a song, a base, tribal chant. Khalni Gem was tapped and a Goblin Bushwhacker with kicker entered the battlefield, giving haste to the five Greenweaver Druids, every one of which was tapped (10M, 2CIH). My opponent revealed that one of the cards in his hands was a Primal Bellow, which targeted the Cobra and Goblin, giving each one +7/+7; the other, awfully, was Gigantiform. (0M, 0CIH). It came down enchanting the Cobra, and my opponent gleefully flipped over the last card of his library as a second copy to enchant the Goblin. He cracked his knuckles before announcing his attack with six different 4/5 flying Sphinxes and two 16/15 tramplers (curse you, power-toughness sublayers!).

    Exhausted, I extended my hand to my opponent, and finally, his grin drew back, and he lunged at my exposed arm and sunk his teeth into my wrist. The crowd rose to a fever pitch, but my hearing began to fade as my opponent drank his fill. The last thing I heard was Monty’s dim shout that the sun had risen; after that I knew only darkness.

    I awoke as a Child of the Night, petty trifles such as Candelabras of Tawnos no longer my concerns. I am no longer the hunted, but a hunter, fast and strong. And now, at last, I understand the glory of the man who defeated me, the Slaver, the Myth. Every night I sing his praises to the moon in the hope that one day he will return to bless me with his blood.

    Maybe then, I can challenge him to a rematch.

    In case you were wondering, the deck was:



    40 cards – almost a believable deck. Try it out!

  • The Kor Outfitters

    Come, Adventurer! How fortunate you are, to be stumbling just now into Kor’s Outfitting Shop.

    I can see you are on a quest for glorious fashion. Let us begin!


    Here’s a rugged look that’s been sweeping the Octohedral Highlands.

    This specimen is ready for any kitchen expedition with dual break-apart waffle irons, heat-resistant shoulder cladding, and genuine leather kitchen smock.

    To give the look more authenticity, the Adventurer sports a fierce red wind-swept beard, looking much alike to a fresh peach coated in rusty colored moss.


    With the struggles of adventuring weighing heavily on his shoulders like a thick blood-red cowl, this Wizard struts his stuff in front of the purple water veils of Magosi.

    Sporting elaborate golden trim and an undercoat of carbon-fiber lattice, he hardly looks like the adventuring type until you notice the flourish of indigo-colored cutoff climbing gloves.

    To top it all off, a wind-blown beard and tuft of wizened-white hair frame a world-traveled, grandfatherly face that any young adventureling would take advice from. His advice for today: Always dress well!


    Vampire fashion is undoubtedly in this season. Starting with classic black skin-tight Under-Armor shirt and obsidian shoulder pads, the look is made unique by the addition of a hairnet speckled with rare turquoise beads, like fresh dew clinging to the darkened fields of Zendikar’s famous umber-grass. The net also keeps strands of undead hair from falling into your infernal pizza.

    For accessories, look for a pair of patterned curtains to drape over your arms. These serve a dual purpose of cloaking your movements, and wiping your hands after doing the dishes.


    In Zendikar’s vast woods it pays to be prepared for any type of circumstance. For this survivalist, day-to-day adventures means collecting every bit of rope, pulley, leather, or tree branch to fall in his path. The collection is held together with rugged straps of spun spidersilk, dyed brown with the mud of many expeditions.

    Most important to the Survivalist is his “ally knapsack”, which holds the adventurer’s most prized collection – The tokenized memories of all of his adventuring friends. A hat leftover from the hookmaster who toppled off of the great Azure Hedron after their grappling hook accidentally cut through their own line. A left sock from an adventurer who tripped into the canyon of the Eldrazi Monument. A scrap of burnt parchment from the enterprising wizard who discovered that even the Misty Rainforests have volcanic activity in the form of giant balls of lava.


    Here we see a majestic ensemble in red steel-grey. The billowing anarchy of the cloaks is a stark contrast to the rigid, mathematical arrangement of the shellwork armor.

    Windswept beards again make a prominent showing, hardly suprising due to it being the primary beard style of this generation. Stately and carefree in one moment, companion adventurers are left speechless. You, too, would take a similar confident pose if you were to venture forth wearing this gear.


    One of the more suprising discoveries in Zendikar, snakes have been found to cozy up alongside and inside of many of the things adventurers are seeking. Priceless artifacts, ancient treasure chests, precious minerals, and enchanted coat closets have all been affected.

    A delightfully plush red rug is used to saunter across snake pits and other obstructions.

    The stylish adventurer’s cap is something else altogether. If cobras ambush you while you’re trying to grab a mysterious brown paper bag, the gnome-crafted pointed top will dutifully shunt snakes away from your head, while the side flaps embroidered with autumn-inspired patterns will keep falling serpents from tickling your ears with their playful tongues.

    The genuine elven-leather upturned collar protects the adventurer from the kisses of snake ladies who try to make a move on the first date, which is way too early, even for a snake lady.


