Tag: Mobiusman

  • A Lorwyn Public Service Announcement

    This article is a Summer of Emilevin’ contest entry. This 6 week contest gives out both weekly prizes and final prizes of booster packs! You are invited to participate and compete by making some awesome and/or hilarious content of your own! Click on the Summer of Emilevin’ banner above for more information.



    For years, Shapeshifter children who were displaced from their original homes — so-called ‘Crib Swap Babies’ — have suffered from an undeserved social stigma. They may look different to those around them, but given the proper love and care they can develop into fully-functional adults.

    We want to bring people together today to end the discrimination and recognise the contributions that children from crib swap families have already made to society. We talked to legendary creature Brigid, Hero of Kinsbaile about the difficulties she faced growing up.

    “Yes, I was a crib swap baby,” she told us, her perfect Kinsbaile accent belying her origins. “It was tough at first; all the other Kithkin at school always teased me about how weird I looked, which I thought was unfair given that they had squashed faces.

    “But when I hit puberty,” she said, “my body began to accept its Kithkin surroundings. Now the only things that set me apart are my sharp eye and my hideous dress sense.”

    An Immaculate Magistrate, who preferred not to be named, also had a heart-warming story to tell.

    “I was extremely lucky not to be killed at birth, really,” he said. “Elvish society is still a bit behind the times when it comes to matters of political correctness. But an old oak tree offered to take me in, and raised me like I was his own sapling. When I was fifteen, I became the handsome elf you see before you!”

    The interviewee is now working as a fashion designer.

    Whether it is to a Merfolk or Goblin family, whether raised by Faeries or Giants, crib swap babies can blossom into responsible and high-achieving adults with, if anything, a wider range of career options open to them than other people. Crib swap babies today can be found employed as Advisors, Allies, Archers, Artificers, Assassins, Assembly-Workers, Barbarians, Berserkers, Brushwaggs, Citizens, Clerics, Cowards, Deserters, Drones, Druids, Elders, Flagbearers, Knights, Mercenaries, Minions, Mongers, Monks, Mystics, Ninjas, Nomads, Pests, Pirates, Rebels, Riggers, Rogues, Samurai, Scouts, Shamans, Soldiers, Spellshapers, Survivors, Warriors, and, of course, Wizards.

    We would also like to give special thanks to Mistform Ultimus, without whose support and funding this campaign would not have been possible.

  • Kjeldoran Knight: I’m Breaking Up the Band

    Kjeldoran Knight gave the following quote to Good Gamery earlier today in an exclusive that marks the end of The Beebles, the most successful Magic band in history. The Beebles have been at the forefront of the public consciousness since they formed in Liverpool during the Declare Attackers step. Since then they have released a string of global hits including ‘Ticket to Ride the Dilu Horse’, ‘With a Little Help From My Friends’, and ‘A Hard Day’s Knight’.

    “Look, man, hey, I’m not giving you a full interview or anything. You’ll receive a statement from my people at the end of the week. But yeah, the rumours are true: the band is splitting up.

    “I mean, we’re just going our separate ways, you know? We worked great together for a few steps, but this is a new phase and me and the boys have a few different ideas about where we’d like to go from here.

    “I still consider them my friends, and I hope we’ll be able to collaborate again, of course. Kjeldoran Escort in particular is a great guy – he reminds me of myself after four mana. I’m sure you remember the band’s giant dog phase, which was fun at the time, but the rest of us have moved on.

    Kjeldoran Warrior and I have sure had our differences, but I think a lot of that stemmed from the older brother-younger brother relationship we have. To me, he’ll always be the guy who was summoned on turn one.

    “As for Shield Bearer, well, Shield Bearer’s a good kid. I don’t know if he’ll ever be a Skyknight, really, but he played a very important part in the band and I’m grateful for it.”

    Kjeldoran Knight decline to comment on his recent Cathedral of Serra marriage to legendary creature Ayesha Tanaka, known for her avant-garde artwork such as putting a skirt on a suit of armour.

