Eldrazi Drone is Lonely

Posted on Thursday, March 11th, 2010 by paz
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Posted in mtg, Rise of the Eldrazi Alliance

This article is part of the Rise of the Eldrazi Alliance. Wizards of the Coast is working with Good Gamery, among other fan web sites, to help drum up excitement for the upcoming set. Watch for new ROE-related articles and ‘chops, and check back on midnight this Sunday night (March 14/15 midnight) for 6 ROE card spoilers.

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“Why doesn’t anyone ever want to hang out with me??” thought an Eldrazi Drone yesterday as it hovered through a canyon. Its many hideous appendages undulated in frustration while it emitted a loathsome, perpetual moan.

“Seriously, what’s everyone’s problem…?” it continued.

As it pondered, its cleaved neural stalk writhed and pulsed sickeningly.

“Sure, I may not be the best looking guy abiding in the unfathomable depths between planes,” it reasoned, “but I was always taught that it’s what’s on the inside that counts.” The astral being’s innards then audibly bubbled with chaos and madness, channeling foul energies into its twisted cranial folds.

The other day, the Drone asked its coworker Keith if he had any weekend plans. Keith initially said no.

“But then when I asked him if he wanted to hang out, he suddenly ‘remembered’ that he was busy,” the Drone contemplated.

Its love life hasn’t fared well, either.

“That blind date last weekend? She took one look at me and literally went blind,” it remembered. “She evidently wasn’t one to appreciate my many-jointed protuberances or my vast array of spines, hooks and knobs.”

A horrifying, extradimensional scream echoed throughout the canyon as the monstrosity’s projections tore at the fabric of reality.

“I mean, what the hell!? I have a soul, for Pete’s sake!” it strongly conveyed. The Drone, in fact, has countless souls, harvested from the bloodied corpses of a thousand battles via its four ectohesive tentacloid conduits.

The Drone’s thoughts telepathically liquefied all nearby, save for a bespectacled wanderer with a stocking cap and cane.