Good Gamery

Category: mtg

  • Planeswalkers Search for Eldrazi

    This article is part of the Rise of the Eldrazi Alliance. Wizards of the Coast is working with Good Gamery, among other fan web sites, to help drum up excitement for the upcoming set. Watch for new ROE-related articles and ‘chops, and check back on midnight this Sunday night (March 14/15 midnight) for 6 ROE card spoilers.


    The Eldrazi were once the most feared force imaginable – terrible beings from the space between worlds who sought to reshape the planes in the grey, featureless image of their home. But they had been banished for so long, that their memory had all but faded from the multiverse.

    There was however still one prophecy that told of a time, soon to come, that their minions would spill forth from their prison and once again threaten the planes. Two planeswalkers discovered it, and swore to work together to defeat the Eldrazi threat once and for all. They unraveled the cryptic clues of the prophecy’s text to learn of the general area and time of their emergence, but sadly, not its direction.




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  • Eldrazi Drone is Lonely

    This article is part of the Rise of the Eldrazi Alliance. Wizards of the Coast is working with Good Gamery, among other fan web sites, to help drum up excitement for the upcoming set. Watch for new ROE-related articles and ‘chops, and check back on midnight this Sunday night (March 14/15 midnight) for 6 ROE card spoilers.





    (click for 1400×1020 version)


    “Why doesn’t anyone ever want to hang out with me??” thought an Eldrazi Drone yesterday as it hovered through a canyon. Its many hideous appendages undulated in frustration while it emitted a loathsome, perpetual moan.

    “Seriously, what’s everyone’s problem…?” it continued.

    As it pondered, its cleaved neural stalk writhed and pulsed sickeningly.

    “Sure, I may not be the best looking guy abiding in the unfathomable depths between planes,” it reasoned, “but I was always taught that it’s what’s on the inside that counts.” The astral being’s innards then audibly bubbled with chaos and madness, channeling foul energies into its twisted cranial folds.

    The other day, the Drone asked its coworker Keith if he had any weekend plans. Keith initially said no.

    “But then when I asked him if he wanted to hang out, he suddenly ‘remembered’ that he was busy,” the Drone contemplated.

    Its love life hasn’t fared well, either.

    “That blind date last weekend? She took one look at me and literally went blind,” it remembered. “She evidently wasn’t one to appreciate my many-jointed protuberances or my vast array of spines, hooks and knobs.”

    A horrifying, extradimensional scream echoed throughout the canyon as the monstrosity’s projections tore at the fabric of reality.

    “I mean, what the hell!? I have a soul, for Pete’s sake!” it strongly conveyed. The Drone, in fact, has countless souls, harvested from the bloodied corpses of a thousand battles via its four ectohesive tentacloid conduits.

    The Drone’s thoughts telepathically liquefied all nearby, save for a bespectacled wanderer with a stocking cap and cane.

  • Habbardis the Fierce Gives Pep Talk

    This article is part of the Rise of the Eldrazi Alliance. Wizards of the Coast is working with Good Gamery, among other fan web sites, to help drum up excitement for the upcoming set. Watch for new ROE-related articles and ‘chops, and check back on midnight this Sunday night (March 14/15 midnight) for 6 ROE card spoilers.


    The sunlight dimmed, and a vast shadow enveloped the plain. Towering above the horizon, the Eldrazi terror had finally arrived at Gom Norro valley. Waiting to meet the colossus was a hearty number of warriors, the last line of defense for the people of Gom Norro, in which each of the races of Zendikar was represented.

    The renowned heroes looked up at the Eldrazi’s facehole in fear. They felt their knees grow weak and their hearts begin to race. They needed someone to help them summon up their courage, to give them the fortitude they needed to face this monstrous creature. They needed a speech, a collection of powerful words to rouse their spirits and elevate their morale.

    Their leader, Habbardis the Fierce, stepped forward and turned to face them.

    He gripped the hilt of his sword, unsheathing it, and held it aloft.