  • Magic 2011: Back to Basics

    One of the most important aspects of the core set is its flavor. The core set is, a lot of the time, the first thing a new magic player sees; We need each and every card to convey the essence of a fantasy card game. Now, flavour often goes hand in hand with simplicity – A Runeclaw Bear’s text box communicates the message that the card represents a magic bear, and all the coolness of this fact, without saying anything mechanically. However, sometimes the opposite is true; The mechanics make the flavour.

    Back when Alpha was released, Magic’s primary audience was amongst the Dungeons and Dragons community. This meant we had to present spells in the sense that tabletop gamers were used to them. When they summoned a Hydra, they expected it to regrow a few heads. Since then, Magic has become streamlined and simplified, with its own set of mechanical standards, but the simple appeal of regrowing heads still holds a powerful sway with both new and old contingents of the Magic fanbase. This is the mood we tried to recapture by reprinting Stone Giant in Magic 2010, and the huge success of that card has inspired us to develop the theme further in Magic 2011.

    Sometimes, having a rigid, logical system of templating greatly simplifies a card – Fog has vastly improved between Alpha and today. However, in other cases, the need for unambiguity creates more confusion than there would otherwise had been, as evidenced by lengthy and technical text boxes on simple cards like Drudge Skeletons. Our first attempt to break away from this trend was with the Zendikar card Obsidian Fireheart, whose nonstandard reminder text proved universally popular and answered more questions than it raised. Clearly, the power of immediately graspable flavour has been underestimated for too long.

    So what does all this actually mean for M11? It means that we are able to print or reprint the kind of fun cards we have always wanted to in the core set but, until now, have been prevented by their overly complicated rules text. If we had told you a year ago that this classic card was returning, would you have believed us?

    With a card like Raging River, it’s best to let the players themselves work out the technical details, and not have to cover all possible eventualities in the rules text. It may look daunting, but in our playtesting with Raging River it was always immediately obvious how the board was affected.

    Although a card like Raging River doesn’t need reminder text, Obsidian Fireheart has shown us that ‘Alpha-style’ reminder text can be an extremely powerful educational tool for new players. Rather than convey obvious information like ‘damage causes loss of life’, it is best used to tell players things they couldn’t learn by simply asking their opponent. Consider this once-banned Alpha favourite:

    As well as allowing us to return the card to its original functionality, Dingus Egg’s reminder text allows us to give an important message to new players: Take care of your cards and they’ll take care of you.

    At times, it is not so easy to accommodate the intentions of old cards. There are cases where the original mechanics just don’t fit into the modern rules. However, at the request of ‘evil’ rules manager Mark Gottlieb, we have been able to bend both the comprehensive and tournament rules to allow some very special examples whose return we are all very excited to see. In case you don’t know what we’re talking about, here’s a little peek:

    You can find information about the legal requirements and responsibilities of Designated Flipping Assistants on the Tips & Tricks inserts in M11 boosters.

    Now, three preview cards is really all we’re supposed to show you until the official preview season starts, but there is one more thing we think you should know about M11. There is one particular example of our new approach to flavour and templating that we are all very proud of. There is one card in M11 that has an aura of excitement about it unmatched by any other. This is that card.

    In an unrelated announcement, all DCI judges have resigned.

  • The Call of Kozilek

    Whoever you are, reader, I hope you have good reason for reading this. This memoir was written solely out of necessity, but if the time has come for it to be read, I fear it is already too late. I have here transcribed as best I can secrets that no man should have ever learned, secrets that have claimed countless lives; I write them in the hope that they will save yours, but I fear that will not the be the case.

    Like you, I lived the majority of my life in ignorant bliss, but that turn ended on the 28th of February 2010, with the news of my uncle’s death. My uncle had been a Magic player of no small repute, and not without his share of enemies, but the police had recorded his death as accidental – he had, allegedly, slipped on a loose card, to his death. I could not help but suspect that the card in question was a vendetta. As my uncle’s next of kin, his collection had been delivered to me, and along with it a diary whose unsettling contents I will now relate.