    There is nothing quite so jolly as an elven bard, swinging gracefully from tree to tree in his quest for the Gemfiddle. In this dangerous profession, losing your footing is tantamount to failure – which is why this Bard uses no less than 4 dozen shoelaces on each boot, knotted together in intricate patterns to thwart even the most mischievous tree branch.

    Pulling together this whole look is the multiple leather cowl-capes, which protect the wearer’s back and neck from the incredibly sticky maple syrup local to the region.


    This Trapmaker’s outfit displays many of the recent improvements in trap-making that were developed by the plane-famous Blue Shapes Laboratory.

    A coat rack is mounted on the shoulders, ready to store any priceless capes or robes that are found on this Wizard’s en-clothed expedition.

    A matador’s cape is held in one hand, and with a flourish it tricks a rolling boulder into striking the cloth, rather than the wielder. Black is the color that most enrages a stone.


    “Be Prepared” is the Kor Scout motto, and here we have a shining example of preparedness. This adventurer supports the popular pure-white windblown hairstyle, sculpted into a twin monument of fuzz by a scrap of leftover map.

    A vest of embossed grey leather armor speaks of a long and tiring journey across the cracked plains of Zendikar, on the path for more metal hoops with hooks on them.


    Now here is a dedicated, well-trained, and well-equipped adventurer. You can tell by the lava-goggles and trap-bleached hair that this man has spent a good deal of time forging his skills in the Hedron Lava Tubes in search for gem blades and soul stairs. The hedron-shaped spikes on the right shoulder represent completed quests: Three is a very high number for an adventurer who is still alive.

    Key adventuring gear in these locales include a chain that clips your sword to your back, just in case the strange gravity fields and spouts of blue roil decide to buffet your adventuring party while they cling to a giant coconut, held safe by only a single twisted line of spiderrope.

    Dare ye live this lifestyle? You may want to take a second sword.

  • Nations Agree to Mill the World’s Bombs

    In an act that has excited citizens and civil authorities around the world, the G-20 and the United Nations have simultaneously voted on a mutually binding resolution to mill the world’s bombs. These bombs, rather than being dropped or mailed or windmill slammed, will be ground into a fine powder that will be used in high-school science labs, novelty moustache-drawing devices and nutritional supplements for impoverished, iron-deficient children in the developing world.

    “This is a proud moment for all us,” said U.N. Secretary General That Korean Guy Whose Name Nobody Knows. “To see these bombs put in a place where they can’t hurt anyone anymore – you have to admit; that’s a pretty great feeling.”

    The milling condition goes into effect in 2015, and, at the behest of the permanent members of the security council, does not effect bombs that have already been produced, bombs currently in production, or any bombs designed and manufactured before the ban takes effect.

    “This is an empty piece of self-congratulation that doesn’t affect the board,” said Netherlands U.N. delegate Franz Blarsten. “Unless it is changed to mill all the weapons in the world – starting immediately, and completing within the year – it will not affect the ability of the nations of the world to make war, either against each other or against their own citizens.” During Blarsten’s remarks, the lights were turned out, and all the other delegates went for sandwiches.

    Libyan Leader Mu’ammar Al-Qadhafi was slated to speak in the opposition, but he instead launched into a 94-minute rant about the shuffler.

  • Good Gamery Zendikar Release Contest

    lol


    Deadly perils, priceless treasures, floating coconuts!

    The new Magic: The Gathering set, Zendikar, is pouring one out for its homies . . . and for High Adventure!!

    lol


    Contest

    To start an adventure of our own, we are holding a contest. Every Officially Acknowledged Content you create and submit between now and the end of OCTOBER is automatically entered, and every participant is eligible to receive prizes. At the end of OCTOBER, everyone on the GoodGamery.com forums will vote for their four favorite contributors, whether they contributed fake cards, funny articles, or even set reviews and tournament reports. Once a top four is decided, there will be a runoff to determine which of the four top contributors gets the top prizes.

    Prizes

    • 1st place: 18 Zendikar boosters
    • 2nd place: 9 Zendikar boosters
    • 3rd place: 6 Zendikar boosters
    • 4th place: 3 Zendikar boosters

    Priceless Prizes for Participation (P3)

    In addition to this, every participant who creates at least one piece of Officially Acknowledged Content will receive Legendary, Priceless Hidden Treasures! These may or may not be 2 packs of random sets from Magic’s mysterious history, and they may or may not be available while supplies last. The Peril!

    How do I submit an entry?

    Please take a look at these instructions.

    Tips

    Here is a link to the Zendikar Visual Spoiler, which will aid you in your quest to create Officially Acknowledged Content. It has all the Equipment you’ll need to complete your quest (plus Lands, Creatures, Enchantments, Instants, Sorceries, etc. etc.).

    Your adventure begins now! The Zendikards await!

  • NJ’s Zendikar Capsule Review

    NicotineJones applies his prophetic foresight to all sorts of Zendikards! Heed his words, or as Wisdom herself would say: “Because you have ignored all my counsel and would have none of my reproof, I also will laugh at your calamity; I will mock when terror strikes you, when terror strikes you like a storm and your calamity comes like a whirlwind.”



    NJ’s Capsule Review of Zendikar is located here.