    He then swung his mighty blade around, pointing it directly at the Eldrazi foe, and spoke.

    “Alright, you guys go first,” he said.

    After a few uncomfortable seconds, Habbardis turned back around to face his army, seeming confused that nobody charged past him.

    “I don’t think you need me on this one, guys,” Habbardis explained.

    “You got this!” he added.

    The warriors began grumbling to one another and lowering their weapons.

    “Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey,” shouted Habbardis. “Wait. Wait. Just wait. Wait. Stop.”

    “Remember when we first started this expedition?” he continued. “Grommo, you couldn’t even properly tie on your pauldrons!”

    Grommo smiled and nodded, blushing.

    “And Klissta,” Habbardis said, gesturing toward a female elf, “Remember all the trouble you used to have with spear combat? You’ve all come so far!“

    Murmurs of approval began to swell among the warriors’ ranks.

    “I’m so proud of each and every one of you,” said Habbardis, his voice cracking. “After all this time, I really think you’re ready to handle a battle, all on your own. I wouldn’t say it if I didn’t believe it.

    “So whaddya say?” Habbardis shouted. “Are you ready to kick some Eldrazi butt!?“

    The warriors cheered. Their morale was elevated. Their spirits were roused. Their hearts began pumping steadily and their knees grew strong. They looked up at the Eldrazi’s facehole with determination. Holding their weapons high, they charged down the plain.

    Except for Habbardis, who fled.




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  • Hello, Gamers.

    Hello, gamers. Look at your creature.

    Now back to me. Now back at your creature. Now back to me.

    Sadly, he isn’t me. But if he stopped wearing a goth dog collar and switched to a Basilisk Collar, he could attack like he’s me.

    Look down, back up. Where are you? You’re in the red zone with a creature your creature could attack like.

    What’s in your hand? Back at me. I have it. It’s a binder with four copies of that card you love. Look again, the cards are now Mox Diamonds.

    Anything is possible when your creature attacks like a Basilisk and not like a puppy. I’m on a ledge.

  • Tempest Block Pick Orders, a GoodGamery featured thread

    Magic Online has released many older sets, including all of Tempest Block, and people draft them!  Ben Peebles-Mundy, GoodGamery poster and fan of odd draft formats, has posted his draft pick orders for every card in Tempest, Stronghold, and Exodus.  Read and comment here!

  • Wizard’s School Bans Students From Wearing Basilisk Collars

    ‘Staple Of Student Fashion’ Prohibited; Violators Suspended

    Tolarian Academy

    The Wizard’s School

    Pendrell Vale, TOLARIA — The Basilisk Collar, a fashion staple of student libraries, has landed on a lists of prohibited equipment in several Tolarian schools.

    Some schools have restricted or even banned the unusual collars, citing safety concerns.

    They say that it’s easy for things like sticks and wands to become snagged in the collars, causing disruptions in their school work. School officials also note that bulky jewelry like basilisk collars increase the risk of a student accidentally tipping over a flask of acid, or cracking the fragile casing on a potion of unmaking. What’s more, adept scofflaws can use the collars to kill at a touch, or to gain life by striking other students.

    Basilisk Collar

    A Dangerous Fashion Statement

    At the Tolarian Academy in the Eastern Domain’s isle of Tolaria, wizard student Ertai was told on the first day of school that his basilisk collar was not allowed. He left it in his energy chamber, he told The Press of the Central Planes for Friday’s editions.

    Fads in equipment “designed to attract attention to the individual or to disrupt the orderly conduct of the classroom or campus is not permitted,” the policy states.

    In its Codex, the district states its rules are in place because “students who dress and groom themselves neatly, and in an acceptable and appropriate manner, are more likely to become constructive wizards of the society in which we live.”

    Hapless Researcher

    Wizards Engage in Risky Behavior

    Several violators have already been punished for wearing the controversial collars, which some researchers claim is an indicator for risk-taking behavior.