    My uncle’s last draft before an abrupt retirement had been during Time Spiral block. He had been joined at the table by a stranger with dark hair and wild eyes, and carrying a walking stick described fancifully as ‘braided with the teeth of dragons’. Although others in the store had dismissed him as an eccentric aficionado, his presence had an inexplicable effect on my uncle. That night, he took every copy of Ghostfire passed his way – apparently choosing it first pick over a Tarmogoyf – and stored them cryptically in his deckbox. When paired against the mysterious newcomer, my uncle sided in every copy of the card, but the stranger merely laughed and put five 4/4 red Dragon creature tokens with flying onto the battlefield. No-one was quite sure what had happened, but the significance was clear.

    My uncle became a recluse after that confrontation, and even his diary is largely devoid of entries during this period. The next event of note was the announcement of Zendikar on the 25th of March 2009, which apparently prompted my uncle to flee the country altogether – a scribbled note under this date read ‘it will begin in Washington’. My uncle took up residence in Rome – it was, perhaps, the furthest place he could think of – and he lived in relative peace for months before November’s world championships brought Zendikar rudely to him. The majority of holidaymakers were either drunk or otherwise caught in a Lethargy Trap, but my uncle eventually found a coherent drafter and received the information he had been dreading: the next set would be Rise of the Eldrazi.

    My uncle’s hurried return to America was well-received by his old team, but rather than indulge their ill-fated tinkers with Lotus Cobra, my uncle had each player report to him on any untoward visions or dreams that might trouble them. This line of investigation must have seemed desperate even to my uncle, but it eventually bore fruit: one meek rookie by the name of Bobert had, after a particularly intensive block constructed session, experienced some night-terror he could barely articulate. The only coherent references were to Ugin’s eye and the dragon’s servant, corroboration to my uncle’s greatest fears.

    My uncle died apparently in the middle of his investigations, but the fact that Wizards of the Coast publicly unveiled the first Eldrazi the very next day seems beyond coincidence. I had the task of continuing my uncle’s work quite unexpectedly thrust on me when, in my his absence, I was delivered Bobert’s last testament: a journal of his experience at the pre-release.

    Bobert had arrived at his pre-release under a cover of dark clouds. The forecasters attributed it to a freak gust blowing the Icelandic ash over the Atlantic, but Bobert had had reason to suspect otherwise. My uncle had apparently warned him against attending the pre-release, but he had felt it a matter of duty to gather whatever information he could about the events beginning to unfold. It was immediately clear that his darkest fears had been confirmed: instead of the expected vista of exuberant gamers, there was a palpable fear present throughout the hall, seeming to emanate from a singular figure seated calmly behind a peculiar oaken table. Bobert’s account of him was identical to my uncle’s own from years ago: he was shaggy and fearsome, and he carried that draconic cane that suggested a power not of this world.

    Surrounding the stranger’s table was a smattering of catatonic players, who clutched maternally to them their carefully constructed sealed decks as one might hold a recently deceased relative: desperately and with ineffable grief. The man paid them no heed, for he had his final opponent seated before him, an unfortunate local player whose name I was unable to track down. Bobert recorded their match from a safe distance with a morbid fascination, and although at the time I could not accept his account, I present it now as some indication of the Eldrazi’s subtlety. The stranger apparently won the die roll and lead with a basic forest and a Joraga Treespeaker(5C). His opponent, possibly reassured by the normalcy of this, played his own forest and passed the turn. It became immediately apparent that something far from normal was transpiring, however, because the stranger proceeded to play an island and a Training Grounds, level up his Elf, and tap it to cast Nest Invader(3C). Bobert took particular interest in the tokens the man produced to mark his level counters; their geometry, he claimed, was all wrong. Where one would expect a convex, they were instead greeted by a concavity, and at times they beads appeared to resemble eyes, though not the eyes of a human.

    The stranger’s opponent, whose bravery or stubbornness must have been deserving of some note to continue unfazed, played a plains and a Wall of Omens with his turn, little realising the inadequacy of his defence. The man used his to turn to play an island, an Echo Mage, and a Growth Spasm fetching a further island, requiring the sacrifice of his lone spawn (1C)– the symbolism in this sequence seems unlikely to have occurred without artistic embellishment, but I can only conclude it is factual. Bobert’s account at this point degrades somewhat into incoherency, and loses track of the opponent’s futile actions, but he can hardly be blamed for this: the transcription suggests an air of sheer insanity descending as the match continued, until ultimately the bizarre game being played out before him was the only remnant of his own familiar world.

