Local Woman Demands to Speak with Creature’s Controller

Posted on Wednesday, July 15th, 2020 by Bracketbot
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Local real estate agent and part time Magic: the Gathering player Abby Akerman has found herself at the center of controversy following a game of Magic where she demanded to speak with the controller of a Mogg Fanatic that had been attacking her for 7 straight turns. “This is unacceptable!” Hollered Akerman at the thin rectangle of cardboard. “If you keep it up, I’m going to have to ask to speak to your supervisor, and believe me, I don’t think he’s going to like what I have to say!”

The creature’s controller in this instance was Bobby Teller, 8, child of Akerman’s longtime friend Sandra Teller. “My dad made me this deck because I like goblins,” said young Bobby, pointing at the deck he used to defeat Akerman, 44. “You play the little goblins because they’re friends with the big ones and then you play the big ones and they hit WAY harder,” said Bobby, motioning to the unsleeved Orgg sitting on the tabletop. “Dad says that one isn’t a goblin but I think it is.”


Abby faces Bobby.

Onlookers report that tensions began escalating as Abby was having difficulty setting up her Enduring Renewal/Ornithopter/Phyrexian Altar/Clockspinning/Darksteel Reactor combo. “Honey, maybe it’s time we started thinking about calling it an evening,” Akerman’s husband interjected, trying to defuse the increasingly tense situation. “No Bryce! Do you think Carpenter or Rayleighota want to see their mother lose to a one drop? I think once this guy’s boss gets wind of this, he’ll find out pretty quickly how easy it is to get rid of him,” responded Abby, gesturing to the Mogg Fanatic’s text box.

Unfortunately for Mrs. Akerman, the comeback she was hoping for never happened. Mogg Fanatic was joined by Nosy Goblin and an Ironclaw Orcs, and the game ended soon afterwards. “The wine here sucks anyway,” the despondent 44 year old griped. “Bryce, go bring the Aztek around. I’m done here.” For Bobby Teller, his victory did not seem to be very noteworthy. “I guess it was pretty fun but I didn’t get to play my favorite card, the biggest goblin there is!” Bobby said exuberantly, holding up an edge-worn Loamdragger Giant.