    “I got my basilisk collar as a present from my father, but when I showed up to class I was exiled with 5 time counters”, explained Jhoira of the Ghitu, a student whose suspension ended during a recent turn. “They removed one time counter at the beginning of each upkeep”, she added.

    Bans on fashion articles are not new to Dominaria. In 2004, a type of headwear known as a Skullclamp became popular, drawing concern from school officials. It was eventually banned after a series of first-year students were each placed in the graveyard as a state-based effect after wearing one of the artifacts.

    Academy Researchers

    Wizard Collars: Are They All Dangerous?

  • Claim: Wizards on Cusp of Completing Secret Scheme

    At last, the world knows the alleged truth.

    Last Monday, an employee of Wizards of the Coast informed us at Good Gamery of the purpose of Magic: The Gathering — the hidden underlying plot that has come to fruition before our very eyes.

    The source, to remain anonymous, claims that Magic: The Gathering, from the very beginning, was a scheme to create a lottery that would be legal around the world, and for participants of any age.

    What is a lottery? To help inform our readers, we at Good Gamery wrote an entire Wikipedia article on lotteries. But to make a long story short, lotteries are systems in which participants buy a chance at winning an amount of money less than the expected total contribution from all of the participants.

    In most countries, lotteries are illegal except when sponsored or heavily regulated by the state.

    But not anymore.

    “By disguising our lottery game under a cloak of various subgames, we created a sort of ‘Trojan horse,” the source said. “Troy is the world.”

    “And Paris of Troy represents lawmakers, who stole from us the right to extract money from anyone we wish — this, of course, is analogous to Helen,” he went on to explain. “For we are Menelaus, king of Sparta.”

    “This is Sparta,” he added, making a sweeping gesture across his office.

    Revelation of the plan was first implied by whistleblower Ben Bleiweiss, writer for Star City Games, who noticed in a recent article that the prices for rares in general are falling, but prices for the few essential, chase rares are skyrocketing.

    “If these trends continue,” say Good Gamery’s resident economics experts, “nearly all booster packs will yield cards worth nothing. But one pack in two million will yield an artifact creature that costs 1, has shroud, and is an 8/8 flier with lifelink and no drawbacks.”

    “Think Tarmogoyf for $100 is bad? Try Armageddogoyf for $1,000,000.”

    And it gets worse.

    Because all kids are stupid, state-sanctioned lotteries refuse participation by minors, screwing over only those who had quite enough time to unstupify, but failed to do so.

    But this de facto lottery does no such thing.

    “What’s next?” our experts asked in an alarming tone. “Advertising cereal to children in a way that makes them believe eating it will transport them into a manic, hallucinatory cartoon?”

  • Pro MTG Online #235

    Pro MTG Online #235

  • Pro MTG Online #234

    Pro MTG Online #234

  • A Valentine’s Deck

    1x Martyr of Bones (St. Valentine)

    1x Aven Archer (Cupid)

    1x Eager Cadet (Our Hero)

    1x Serra Angel (Hey baby, what are you doing tonight?)

    4x Kitchen Finks (Let’s have a romantic dinner)

    2x Candles of Leng (A candle light dinner)

    4x Bitterblossom (With beautiful floweOH SHIT THEY STING)

    1x Story Circle (Then we can watch a chick flick)

    4x Heartstabber Mosquito (See, I am not emotionally available right now…)

    1x Unlikely Alliance (but we can, you know, be friends)

    1x Abandon Hope (Well shit…)

    1x Heartmender (Sorry I broke your heart!)

    1x Stir the Pride (What? i don’t even care, skank)

    1x Cruel Edict (This is why you are single, loser)

    1x Cruel Edict (Why did you think I’d date you, in the first place?)

    1x Cruel Edict (Go home and sleeve your Angel collection)

    4x Distress (Aw man)

    1x Death Wish (My life sucks)

    4x Razor Barrier (I’ll just cut myself again)

    1x Execute (Screw you, Cupid)

    1x Sorrow’s Path + 23 other lands.