    What is known is that the next turn brought a fourth island followed by four counters for the Echo Mage, catapulting it to a potency quite unlike anything that should rightly be seen at a pre-release. The stranger laid down his last card as a Prophetic Prism, then used it to cast the Mortician Beetle he had drawn (0C). Even despite the abject horror the man projected into Bobert, it must have been difficult to fathom what nefarious machinations he could execute with the pieces he had assembled. The answer came next turn when the man cast See Beyond and copied it twice – all the while muttering, Bobert noted, obscene and unfamiliar phrases relating to the same visions of sheer fire that had plagued Bobert’s dreams only weeks before. Once he had finished constructing his new hand the stranger cast Brood Birthing to multiply his blasphemous spawn’s presence. (2C)

    It was after this point that Bobert’s account truly left the realms of human plausibility and entered that darker sphere that now has inexorably overlaid our own. On his next turn the stranger drew all the power he could from his lands, his elf, and even the fragile lives of his spawn, and triggered a Reality Spasm that Bobert insisted could be felt physically shuddering through the hall. The Echo Mage of course copied it, and an infinity of dread vibrations threaded from the building, producing tremors that propagated psychically across the globe, producing intense nightmares in sensitive individuals like Bobert. When eventually the shaking subsided and Bobert was able to take stock of his surroundings, a sight far beyond sight presented itself to him; his every sense was filled by the monstrous presence whose cardname read Spawnsire of Ulamog. Although it is the least herald of the least Eldrazi, the force of its existence was so profound as to drive any remaining sanity from its witnesses – Bobert, indeed, died a quite mute lunatic some days after the event.

    The stranger reportedly spent some time phasing spawn in and out of existence with the dread creature, their meaningless sacrifices feeding the strength of the Beetle, which had already accrued some strength from the lesser rituals. When it was suitably bloated, and he began to bore of the affairs of mortal creatures, the stranger finally called upon his dark gods – I shall not begin to attempt a description of their coming, for I am sure no mortal tongue yet has come close to accuracy in that respect. Unwilling to have any lesser creature rival his masters’ own powers, the stranger cast a Momentous Fall for his beetle, drawing as a result every card in his library. Bobert reported that the cards spilt from his hand as the great ones began their unstoppable motions – and every one appeared to be Not of This World.

    Although your continued existence and my ability to write this journal may indicate to you that some chance intervention prevented the spread of the Eldrazi, I am afraid to say that this is not the case. Although I do not know the fate of the mad servant, isolated accounts from across the world indicate the subtle presence of the three infinite monstrosities he summoned. What cosmic alignments do they wait for? What unknowable plans motivate their gelatinous intelligences? If you are reading this, perhaps the time of their action has come, and if this is the case I can only hope that their disregard for human life is such that the end will come quickly. I do not know if my life will end as my uncle’s did, at the blade of some spy, but I have no intention of surviving to see the black dawn that must surely follow humanity’s long dusk.

  • Kozilek ‘Offput’ by Zendikari Media

    Good Gamery recently had a rare chance to speak to Kozilek, the dread flayer of minds whose return to Zendikar has been described as “The End of All That Is.” But when Kozilek’s slithering thought-tendrils pierced directly into our minds, it was to tell a different story — the story of an innocent entity that has been cruelly misrepresented.

    The figure of Kozilek certainly felt imposing as its physical manifestation sat in our office, seeming at times to fill the entire room, and at others not to take up any space at all. Mind-wrenchingly terrifying though it was, its infinite obscene limbs clearly shifted in a way that suggested nervousness. We saw that Kozilek was both concerned and anxious to correct what it saw as an unjustified blemish upon its reputation.

    “I just don’t know where the Zendikari get this stuff about us,” Kozilek’s mind-screech resonated. “I mean, the last time a mage summoned me, I let them draw four cards! How is that butchering the truth?”

