The Chicago Police Department wishes to warn citizens of the windy city about an emerging and disturbing new trend: illegal Magic gambling.
While it looked rather harmless when it got started some two years ago, Magic gambling
quickly gained popularity among the impressionable young men and women of the
community. This, in time, caught the eyes of the crimes bosses and of those of an
unscrupulous nature; it wasn’t long before they found a way to profit from it.
“Now, we’ve got organized crime setting up illegal FNM circles throughout the city –
and even beyond,” explains Sergeant Wooley from Chicago’s finest. “These unsanctioned
events usually take place at night in abandoned warehouses and desert offices where
police and DCI activity is minimal, and are overviewed by very dangerous people.”
According to sergeant Wooley, attendants to these events can bet on the outcome of
Magic: The Gathering single matches, while participants can purchase highly-sought
mythic rare cards for exorbitant prices. Apparently, there’s always a shylock on location
to help desperate players with card acquisition or aggressive debt repayment plans.
Yet, despite (or because of) the shady circumstances surrounding these gatherings, many
Magic players feel attracted to those events. The generous rewards and monetary gains
attendants can generate certainly don’t hurt.
“You get a foil card just for attending, or pretty much,” said one player who wishes to
remain anonymous. “It’s shiny and stuff. It’s cool. Hell, it’s cooler than cool,” he added,
all smiles. Another player could barely contain pissing his pants as he presented his ill-
gotten gains: a foil, FNM watermarked Krosan Grip card. “It’s worth a good 2-3 dollars in a few stores around town,” he said, wide-eyed. Alas, these events being unsanctioned by the DCI, the foil cards handed out to the winners have sometimes been stolen. However, most are well-manufactured fakes barely worth the price of the cardboard they are made of.
Degenerate gamblers who have come to gamble on pretty much everything, from the next
day’s weather to the size of fly poop, are drawn to the events for different reasons. To
them, Magic is just another game of chance they can manipulate, another opportunity to
get even or “settle the score” easily.
“Dog fighting is so passé,” said one such gambler, “because you have no control over
the dogs. In Magic: the Gathering, every gambler worth his salt knows that Megrim
trumps all, for instance, and the odds of someone playing that card in his deck makes
winning much more probable.” A player’s skill level is also factored in a professional
gambler’s betting decision, with DCI standings being evaluated on a daily basis.
The police is asking for the population’s help with regards to the situation. Anyone with
pertinent knowledge of these illicit events is urged to call Chicago PD’s 1-555-IAM-
ARAT toll free line. This phone line is entirely anonymous, and no one will try to contact
you.