    “I’m actually pretty interested in physics, so I was really upset when I first heard that title,” it added.

    But what of the untold devastation Kozilek is reported to have wreaked across this and all other planes? “Well, we all have our red mist moments, don’t we?” Kozilek’s communication seemed to approximate laughter, with a sensation like a childhood memory spoiling.

    “But seriously, usually when I step out, people just kill themselves. I don’t really think that’s my fault. That’s what happened to the master of that escaped null – and he’s using me as a scapegoat for his murders!”

    “The worst part is that the storytellers are dragging my family into this,” Kozilek conveyed. “Have you seen this stuff? ‘Death by death, Kozilek’s lineage spread.’ Dragging my kids through the mud? That’s just low.”

    “Poor little tykes. They shouldn’t have to grow up hearing that their spawnsire is a criminal,” it continued.

    And how were the other Eldrazi were reacting to the bad publicity?

    “Well, to be honest, Emmy and Mog haven’t had it so bad,” Kozilek replied. “Emmy doesn’t understand language in the same way that you use it, so most of this stuff doesn’t even register. Mog says it has no idea what the Infinite Gyre means, but thinks it sounds pretty cool. I guess it’s only me that gets offended by this stuff…”

    Good Gamery was also given a first-hand account of how the whole situation came about in the first place.

    “All this started,” Kozilek recalled, appearing to have told the story many times, “when Mog initiated a soul-wager with Emmy that it couldn’t court a humanoid. The first pandimensional biped to wander past was the elf female, Revane. So Emmy drifts up to her, the sky shearing in its blasphemous wake, and she basically tells it to — can I say this? — to go fhtagn itself.”

    “Emmy got pretty upset and flipped the tentacle at Revane,” Kozilek continued, “and all of a sudden these guys show up and activate some seal or whatever. Mog thought this was hilarious, of course, and Emmy hasn’t spoken to it since. Like, multi-millennial snubbing.”

    “Anyway, we weren’t gonna swear vengeance or anything — I mean, the passage of infinity is like waiting for a bus for us — but when we did get out, everyone just assumed we were these horribly aggressive guys. What made these folks automatically assume that we were going to lay waste to their homes and devour their minds? It’s called racism.”

    Before Kozilek departed from our level of existence, I asked it what its plans for the future were. “Well, after I clear up this mess I’ll probably spend some time physically, spiritually, and in all other ways raping the innocents of a thousand suns. Oh man, I’m just kidding! Haha, the look on your face!”

  • Memnarch to Face Trade Descriptions Lawsuit

    GALDROON PALACE, MIRRODIN – Eccentric artificer Memnarch is due to appear in interplanar court after a number of Zendikari mages lodged complaints that they had been mislead regarding a new spell. The dispute appears to have arisen over Memnarch’s attempts to corner the leveling-up market.

    “I’d heard about powerleveling from a friend of a friend,” one lighthouse chronologist told GoodGamery.com. “I’m sure I don’t have to tell you how difficult it is getting up to level seven on a plane like Zendikar, so I thought I’d try one out – not that they came cheap, mind you.”

    Leveler
    “[It] looked like a Juggernaut to me.”
    says one victim.

    But this curious wizard was in for a nasty surprise. “When I cast the spell, this thing – looked like a Juggernaut to me, but I didn’t get a good look at it – just shows up and eats my entire lighthouse. It was the lighthouse that my father guarded, and his father before him, and now I can’t even Recall it back!”

    Over in Guul Draz, a young assassin was having similar problems. “I’d just learned to Disfigure, and I having a kind of a party to celebrate. My friends said they’d picked up this spell that would allow them to Death Pulse, and, you know – I didn’t know if it was safe, but I didn’t want to look like a pussy. So they used this spell, and – the entire house is gone. My parents are gonna kill me.”

    Flyers have been put up around the Cliffhaven area warning knights against using spells that may have come from Mirrodin, and a new magic security awareness program has been introduced in schools. “Times are dangerous enough as it is without these unreliable spells going off,” said a pair of local Kor Sanctifiers. “Whoever is selling this stuff ought to be ashamed.”

    The ‘powerlevel’ magic has been linked back to Memnarch, the controversial Mirrodin Premier. A spokesmyr for the Panopticon had this to say: “The spells that were sold to fleshy Zendikari mages were exactly as described. Any miscommunication that may have occured was not the fault of the immaculate Watcher.”

    Memnarch will appear at the Tower of the Magistrate next week before a Soulsworn Jury, but he is expected to pay W to return the Conviction to its owner’s hand.

  • The Worldwake That Might Have Been

    Editor’s Note: The following document was provided to various news outlets several months ago, including Good Gamery. We were told by Wizards of the Coast to suspend release until further notice, in order to ensure that the timing was appropriate within WotC’s dynamic marketing strategy. The notice never came — instead, Wizards rescinded the document, calling it a “big mistake” and that Worldwake would be something entirely different, and “ten times as revolutionary.” Today we present to you the Worldwake that might have been.



    PRESS DOCUMENT

    Magic: The Gathering‘s upcoming expansion, Worldwake, presents an exciting oppurtunity to rebrand — or ‘reland’, and R&D has come to term it — one of the most fundamental and yet unglamorous aspects of the game: land cards. As you know, traditionally lands have been regarded as sources of mana and little else; a necessary but unexciting aspect of deck construction. Rather than being constrictions upon creativity, however, it is our desire that lands come to be regarded as a dynamic and exciting part of the average game of Magic. We will be expanding on the wild success of the Zendikar expansion and its ‘land matters’ theme in Worldwake, Magic’s first all-land set.

    Of course, one of the most important aspects of any set, for new and old players alike, is its quota of reprinted, historical cards adapted into new, exciting contexts. Since we feel that no currently existing card properly reflects the land-centric approach we wish to propagate in Worldwake, we have decided to issue functional errata to a number of cards and reprint them in new, land-based forms. The final list has not been chosen, but here is a selection of possible cards being considered:

    • Cage of Lands
    • Landage
    • Landradite Leech
      (many players were unfamiliar with the mineral Ca3Fe2Si3O2 anyway)
    • Bland
      (the creative team wasn’t happy with this name, but we feel it is suitably punchy)
    • Landler
    • Defiant Land
    • Gland Arbiter Augustin IV
      (this one probably won’t see print)
    • Landân
    • Landerdise
      (an obvious choice)
    • Landstill
      (surprisingly, many players are already familiar with this word)
    • Landra Nalaar
    • Land of Cruelty
    • Land of Honour
    • Land to Land
    • Illusions of Landeur
    • Last Land
    • Library of Alexlandria
      (I thought this was what the card was called anyway)
    • Martyr of Lands

    These cards have been chosen in part because we feel errata would have a minimal impact on tournament play. Their new abilities will be more suitable for printing on a land card; for example, many of them will tap for mana. In addition, the card Badlands will be banned in all formats, since its flavour is thematically opposed to a land-centric constructed environment.

    It should be noted that we are forbidding any Worldwake Prerelease Events or Launch Parties from taking place at sea, as we feel that not introducing the set on land would be contrary to the theme.

    The Worldwake rebranding has made many other changes to the game necessary; for example, the zone hitherto referred to as the ‘hand’ will become the ‘land’. We are phasing out support for the type II format and replacing it with Landard constructed; this format will operate under a Lanned & Restricted list. The Banding keyword ability will also be reintroduced as of Worldwake, but called ‘landing’. Finally, we will be introducing land-related terms into the internal Magic: The Gathering vernacular in an attempt to further impress its importance upon the playerbase. We will henceforth be referring to the organised play schedule as the ‘calander,’ and are renaming Hasbro’s brand management department ‘land management.’

    We feel that these changes will sufficiently push the ‘land matters’ theme and change the way players enjoy Magic: The Gathering. Making changes like these are essential to the health of the game, and although we anticipate some of them being unpopular at first, in time they will be considered as important as the M10 or the Sixth Edition rules changes. We are confident Worldwake will change the way players turn their cardboard sideways.

    Regards,

    Wizards of the Coast Marketing Department